Childfree people ranting about parents

[the7Vabo]

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of.

The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

Ok…

I get it though (apart from the comments on women's bodies), all that other stuff sounds horrible when you don't have children. Heck it probably sounds horrible to people who do have children. I don't think I've ever seen a parent say they like softplay and being woken up at 5am. But the whole point of that thread is about being childfree, so those comments are in context of the thread. It's strange to go on that thread as a parent then get upset about it. I don't know what people were expecting?

"I had a great lie in this morning...but I actually wish I had a child to get me up at 5am." ?

Ketchupwee, seems quite a position to take there, imagine thinking of yourself as the person who is deemed special enough to validate other people's life choices. Having the occasional moan about the stresses of young children is hardly saying they have made a mistake and they wish they were you! It is such a momentary period of your life, I have my nearly 16 year old and 11 year old, far better company than many adults I know.

Oh some people really are dense 🤔😂😂😂🙄

But why constantly make digs in every comment. Why not just say your weekend plans and talk about travelling the world and other hobbies without constantly making backhand remarks towards mums which make them sound more bitter than anything else.

Like you say they’re united by being childfree - the baby threads are united by having babies, so they talk about them and the lives that they DO have…you don’t ever see a comment on the baby thread about people who don’t have babies or the shit lives they must have? I don’t know it just seems weird and toxic to me.

Well you must be new (or doing the faux surprise for effect which is a bit sad)

That topic and the many reasons why child free people use Mumsnet comes up frequently. Search is probably your friend

Bullshit baby threads don't mention childfree people. Can go on any forum and there will be loads of posts about new mums who childfree friends don't understand them any more. Their childfree friends don't get that their priorities have changed. Their childfree friends don't understand the love they feel and that no they can't possibly leave the baby for an hour etc. Chislfree people have never known tiredness etc.

It's one of the few safe spaces on the internet for childfree folk to verbalise their frustrations and talk about our weekend plans without being accused of bragging etc.

Because it's a thread specifically about being childfree, so the comments are about how being childfree is connected to their lives. They're not out looking for parents to make digs at them. They're not talking to parents. They're just in their own corner talking among themselves. If you as a parent go into their space (by space I mean thread that is clearly named), you only have yourself to blame for getting upset/offended.

Whose curtain twitching if you looked to see if they bit?

Oh come on, ‘my childfree friend doesn’t understand me anymore’ is hardly along the same lines as ‘it disgusts me when I see a woman breastfeeding’ ‘women’s bodies who get pregnant are so deformed and makes me feel disgust when I see my friends’ is it?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

There's definitely an attitude of something being defective about a childless woman. Which is frankly disgusting.

As a separate issue, I think the childfree people do seem to forget that we were all childfree at some juncture.

So for example, when literally every mother, says "you don't know real tiredness until you've had children" they are comparing themselves as a mother, to themselves when they were childfree. It's a different league (excluding medical conditions) and millions of women all saying the same thing about the same comparison before and after having a child, aren't wrong. I know that's just one small example, but I do find it irritating when a childfree person tries to accuse a parent of being patronising, or removing their validation. It's just that a parent will have experienced (as a direct result of having a child) things that a childfree person categorically hasn't. Good and bad. The parent has also experienced a child free period of time, so can compare the two scenarios through lived experience. The childfree person only has the childfree lived experience.

I never claimed it was.

You said baby threads don't mention chidlfree people and I was simply pointing out that you are wrong.

It's bollocks anyway, I had extreme insomnia most of my 20s before I jad children, right up until my first was born I was awake from about 2 - 6am every night. Weirdly, my son being born cured it. Just have been some hormone imbalance or something (pregnancy cured my IIH too which was alsp completely debilitating)

So yeah, I was way more tired before children.

She absolutely does and questioned me when I said it was none of her business

I did say excluding medical conditions, so you've not really made a point here.

Oh FFS I'm not suggesting that I am special, but it is quite common if you don't have kids to be badgered by people that do about why you don't, why you should, why you'll change your mind etc

The only reason I can think for them being so interested in what is going on (or not) in someone else's uterus is because they seem to think it is the only 'right' way of living i.e.seeking for people to agree with their own lifestyle choices. Child free people just happen to disagree AND THAT IS OK

The comment about what it often follows was more to do with the absolutely terrible marketing strategy 😉

I wasn't really trying to prove or disprove your point, just saying my own experience on tiredness 🤷

As an analogy, it's like if I had spent ten years working as a police officer, then ten years in the nursing sector, and stating that I found the police more tiring than nursing... for someone who'd solely been a nurse for twenty years, essentially stating that I didn't know what I was talking about.

Then if you swap "I" for millions and millions of women.

The point is having the lived experience from both perspectives, compared to only one perspective, before too many people focus on the tiredness thing.

@TwinsAndTiramisu how do you know your pre-children tiredness was the same as other people's tiredness? And how does you being more tired as a mother, help other people feel less tired than they are?

People can only feel what they feel. They can't know what you feel. Therefore, what you feel can't change what they feel. If someone says they're dead tired it's because they feel dead tired. Saying "you don't know what tiredness is" is stupid.

It's like you saying "The traffic was awful this morning." and me saying "No, it wasn't. You should see it in India!"

None of which I hope you needed to justify

I've been told 'your life doesnt really start til you have kids' and 'what family do you have?' when referring to my husband.

I personally believe that people are threatened by those who make different choices to them. Every choice has it's pros and cons, and seeing someone who chose a different path, can make us feel less confident about the choices we have made. People who feel threatened, often react defensively and unpleasantly. Which leads to more unpleasantness, etc.

Well one thing you don’t have is winning charisma and a good argument dear.

No it's not.

We all have different levels. But 99.9% of mothers will tell you that their tiredness was far greater once becoming a parent. Whether the pre existing level was small or large.

It's like you, having only lived in England saying "the traffic was awful this morning" and me, having lived in both England and India, replies "Yes it was, but honestly, you've not seen anything like the traffic in India."

Then rather than simply seeing that someone who's lived both places, is quite capable of comparing two scenarios, and can acknowledge there is a difference, the person who has never been to India complaining how this is having their experience minimised. It's not. Yes the traffic in England was indeed bad. That's all you've seen, so you wouldn't know the other perspective.

In fact that’s two on reflection… lucky you.