Childfree people ranting about parents

[the7Vabo]

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of.

The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

Literally. I think I’m going to have to hide this thread - it’s doing my head in.

This is why i only do 3 childfree/less threads a year, any more and it impacts my mental health too much

Worryingly its only February and I have a horrible feeling this is my second on of the year!

I have to say no matter how frustrating its been it has been a delight to be surrounded by so many posters who do get the issue. Sometimes there can be only one or too childfree people on a thread and an onslaught of parents and it can be horrific but it's actually been nice feeling like I'm not a lone voice on this one

not that nice is the right word for this thread though!

Now I'm off to spend time with my nephew before babysitting two children tomorrow for my neighbour. what a self centred child hating bitch I am 😂

I'm even getting public transport next week, remind me to sit on a child....

On that note, I’ll excuse myself.

I understand the issue much more after reading this thread.

Take care

I’ve been reading this thread over the last couple of days. Have had to refrain a few times from posting knee-jerk responses that are less polite than those that have taken the time to post thoughtfully!

I have a double whammy in that I am childfree and also single. I have made a choice re both. Still amazes me how some people don’t realise how offensive it is re comments they make.

I hope that parents of daughters find some way to explain that it’s actually ok to never want to marry/have children etc. I’m not saying that should be the “norm”, but it should be viewed as being a perfectly acceptable choice in life.

I love my family, I love my house, I love my pets. I feel zero regret re my non-desire to be married and/or have kids. I have put effort in to facilitating ways to socialise with parents of various ages of children.

It would be really great if the young daughters of today do not grow up facing the kind of comments sometimes shown in this thread.

As an aside, bog off to the pet “deniers”. Do you not realise that, for some people, their pet is their “unconditional” being.

Oh, seriously, bog off with that sentiment. The whole “why come on here if you don’t have kids” has been done to bloody death.

I’m here for the gardening, property, cat chat, weather, FWR, decoration plus AIBU and chat.

I don’t have kids - does that mean I shouldn’t have any interest in those topics?

Even if they don't get it they should just shut up and be supportive.
I have 3 kids, but all boys. I get hassled asking if I am going to try for a girl constantly. I don't have the space or money, or ever wanted a fourth child but doesn't seem to matter to people. They still don't think I will ever be happy until I have a daughter

Haven't RTFT (so many on this general topic).

I think the crux of it is that to remain childfree (and potentially relationship free) requires little effort.

Whereas having children (and partner) does require effort.

It think basically boils down to a debate about effort and no effort.

The 'effortists' take the 'moral' high ground because they think the fruits of their effort are to lauded.

And the 'no efforts' feel defensive because it is assumed that it's not a proactive decision, and the lack of effort means a diminished overall life.

I mean ultimately it's a pointless debate because rarely is anyone ever persuaded to the other side.

@brightare I know you're trying to be empathetic in response to @Furries post, but your response demonstrates just how tone deaf parents and coupled-up people can be on these kinds of topics ...

I think the crux of it is that to remain childfree (and potentially relationship free) requires little effort.

Are you in this situation? Because living singke etc is not "no effort." Quite the reverse.

I think the crux of it is that to remain childfree (and potentially relationship free) requires little effort.

It takes massive effort! Didn't you learn from MN that contraceptive failure is like 85%. I mean most people seem to make kids just mindlessly having sex while I have to ensure pills are on time and if anything like illness strikes, I have enough condoms. Packing pills into each bag for holidays in case one gets lots etc. Tsk. No effort

Someone once wrote here about how much thinking goes into being childfree and if parents slent same time thinking and planning having kids, world would be different place. That's effort.

It's also mega effort defending yourself to goady twats who think sun shines out of their hoohaa

What's the situation with more permanent types of contraception in the UK? I think people find it hard to have sterilisations etc when young or without kids? You have my sympathy, the pill made me bonkers, the coil was so painful to get in I've been putting off having mine replaced, but then I'm in the 'done at 2 kids but 3 wouldn't be the end of the world' stage of my life, back in my pregnancy would be the end of the world days I definitely was willing to put up waswith contraception side effects.

I agree not having kids is not no effort, I waited until my 30s and put serious effort into not conceiving young. Also the efforts of being an adult living alone and only 1 salary to rely on, no fallback option, noone else at home to take the dog out if you want to go out after work etc.

Life is challenging for everyone at all stages, the challenges are just different.

