Childfree people ranting about parents

[the7Vabo]

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of.

The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

I’m making sure that those on there can’t use this thread to play their little violins and act like it’s all mums bashing them on forums when people on MN might not know that all they do on the childfree thread is bash mums and some of them have said some pretty gross stuff!

Anonymous forum or not I would NEVER comment on a friend or family members body. That’s such a gross mentality to be looking at someone you love so critically like that.

I honestly don't think they care what parents/MN thinks. They're not attacking anyone personally, or directly, so they're not doing anything wrong. Mods over there will deal with anything that gets too out-of-hand. And if any of it comes over here, MN mods will deal with it.

At the end of the day, you can't police people's thoughts, so just try to ignore it. Don't go looking to get offended.

There's way more hatred towards the childfree from entitled parents than vice versa. Sorry I haven't read the massive thread so this has probably already been said a million times.

A few oddballs on a site like Tattle or r/childfree are hardly representative of childless/childfree people in general.

In real life I've never heard anyone refer to parents as 'breeders' or heard the kind of the vitriolic comments you see posted there.

On the other hand, it is common for people without children to be subjected to all kinds of unsolicited opinions about what they're missing, how they don't know real love, etc. Having children is still very much seen as the norm, so childfree people face far more negative reactions than parents do.

Not read the whole thread sorry op but I really think it goes both ways. I’ve been ranted at for not having a kids and not even stopping it that question I’ve been ranted at for not answering questions about my private medical concerns, as in an acquaintance (if that) at work asking me if I had fibroids. Yeah. It goes both ways.

“Don't go looking to get offended“

Funnily enough exactly what the childfree thread does with parents/children 🤣

It’s the victim mentality I’m calling out, that the CF people are over here saying ‘mums are mean about us on the internet’ when in reality it’s a lot of those from the exact thread this is about who are a LOT more vitriolic about mums and the only thing someone could find that anyone on the new baby thread had said about childfree people was ‘my CF friend doesn’t understand me anymore’. Hardly comparative.

You can’t be so nasty about mums on one forum and expect to play your violin elsewhere.

Oh please the comment about the worst PP could find on a baby thread is clearly aimed at me as I said that. As a chidlfree person, believe it or not, I didn't actually go and look at a baby thread and trawl it for nasty comments about childfree people, because a baby thread isn't for me!!!!!!

I just know those are the types of comments made by mums, when you claimed they aren't.

At the end of the day if a parent goes to a thread specifically entitled "childfree by choice" they shouldn't get offended if they don't like what they read.

And as for the thread in question being full of comments about "disgusting pregnant bodies" they were 3 or 4 comments on a thread that has over 6500 replies. So please try harder!

I wasn’t ranting, I was making comments about a conversation I came across. There is a difference.
Maybe read the rest of my posts before making inflammatory statements.

“Mums” are not mean on the internet but there is an awful lot of judgment aimed at women both on this very thread and in real life at those who don’t have children. You’re conveniently ignoring that.

There are some extreme examples on those forums and they’re disgusting comments. I wouldn’t be part of any community who let that slide. Fortunately, they’re the exception. Fortunately, not all mums make insensitive and judgemental comments about how “you don’t know tiredness until you have kids” and all the other snide comments that have been made directly to people.

Again, I didn’t get offended and the aspect of the conversation I was commenting on was the rest of the title “parents not everything is about you.” I’m not someone who thinks everything is about my parental status, neither as far as I can tell are most people I know so I think that title is ridiculous. Someone has subsequently pointed out there was a reason for it which is fair enough.

I accept having read this thread that there are issues that childfree people would find annoying. I also think that in some cases which are probably the minority, the expectations around children’s and parents behaviour are unreasonable.

Okay but there’s a grand total of 0 mean comments about anyone who is childfree on the other threads because literally no one cares (it’s more normal than not to be childfree in most 30+ friendship groups now) and no one on that thread is as judgmental as yours.

I don’t deny that at all and I have never said anything negative towards childfree people as a whole. My issue is with the specific thread mentioned.

Fortunately attitudes are changing and a lot (actually most) of my friends are childfree by choice and I completely support that. I understand there are a lot of reasons why someone would want to be childfree and it makes sense if you aren’t sure, to refrain from having them. There are far too many people who do have children for the wrong reasons.

I also always call out people who do ask others when they’re having children etc as that is insensitive and presumptuous for so many reasons. Unfortunately there will be some people with traditional views, (most are likely pushing it on you because they’re not happy in their own lives) but hopefully the tide is changing and people are starting to mind their own business!

We will have to agree to disagree as I am sure, should I go looking, there are plenty of mean comments about childfree people on baby threads. This thread has been full of them so that's a good indicator.

@LoveHearts69

to be honest, many people are like you and me and wouldn’t dream of making comments to those without children but it happens quite frequently. That’s not our fault but I can’t deny it happens and I am sorry that non-parents (well women really) feel so judged.

I think those threads mocking breastfeeding etc are vile but I don’t find it is something that I worry about in every day conversation and I don’t feel it impacts on my day to day life. When it is overt and even less overt, it must feel really painful. It’s not my fault - nor yours - nor my responsibility because I would never ever say those things but I can acknowledge it must be painful when it’s so frequent too.

And other threads on this site like the one titled 'To think having children brings status', because of course if you don't have children you have no status. That status for an individual is only achieved by having children.

Someone on there made a good point which is that this whole website is for Mums really, they have one thread on one website talking about being child free, and you're all demonising them for it. I think they have a point tbh. Stop looking to be offended, some people hate kids and think being a parent sounds like the worst thing ever, you don't have to interact with these people unless you go looking and end up upsetting yourself which tbh is on you. Just leave them to it, it's one thread that doesn't involve you, it is pretty weird to get het up about it.

The parent has also experienced a child free period of time, so can compare the two scenarios through lived experience. The childfree person only has the childfree lived experience.

Oh stop! I have been the carer for 3 small children. I have also nursed my mother through the last year of her life during a pandemic. The second was so much worse than the first. But I am not running around telling people you dont know what tiredness is.

Ah stop acting like people don’t start silly threads on chat forums all the time as if there is some kind of higher ground. It’s on tattle which is far as I can tell is mainly a site about influencers. One of the arguments on that thread is that people with children shouldn’t be on a “childfree” thread. This site is called “mumsnet” should non mums be excluded - no. But if live & let live all around wouldn’t hurt.

That’s fine, but this whole post from OP is about a specific thread so I’m commenting on the thread in question. Otherwise I’d be commenting without content.

My point is don’t come on here playing a violin making out everyone is so mean online about childfree people if you’re saying or liking nasty such comments about parents yourself. Do unto others…people in glass houses and all that.

You do get that the posters on tattler and the posters on MN are not necessarily the same people right....

Do unless you can point to posters on this thread who have actually said nasty things or said they liked comment which were nasty about parents then I'm not sure why the posters on this thread are somehow to blame

Well obviously I do understand, we are shallow self obsessed bitches who don't know true love yadda yadda yadda

I had literally never heard of tattle until this thread. The assumption that we’re all lurking from there is so bizarre - I’ve been on MN for years!

I have been over to see what all the fuss is about and they are currently sharing tips on the best places to visit if you are disabled -such bitches, how do the sleep at night? (very well apparently as its impossible for them to actually be tired)

Oooh do they talk about childfree holiday destinations by any chance? Asking for a friend.

Yep they’ve been on best behaviour since last night funnily enough 🤣 supportive comments that don’t slag off parents like that are very rare on that thread trust me.

There are literally people on here who have defended the thread in question and advised why the thread title is called the way it is. So yes some on here are from there.