Page 13 | Childfree people ranting about parents

the7Vabo · 2023-02-22T09:59:58+00:00

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of. The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

ConfusedNT · 22/02/2023 14:50

LoveHearts69 · 22/02/2023 14:43

I know the thread you’re referring to and while some on there have reasonable and funny posts, others are completely vitriolic in their comments. Posts from people about how disgusting and disfigured mums bodies are, that breastfeeding mothers make them feel sick and they ‘should have evolved from that’ - (yes there really are some comments that idiotic!)

All for people being happily childfree and living their best lives but you don’t get parents calling childfree people’s ‘gross barren bodies’ or how disgusting their useless breasts are do you?! It’s so personal and some seem like they’re too angry to truly be happy in their decision. ISWIS.

I've literally been called a broken woman, and had someone give feedback to HR than I shouldn't mention my infertility because it was disgusting

That doesnt justify the comments you have mentioned though. Womens bodies are fucking glorious in everything they do, and should be celebrated as such. Its really disappointing in this day and age that conversations around breastfeeding are anything other than positive

Goldenbear · 22/02/2023 14:52

fitzwilliamdarcy, no you didn't, you made the political personal and pretended that your comments weren't about me. Now I'm sure they were about every parent but I am one so can't you see that actually makes them about me, particularly as you were responding to my post.

Comprehension skills are clearly lacking as I have said many times now that it is about consideration for others. If you want to spend half term dates rearranging your kitchen cupboards then no one is stopping you putting in that request but if you know your colleague only has half term to experience that unstructered time or desperately needs to provide child care and you could possibly have your pottering week off the week before, the week after or any number of weeks afterwards, you may think to yourself, you know what I don't need to do pottering half term week so I'll leave it. It is called empathy and consideration. You are being disingenuous to say you don't understand or that I haven't provided an explanation. No line managers need to hear everyone's reasons and then decide on how needy of that time off someone is. Never said that at all, I said you may find it within yourself to have some consideration and make that call- you know just to be nice!

Plenty and I mean plenty of threads even on Mumsnet berate Mothers for their inadequate parenting skills and mostly when you become a Mother you are invisible and a pesky irritation that has to try and be accommodated IN WORK, at your child's school, in restaurants, in theatres, in cinemas, in museums - always fucking judged. So no, it is not some worshipped status, hardly!

ConfusedNT · 22/02/2023 14:53

Prinnny · 22/02/2023 14:48

@ConfusedNT seeing as you’re struggling, said by me at 1318

Not all childless women always act well and neither do mothers, it’s not an us versus them situation, surely you can acknowledge there’s right and wrong on both sides of the debate?

You decided to ignore this and continue to tell me that my example was speaking against all childless women! Hence my opinion that you are unwilling to accept or discuss the part childfree women play.

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Ooh I missed answering part of your post and from that you assumed my opinion

Right okay.... 🙄

Yes some women don't act well and others do. Some use abusive techniques to answer posters and others dont. Childless women aren't saints and neither are parents, although some of both probably deserve to be

I'm so glad you managed to overcome your boredom to prove I hadnt said what you said i had

MNbingo · 22/02/2023 14:54

BadNomad · 22/02/2023 14:19

Where is this childless community people keep mentioning?? Do people get together (after a long lie in at the weekends) to discuss their childless lives?

I’m on several childfree groups on Facebook and some do meet up in some regions. I wouldn’t go to one, but it happens.

backoftheplane · 22/02/2023 14:55

Prinnny · 22/02/2023 14:48

@ConfusedNT seeing as you’re struggling, said by me at 1318

Not all childless women always act well and neither do mothers, it’s not an us versus them situation, surely you can acknowledge there’s right and wrong on both sides of the debate?

You decided to ignore this and continue to tell me that my example was speaking against all childless women! Hence my opinion that you are unwilling to accept or discuss the part childfree women play.

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the struggle is real here.... @ConfusedNT asked for an example of what they had said that supports what you were claiming they said. Not an example of something you said – which btw in no way negates the problematic nature of your initial post that uses the behaviour of one person to imply a pattern of behaviour by an entire group...

LoveHearts69 · 22/02/2023 14:56

ConfusedNT · 22/02/2023 14:50

I've literally been called a broken woman, and had someone give feedback to HR than I shouldn't mention my infertility because it was disgusting

That doesnt justify the comments you have mentioned though. Womens bodies are fucking glorious in everything they do, and should be celebrated as such. Its really disappointing in this day and age that conversations around breastfeeding are anything other than positive

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I’m really sorry you were called that, that’s disgusting behaviour from your colleagues. You’d be well within your rights to do them for discrimination for that!

Thank you, the bf comment upset me as feeding in public is scary enough with a newborn and then you read that people’s attitudes are like that about it ☹️

jay55 · 22/02/2023 14:57

I'm childfree by choice.

The people who I hear bitching about parents the most are people with grown up kids.

Goldenbear · 22/02/2023 15:00

Well that is not the case on here. Anecdotally, the people I know who are annoyed by children don't have them by choice.