Although maybe that's part of it, I've been childfree by choice in my 20s, childless not by choice in my 30s abd a parent of babies and small children. I've loved a cat and a dog like they were my children over the course of a decade, I've seen the discrimination actually faced when you put your career first even 'need to settle down soon, you'll be wanting to have children' when at that point all I wanted was a degree and a good job and enough money to pay for an exciting holiday on top of my rent.

Parents, particularly older when starting ones like me, have been childless, we haven't always had children, I spent a decade being expected to work late a d start early, work Xmas, work Easter etc.

Child free people have never faced the specific challenges parents face, so I guess it's a big ask for them to fully understand. I certainly didn't back in the day.

”No effort”, my arse!

I didn’t mind that comment, I’ve heard it said to a couple of colleagues and I can imagine it’s really frustrating for mums of boys. Weirdly, the comment was made by men both times.

It takes massive effort! Didn't you learn from MN that contraceptive failure is like 85%. I mean most people seem to make kids just mindlessly having sex while I have to ensure pills are on time and if anything like illness strikes, I have enough condoms. Packing pills into each bag for holidays in case one gets lots etc. Tsk. No effort.

@Applesandcarrots 🤣🤣🤣 It’s so true, in MN world, having a contraceptive failure is so common, I’m surprised everyone doesn’t have 6-plus kids!

Child free people have never faced the specific challenges parents face, so I guess it's a big ask for them to fully understand. I certainly didn't back in the day.

Parents of biological children have never faced the specific challenges faced by infertile people - i.e. the complete absence of bio kids. I’m discounting infertility that is ‘overcome’ by IVF and secondary infertility but both are different experiences to never having bio kids.

Parents have never faced the specific challenges faced by women who do not have kids at the end of their reproductive years. Your experience in particular - having babies in one’s 20s is not that common anymore so being childfree would not have been remarkable. Being childless in your 30s is rubbish and many childless women can relate to that. You’ve now had kids. Your understanding or “facing of the same challenge” has ended. You do not know what it’s like to not have kids in your 40s or 50s, which is the point where society realises you’re one of the 18% that’s without kids, and judges the fuck out of you.

You have some of our experiences but not all. True enough I’ll never have any of yours, and I probably don’t fully understand you, but you do not have all of mine. Please stop saying that you do.

This. I’m sick to death of people saying they know what a whole life without children is because they were once without children.

Yes, quite. There's a world of difference between being meticulous about contraception, and taking a relaxed 'an unplanned baby wouldn't be the end of the world' attitude.

What's the situation with more permanent types of contraception in the UK? I think people find it hard to have sterilisations etc when young or without kids?

Sterilisation is an ultimate effort.

I am not really moaning btw. My pills suit me etc. It's just "no effort". No.
No effort is getting preggers behind a night club not NOT getting preggers😂

Absolutely.

Again, it’s the tone deafness of even thinking it’s a valid claim that just proves our point about attitudes towards women without children.

I know how it is to live without shoes. I spent summer outside in a camp mainly barefoot.
😁

Sometimes I'm in a wheel chair, sometimes I need a stick, sometimes I walk unaided but not very far

People telling me they know what childlessness is like because they were childless until they had children is like me telling someone paralysed from the waist down I know what its like because sometimes I'm in a wheelchair

Not the same thing

I don't think taking the pill is the same effort as looking after a sick child when you've been sleep deprived for a week, and juggling work, and running a household etc.

KimberleyClark
This. I’m sick to death of people saying they know what a whole life without children is because they were once without children.

This doesn't really work though, because they were once without children, so can gauge way better what a life without children would look and feel like, than a person who doesn't have children trying to do same about a person with children.

So although they literally can't walk in your shoes (because they now have children) they've got a much better sense of the two different paths in life.

I don't think taking the pill is the same effort as looking after a sick child when you've been sleep deprived for a week, and juggling work, and running a household etc.

Thoughts and prayers.

I mean like, it's not like you didn't know what you were signing up for.
It's like people who bought doer upper house would get sassy with people who bought ready to move in. Choices

😂 yes because we have choice in the immune system, personality, disability etc. of the children we have.

I don't think taking the pill is the same effort as looking after a sick child when you've been sleep deprived for a week, and juggling work, and running a household etc

Well yeah why do you think I didn't have one?
The point is that so what if having children is the higher-effort option? You're still doing it for yourself, to fulfil a want within yourself, you've not done it as some altruistic effort.