Childfree people ranting about parents

[the7Vabo]

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of.

The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

Childfree people are often treated as inferior, unimportant, invisible even. You only need to look at the arguments over Christmas leave. I was childless until 40, it was horrendous on many occasions, it was as though I had no feelings, no other life priorities etc. And don’t get me started on the comments ‘you don’t understand, you don’t have kids’ - this from my Sister when I gently suggested her overwrought (distressed even) 3 year old still up at 10pm on Christmas Day may be ready for bed.

You still don't see it

Because of one person you know you then used that behaviour to describe childless people as a group

That's like telling people that women are bad leaders because Liz Truss was a bad PM

fitzwilliamdarcy, well for a start we both only get 25 days holiday so expecting a colleague to never have any time off when our DC are on school holidays is not ever going to be accurate. Given that is the case if there is one half term week in October and you really don't need to go on holiday that week, can't you empathise with your colleague who a) needs to provide the childcare and b) really needs that developmentally important unstructured time? If

This.

@Redebs how is it pathetic? There are very few people on the world I would say are as important to me as my dog. You might think your children are important to you. No one is calling you pathetic. You seem like a really narrow minded and nasty person

They might though. I don’t know whether they do or not, and neither do you. You can only experience, and compare and contrast, the love you feel. You’ll never feel how someone else does. None of us will. It’s not like love can be handled, assessed and measured. It’s also not like it’s a finite resource.

@HamBone I do think women are treated differently once it becomes clear they will not have children. Up until then the assumption by many people is she will become a mother at some point.

Re pets. My dog got me through an abusive relationship and prevented me from attempting suicide several times. My friend was homeless with her dog for a decade and attempted suicide when she finally died.

I'm sure the love felt is different but don't try to denigrate people's feelings for their pets.

@OutofEverything Yep I was refused sterilisation when i was younger because they said i would change my mind. Now at nearly 50 i have no idea where i am with the perimenopause/menopause because its likely being masked by the Mini Pill.

I don’t take leave during half terms, and I’ve never been allowed Christmas off where I work (10 years). I do take leave during summer if I can but it’s an absolute ballache because the parents whinge so sometimes I can’t do that either. You only have 25 days but you’re just one parent - I work with more than one parent, and they all want to have their developmentally important unstructured time (whatever that is).

So I’m plenty empathetic, thanks, but I wouldn’t mind some back at some point before I retire.

@ConfusedNT @backoftheplane

Why are you so intent that my one example was applicable to the entire childless community? Where have I said this is a representation of the whole demographic? Instead of trying to paint me as saying things I haven’t maybe acknowledge it is possible a childless woman can act selfish and petty towards a mother instead of tying yourselves in knots misrepresenting my words 🙄

I agree, @ConfusedNT Neither child free people nor parents should be viewed as homogenous groups, we’re all individuals. Some people are selfish and thoughtless, some aren’t.

The individual whom Prinny refers to sounds unpleasant, regardless of her life choices!

You have no idea if someone else wants that week off for other reasons. Lots of events or festivals happen on specific dates. And some extended families go away together on dates when the children would not be in school.

But we're not misrepresenting your words. We both quoted exactly what you said.

You posted your experience of one woman's behaviour on this thread as an example of how you had experienced "ugly and petty behaviour" by "childfree people" (plural). In doing so, you used one woman's behaviour to represent a whole group of people.

If you can't understand why this might be infuriating to childless/childfree people then there's no discussion to be had.

So why bring it up on this thread? People are talking about patterns of behaviour and you’ve gone to great lengths to talk about this one woman.

Valentines Day falls in Feb half term. Perhaps some people want it off because they want to surprise their partner with a small holiday

I love babies but find kids over 2 irritating.
I do find parents get priority over annual leave etc which is frustrating.
I have chronic illnesses also so do know a thing or two about tiredness too but it seems only parents have the monopoly on that.

Can someone please link me to the thread mentioned where a kid threw up on someone in a restaurant? Thanks

Maybe the parents could for once think about others, rathen than themselves all the time.

The most selfish and judgemental people I’ve met have been parents.

But yes, I do agree with one thing: too many selfish fuckers in the world.
Many, many, many of them are parents.
Sad, let’s hope they don’t raise their kids to be as horrible as they are.

@Whichwhatnow I love my dog and will be devastated when he dies. But I have to be honest, I find your friend’s love for her deceased dog rather scary, don’t you?

I’m guessing that his/her death was simply the final straw as she was battling homelessness. I hope she’s doing better now. 💐

No, sorry, I know it’s fashionable to be all ‘everything is relative’ and ‘all feelings are valid’ but I’m not aware of any house fires where the parents have saved their pets over their children. I have a dog, I adore my dog, the other day another dog went for her and I found myself scooping her up so the dog would savage my arms and not her. But it doesn’t touch the edges of what I feel for my daughter.

I manage people and I manage fairly. I don’t expect people to explain why they want to leave and judge their reasons. That would make me a terrible manager. Being a parent doesn’t give any of my team priority. They don’t have to tell me why they want time off. It may be private and they may not want to share with me. Why should they?!

I booked my kids into summer camp last year and still took a couple of days off to catch up and do nothing while the weather was decent. That’s nobody’s business but my own.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4748249-if-your-child-vomited-in-a-restaurant-what-would-you-do

Read this thread.
Just do it.
It proofs my point.

And how can it be ’self obsessed’, I don’t mean just me, I stand for childfree people in general?
Don’t bother answering, I know you have nothing to say.

It will be interesting to find out what people who think like this will say to their kids if they end up struggling with infertility. 'You'll never have love like it', will, I imagine, not be so strong an opinion then.