Childfree people ranting about parents

[the7Vabo]

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of.

The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

And I get the pet thing

My horse died after 10 years. Every time something went wrong with work or family etc, I would go to the stables and ride/see her. She was my constant basically
Then she died and all I wanted was in effect to "go home" to her and seek the usual comfort but she wasn't there. Like being homesick for a home that didn't exist any more and I was lost, and not knowing what to do
Was on sedatives for some time afterwards and I can't talk about her still, that was 4 years ago

again though misreading and misinterpreting as the conditions 'wouldn't be' the childfree person having a difficult time in any way

Nope, no idea what you're getting at here, sorry. Although I notice you've changed stance from childfree colleague having to consider parent colleague to empathy working both ways.

Maybe the colleague with children takes on extra work why the childfree colleague has a sabbatical or maybe they look after your work whilst you take two weeks away

I bloody wish. The reality being that when I was working I came back to two weeks work. Not much of this famous 'empathy' there.

you know I will be working for 48 years, of those I did about 20 child free where I picked up holidays around parents without begrudging them

Good for you, now try and realise that some people feel differently about aways letting parents have first dibs. And no, I don't know you'll be working for 48 years, why should I?

where I will be in the same boat as you

How do you know what boat I'm in?

Well yes I would have done but I haven't met a man who I wanted to have them with, and I can't afford them so that's that!

I call that "socially infertility" @Rebel2 and it was my situation. My 40s were very tough in this respect. And I get so so angry at the criticism blasted at women without children, when Peter Pan men get off scot free.

Because the thing that most people in "normal" families just do not see is not only the drip, drip, drip of friends, family, and strangers' opinions. Although that can be tough, especially when you are in a position you didn't want to be in.

It's not just that - it's that ALL our public institutions and systems - the taxation system, the salary system, the benefits system - every strand of society & its institutions, are organised around the assumption of a couple with children as the only form of family that is accommodated.

It's hard. I get from family about me not being married etc and I'm like "go lecture the men then!"
I've met men with alcohol issues, liars, cheats, ones that pretend to be single when they aren't...
and now my family are "it's a shame you've not met anyone"
Yeah, well I did and they're shit so do you blame me for not dating now?!

But my friends who have got married, had children and divorced mid thirties are seen as better?

Girl, pre child was only a year ago. I’m just pointing out that I’ve experienced both sides of the coin and was of your (SAME) opinion before having a child, which you haven’t experienced and therefore can’t make that assumption on how you would or would not feel.

anyway, let’s live and be happy… posting on MN and arguing the toss is hardly doing that. Hope you have a lovely week ♥️

MrsDanversGlidesAgain, how do you not understand what I'm explaining it is quite simple, the childfree person would not have any issues at all, not feel stressed from work, not have mental health issues meaning that week in October is the only one that can solve those issues. Jeez, it is literally a regular week in a regular organisation with a child free colleague with no external factors requiring them to have that week off! How have I changed my stance, my stance was everyone should be a bit more considerate in life, I've said that a few times now. Why not just be a bit kind.

I have definitely had to cover for people without children, that's fine. Also, I have also come back to loads of emails and work not touched by colleagues it has absolutely nothing to do with them having children or not!

Wow, didn't realize there were so many childfree people who were readers of 'Mumsnet' - a site overwhelmingly aimed at parents. I don't go to websites called 'childfreenet', because it isn't really my life. Who knew!

Sorry but that’s such a stupid comparison I’m not even going to start.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain you are right. You may have won the lottery and no longer work. You may be a kept woman and not work. You may be retired and no longer work. You maybe self employed and not have this issue. Ignoring your somewhat obtuse response, I will have been working for (as most do from 18 up until retirement at around 68 or whenever the constantly moving goalpost for state pension is) 32 years with the same holiday availability position as a child free person (because they will be my child free years) and somewhere around 16 years as a working parent.

I mean like.... Most topics on here aren't parent related. We can still talk about money, property, food, parking, news, relationships, holidays, politics, general life.
Just look at AIBU

FULL HOUSE

I claim the MN bingo for this thread on things said to childfree women

As it happens I came for the infertility support and stayed for the beating I get on a regular basis for not having children

I am disabled and have chronic illnesses that come with chronic fatigue and knowing this people with children have told me that I don't know what tiredness is, or how hard life can be.

