Childfree people ranting about parents

[the7Vabo]

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of.

The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

No,the insult is to people's intelligence so you can insult parents by suggesting that half term holiday requests and their consideration is somehow asking those who are childfree to share the parental responsibilities. Just because I have an argument counter to that it doesn't give you the right to close down my opinion because you don't share it! You keep using my name by quoting me. The difference is I don't care as this is AIBU thread. If I want to do contribute to a thread I will!

Parenting is a choice, though.

Running marathons is far harder than walking to the shops, so should the world be rearranged to have kindness and understanding for that as well?

Well said!! Your post sums up how I feel about people judging me because I have no children, the choice was taken from me for medical reasons.

@Ketchupwee my DC come from a long line of useful members of society, so fingers crossed their hardworking, sensible genes come through for them.

The reality is parenting (especially small people and those with SEN) is far harder than being childfree.

This is a weird sentence. The act of having dependents is harder than the act of not having them, but some childfree people may have harder lives overall than parents. Having kids isn't the only thing that makes life difficult, which is how that sentence reads.

But why not have a world arranged kindness full stop as the opposite full of hostility, no empathy and no compassion is a pretty shit scenario for most people!

Even if this were true, which I disagree with, why the need for it to be recognised as the supreme state of being? No, I don’t know what unconditional love for a child feels like. I also don’t know what it’s like to grow up in France, or what it’s like to be a man, or even what it’s like to love living rurally. I neither want to nor need to know what those things are like, and my lack of knowledge of those things would not constitute a ‘missing out’.

I don’t understand the need for one type of love, for one type of relationship, to be lauded as the most important, or meaningful. Like love can be quantified, measured, or contrasted and compared. It can’t be. It’s an entirely individual experience, the only emotions you’ll ever know are your own. So why does it need to be treated as a competition?

No you are accusing childfree people who need time off at the same time as a parent during children's school holidays as lacking empathy when in fact you may not know they have a health or other unknown reason why they need the time off.

The fact that you don’t love your parents in an all-consuming unconditional way doesn’t mean that nobody else does

You have a totally different experience, obviously everyone didn’t have kids at one point in their life 😂 if that’s your definition of childless! ( Its usually used for people who can’t/won’t ever have kids)

If you had your kids in your 20s or early 30s it’s very likely it’s because people don’t expect every single woman to have kids from an early age. When you start edging past 35 is often when the rudeness really begins, not to mention 48+ when people are realising you’re unlikely to have any kids ever

also just because you didn’t experience something doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen to a lot of others. Listen to what others are saying on here. It happens!

Well said. Nail on head.

A healthy parent parenting a healthy child who sleeps well etc does have it harder than a healthy childfree person who has no issues going on in their life

But a healthy parent parenting a healthy child who sleeps well does not necessarily have it harder than someone with painful disabilities, or someone caring for a sick parent etc

There are all variations on easy and hard and the reality is that some parents have things easier than some child free people and some childfree people have things easier than parents and the stages of easy and hard will vary throughout everyone's life.

A bit of kindness and understanding goes both ways

Childfree people and single persons are treated as second class citizens in this country. They are not even mentioned by the government who like to talk about support for hard working family’s, which is great, family’s do work hard, however the child free are ignored and seen as a little odd.

all the arguments of you may change your mind and knowing unconditional love are also true

They're really not to those who have chosen not to have children. They're offensive and patronising.

Well quite, that's what I said. It is evidently true though just like you don't know what being a man feels like you don't know what being a parent feels like. And the pp doesn't love their parents like a child because their parents are not dependent on them.

However many parents are shit and don't understand children. As a teacher and Psychologist I agree. Many parents clearly don't feel that love or do but don't understand child development. But that doesn't mean those with those quals would be better parents, believe me it all goes out the window when it's your own child or children. As I'm sure medical Dr's still get worried about silly things etc.

But they're also true!

It is true and I absolutely hate to shoot you down and I’m not here to be part of a civil war, as I'm not interested. I don’t think you’re missing out because at the end of the day, you can’t miss something you’ve never experienced and you’ve made your choice and you’re at peace with it; and that’s ok!

I love my dog, I’ve been a huge dog lover for years along with being childfree, but as soon as my child was born (I thought it was a taboo), it’s just an overwhelming feeling and it really isn’t comparable. However, I do understand the love for pets, my dog is my first child in my eyes and he is a priority, but my child is the forefront of everything.

it is not a competition at all, I’m just telling you this as I was childfree for a long time where I thought I couldn’t love anything more than my dog (14 years and still going strong), but my child did change that and I really didn’t think it was possible either. Your feelings are still very valid.

If you deny that often the biological urge does come later then ok then. But many people do change their minds. Some may not get the urge and so they won't want to. However biology would suggest that mammals will usually get this. If you ignore the urge because you make a rational choice that's fine too.

I’m assuming you’re quite young? I think you’ll find as you get older that your parents may well be dependent on you

How?

As with everything, there are exceptions to the rule. But the vast majority of childfree by choice women do not change their mind, and it is patronising to tell them otherwise. I don't like cinnamon, if someone kept telling me to try cinnamon because I might change my mind it's no different.

I know unconditional love. I don't know loge as a parent, because I am not and will never be one, but I know what unconditional love is.

Just because we've never had children doesn't mean we're not normal functioning women.

It's not really that it's not a valid choice, but all the arguments of you may change your mind and knowing unconditional love are also true.

Its also true that if you have children you may regret it, it's also true that if you have children they may not end up delightful but may end up in prison or not speaking to you.

Just because things are true in your opinion doesn't mean they need to be trotted out on every thread about childfree people

If its a valid choice it's a valid choice full stop. It doesn't need to be quantified with a but, that but takes away the validity of the choice.

It's a valid choice to have children but your partner is more likely to abuse you after, maybe we should be saying that more?

I am almost 40 and I have never had an urge to have children.

I love my dog, I’ve been a huge dog lover for years along with being childfree, but as soon as my child was born (I thought it was a taboo), it’s just an overwhelming feeling and it really isn’t comparable. However, I do understand the love for pets, my dog is my first child in my eyes and he is a priority, but my child is the forefront of everything.

I think it was on MN that I read the post by someone who said it wasn't until she got married and had kids that she realised just how much she loved ... her dog.

I think society just likes judging women - for not having children, for having children, for not having enough children, for having too many children, for staying at home, for going to work...

Everyone should just mind their own business. We all have our own reasons for the decisions we make.

Amen!