Childfree people ranting about parents

[the7Vabo]

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of.

The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

Society has not become more child centred at all. Parenting has become more child centred and changed the behaviour and expectations of parents. The rest of the world is typically just minding their business, and wanting to get on with their lives without having to centre other people's children in everything. Hence the conflict.

Have you ever spoken to your neighbor about the volume of noise?

I’ve lived in a mid-terrace house for years and we seldom have noise issues with our neighbors and vice versa, because we all communicate. We recently set up a mini gym in our basement, for example, and one neighbor told us that DS (14) punching the punch bag in the evening disturbed their TV watching. So I told DS and he only does it before 6 p.m. now.

Talk to your neighbor!

My experience:

Before having children - what are you waiting for? You are married, when do you plan to have a kid? Why marry if you don't want a kid?
When I had my kid - when will you have the 2nd kid? You are so selfish, you should have another one or he will be so lonely.

My answers to annoying people - you don't know anything about my health, maybe I can't have more kids, it's so insensitive to ask. You don't know anything about my financial situation, will you give me money to feed and raise a 2nd kid? Will you ask my manager for a significant salary raise?

I lost many friends because of this but I don't regret any of the things I told them when they asked inappropriate questions. Whatever your choices are, there will be always someone judging or assuming or speculating. Live and let live. Nobody should care about your choices.

The experiences of women without children are not new either

Many of the women burnt as witches were burnt because they were childless and when children fell ill the childless woman would be accused as a witch because it was assumed that she was so jealous of those with children that she cursed the children (aka the TV storylines of today that childless women will steal your baby)

And childless women in some countries are still treated with suspicion

By comparison I'm not sure what women without children have done to parents other than say a few mean comments on social media. I'm not sure the scales have tipped that far in our favour to be honest

I think that’s very wrong. She doesn’t belong in that group, her daughter might if she worked with you.

I completely get why parents want to prioritise their kids when it comes to stuff like annual leave, it’s hard to be a working parent & you only get so many summers etc with your kids. But that’s how society is. It’s not for non-parents or people with adult kids etc. to pick up the slack or put their own needs on the back burner constantly.

@ConfusedNT I work with someone who insists that childless women benefit from positive discrimination because we get paid more and promoted more. Ironically we all get paid the same at my grade and she’s more senior than me.

I've been asked in interviews whether I am going to have children and seen on my CV 'children?' so I think from a getting employed perspective I face as much discrimination as any woman of child bearing age

But I also find there is a lot of pressure on society on me to be a successful career woman, there's like an assumption that if you don't have children you must love your job and you must be striving for promotion etc.

Going back to what I said yesterday, TV/film portrayal of women without children is either a ruthless career woman who is generally a bitch, a woman who suddenly has children, or a woman who steals babies. There isn't much of a middle ground of a woman without children who just wants to have a nice job and go home and forget about it

I've been asked in interviews whether I am going to have children..

@ConfusedNT

Wow, I’m pretty sure that’s illegal. If you’re ever asked that question again, I’d push back and say that it’s not a question that they should be asking/it’s not relevant.

It is illegal, i turned that job down because i knew they would be terrible employers

@ConfusedNT A wise decision!

“There isn't much of a middle ground of a woman without children who just wants to have a nice job and go home and forget about it” - let’s be honest, hardly sounds like the most riveting tv show does it? 🤣

Most childfree people just get on with their lives and don’t see it as a big deal. It’s not unusual in the slightest anymore. You’re no more different than a huge chunk of society.

Some of the ones on these threads and especially on tattle have such a victim mentality and make being childfree their personality when there’s more to life and most people under 60 couldn’t GAF what you do or don’t do with your reproductive organs.

If you’re so happy with your choices then go be bloody happy and enjoy your freedom rather than whinging about parents and how dIfFeReNt you are all the bloody time. 🙄

I'm childless not childfree as I have already made clear on this thread repeatedly so that's a pretty insensitive comment

I'm on a thread about childfree/less people, if you think I go around talking about this all of the time then that's a strange mentality

If someone posts on a parking thread do you tell them everyone who drives just gets on with their lives and to stop making parking their who personality and to stop whinging about parking.

How come parents are allowed to talk about parenting but childless people aren't allowed to talk about being childlessness without being called self obsessed?

The thread title made it pretty clear there would be childfree/less people on here talking about that, if it annoys you this much why open the thread.

Do you also go on style and beauty and berate them for obsessing about their clothes?

I also love the irony of childless/free people being told to STFU because “nobody cares” and it’s “not even unusual” when the thread they’re posting on was started by a parent ranting about childless/free people.

Because the thread the OP is referring to is a specific ‘childfree by choice’ one which is what this whole thread is about. They sit there and make derogatory comments on mums bodies, breasts, and basically everything… it’s so toxic and I’m sick of them acting the victims when they’re nasty people!

Apologies…only the first paragraph was in reply to you, the rest is aimed at the mum bashers lurking here from tattle!

I don’t see anyone here ranting, but by that same thought process - this thread was actually created by a parent discussing a thread of childfree people ranting about mothers 🙃

Yeah, but the OP went into a thread specifically about being childfree, by childfree people, then got offended because she is a mother. That's what doesn't make sense to me.

It's like a vegan purposely going into a butcher's shop just to look then coming here to rant about all the disgusting meat sitting in the butcher's shop. Well, duh. What did you expect?

@BadNomad You’re just going to get a “MN is for mums!!!!” response here, sadly. You pesky mum basher you.

But that’s what the whole tattle childfree thread is, how do you not get the irony 🤣

It’s constant obsession of parents, watching exactly what they’re doing and how they’re acting in restaurants or shops. Most of us just get on with our own dinner company and don’t sit staring at other diners! Seeking out to be offended and ‘sick’ when someone’s breastfeeding. Maybe just don’t look?! Commenting on how disgusting your friends bodies who have had children are. It’s a lot more obsessive than someone reading a thread. These people are day in day out finding something to be annoyed about with parents!

I have a secret...

...I am a stepmother!

But that doesn't count on MN.

Well now you are blatantly an evil witch who needs to be burnt at the stake

I think step mothers get even more thoughless insensitive nasty comments on MN than women without children so you yet a double whammy

But of course its your own fault because you knew he had children.... 🙄

They're not saying that stuff to you, though. They're not saying that stuff to their friends with children. They're not trying to offend you. They're talking among themselves. People have all sorts of opinions.

Stop listening in to their conversations if you don't want to hear what they're saying!

This! The comments are not nice but many people think that way. Especially some men and while they have no right to say it to mothers or disrupt anyone breastfeeding I don’t think it’s wrong for them to discuss their opinions on a forum. The one about not liking pregnant bodies sounded like a fear to me. But whatever.

Quite 🤣

It's even worse than that...we don't have children because I don't like how he parents! I am a stepmother, who is childfree, and judgemental of other people's parenting. 😀

Oh, I see all the parents are proving our point about the suspicion & hostility about childfree women even more than when I last popped in.

My Bingo card has been filled three times over.