I did have last week off and had several people email to say it was half term and I didn't have children. I had plans for valentines but even so, my work doesn't overlap with theirs and no one needs to cover me so why email.

It is constant.

Look the fact is parents generally are understanding to childfree people.

Take this thread right now- some posters are here on a website (really initially meant for parents) arguing the toss over how being childfree is better. I would say that’s pretty understanding of parents on here (and yes before someone bores me, I know it’s a website for everyone blah blah, but really it’s called Mumsnet for a reason. I’d say it’s for parents or people who really want to be one/ have an interest in parenting. And why is that now an unspeakable thing? Are we not allowed parenting websites for parents anymore without being fearful of offending people?)

I wouldn’t dream of going on a childfree site and telling everyone their choices were shit and that they must have children. Then when people didn’t like it saying kicking off saying people weren’t sympathetic to me.

There's even men in here

Not like there's chat, AIBU, bereavement, style and beauty....

…which doesn’t change the fact that you’re comparing yourself with yourself. You have experienced both for yourself, no one else. Someone else can experience both and have a completely different experience. The bottom line is no one can experience life as someone else.

I’ve been pregnant, in circumstances where I could afford to have a child and provide a stable and comfortable life. Another woman would be ecstatic in that situation, whereas I sprinted to the clinic. It’s individual.

If someone else thinks they love their kid more than I love X, what does that matter to me? Does it have any impact on my life? Am I required to agree with them, or to care? No. I’m not competing against anybody, and I don’t need to validate my emotions by trying to get other people to agree with me on their strength comparative to those of anyone else.

Why does someone else saying they love their dog as much as you love your kid matter to you? Does it take anything away from you? Does it have any impact on what you feel for your kid? Presumably no. Regardless, people are going to believe what they believe, no matter what you feel about it.

Oh god someone shouting ‘bingo’ over someone daring to suggest it’s a site primarily for parents. So original.

Most of society is not set up for families anymore. If you have children in education you realise how much you have to contribute now for that to be a decent one. I don't mean private schools, but all the cuts to the arts means you have to pay out high fees for drama, art, dance and music lessons. If your child is good at a sport there is not much provision for that in schools and nurturing it. University is means tested on your parents whereas my parents' income had nothing to do with my university accomodation payments. You can get Universal credit, widows pension without children. Salaries are going to be higher if you don't have to take any time out. Where I live children who are 15 can't even go to the evening cinema performance at arthouse cinemas without an adult. All nightlife is pretty much geared towards people without children present, as most of it should be but hardly the case that children have worked they way in to every corner of life. I don't think it is correct to talk about children like they are something to like or dislike, another species, they are humans like you and me but small ones.

Have you actually read the posts on this thread and come to that conclusion, honestly?

The vast majority of us are politely pointing out that we would like to not continously be told how empty our lives are without children whilst other posters persist in pointing out that it is

Given this is a site which has support for joth infertility and adoption (which may include people who choose to adopt without having biological children) maybe posters should remember that it's likely there will be some childless/childfree people on here regardless

Someone suprised there are childfree people on MN, so original

I wouldn’t dream of going on a childfree site and telling everyone their choices were shit and that they must have children. Then when people didn’t like it saying kicking off saying people weren’t sympathetic to me.

You're very welcome to go to the off-topic part of a childfree site and tell people how having children is amazing if you want.

Although to go back to the very original post- who cares what people say on a childfree website. I just wouldn’t read it in the first place as they are in a very different place to me and won’t get it. Posting it on here is daft though but some of the responses on here from people without children are unnecessary. I wouldn’t go on a childfree site and try and convert them.

To be honest I think Mumsnet is very confused in what it’s about. I really don’t see the harm in it being solely a parenting and supporting parents website- but clearly that’s a taboo thing these days.

This may blow some peoples' minds who want to insist on the dichotomy that exists between those with and without children but some of us parents have children and have mental health issues, physical health issues, anemia and tired from that as well as a baby up all night, are having a stressful time at work, have elderly parents that need our help as well as our dependent children, have been at hospital all night with our child as they have had a massive asthma attack but of course when you are parent well particularly a Mother it was your choice so why should anyone feel anything for you as an individual in your own right.

Well there are two ways to do that.
1- discuss only parental and ttc topics
2-ban people with no kids but how