Maybebabyno2 · 22/02/2023 15:00

LoveHearts69 · 22/02/2023 14:56

I’m really sorry you were called that, that’s disgusting behaviour from your colleagues. You’d be well within your rights to do them for discrimination for that!

Thank you, the bf comment upset me as feeding in public is scary enough with a newborn and then you read that people’s attitudes are like that about it ☹️

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Ah don't worry about breast feeding in public. I gave birth during the first lockdown, I just couldn't do breastfeed, no one could actually help as it all went online and HV etc couldn't touch me. Ended up bottle feeding.

The amount of dirty looks I got taking a bottle of Cow and Gate out of my bag was rediculous. You get the shitty judgey looks either way so best just ignore totally!

Prinnny · 22/02/2023 15:02

backoftheplane · 22/02/2023 14:55

the struggle is real here.... @ConfusedNT asked for an example of what they had said that supports what you were claiming they said. Not an example of something you said – which btw in no way negates the problematic nature of your initial post that uses the behaviour of one person to imply a pattern of behaviour by an entire group...

Show quote history

The point is that she hasn’t said anything other than that my example was a generalisation on all childless women…you are both too fixated on that to engage in anything else!

fitzwilliamdarcy · 22/02/2023 15:13

LoveHearts69 · 22/02/2023 14:43

I know the thread you’re referring to and while some on there have reasonable and funny posts, others are completely vitriolic in their comments. Posts from people about how disgusting and disfigured mums bodies are, that breastfeeding mothers make them feel sick and they ‘should have evolved from that’ - (yes there really are some comments that idiotic!)

All for people being happily childfree and living their best lives but you don’t get parents calling childfree people’s ‘gross barren bodies’ or how disgusting their useless breasts are do you?! It’s so personal and some seem like they’re too angry to truly be happy in their decision. ISWIS.

All for people being happily childfree and living their best lives but you don’t get parents calling childfree people’s ‘gross barren bodies’ or how disgusting their useless breasts are do you?! I

One of my colleagues when finding out I'd had to have a hysterectomy to save my life, blurted out that she'd rather have died than not get to have kids. That wasn't cruelly meant, but it was really unpleasant to hear.

We also get told, incessantly, that we're not properly adult, don't know love, or are incomplete as women. They aren't jibes at physical appearance, but this stuff goes both ways, trust me.

Reugny · 22/02/2023 15:16

Goldenbear · 22/02/2023 14:52

fitzwilliamdarcy, no you didn't, you made the political personal and pretended that your comments weren't about me. Now I'm sure they were about every parent but I am one so can't you see that actually makes them about me, particularly as you were responding to my post.

Comprehension skills are clearly lacking as I have said many times now that it is about consideration for others. If you want to spend half term dates rearranging your kitchen cupboards then no one is stopping you putting in that request but if you know your colleague only has half term to experience that unstructered time or desperately needs to provide child care and you could possibly have your pottering week off the week before, the week after or any number of weeks afterwards, you may think to yourself, you know what I don't need to do pottering half term week so I'll leave it. It is called empathy and consideration. You are being disingenuous to say you don't understand or that I haven't provided an explanation. No line managers need to hear everyone's reasons and then decide on how needy of that time off someone is. Never said that at all, I said you may find it within yourself to have some consideration and make that call- you know just to be nice!

Plenty and I mean plenty of threads even on Mumsnet berate Mothers for their inadequate parenting skills and mostly when you become a Mother you are invisible and a pesky irritation that has to try and be accommodated IN WORK, at your child's school, in restaurants, in theatres, in cinemas, in museums - always fucking judged. So no, it is not some worshipped status, hardly!

Spending unstructured time with a child isn't anyones concern but that parent.

If the childfree person needs the time off to re-arrange their cupboards otherwise their mental health will crack then they need the time off more.

If the parent needs the time off for childcare and the childfree person also needs the time off for health reasons, then you need to get HR to decide who will be more successful suing you and give that person the time off.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 22/02/2023 15:16

Goldenbear · 22/02/2023 14:52

fitzwilliamdarcy, no you didn't, you made the political personal and pretended that your comments weren't about me. Now I'm sure they were about every parent but I am one so can't you see that actually makes them about me, particularly as you were responding to my post.

Comprehension skills are clearly lacking as I have said many times now that it is about consideration for others. If you want to spend half term dates rearranging your kitchen cupboards then no one is stopping you putting in that request but if you know your colleague only has half term to experience that unstructered time or desperately needs to provide child care and you could possibly have your pottering week off the week before, the week after or any number of weeks afterwards, you may think to yourself, you know what I don't need to do pottering half term week so I'll leave it. It is called empathy and consideration. You are being disingenuous to say you don't understand or that I haven't provided an explanation. No line managers need to hear everyone's reasons and then decide on how needy of that time off someone is. Never said that at all, I said you may find it within yourself to have some consideration and make that call- you know just to be nice!

Plenty and I mean plenty of threads even on Mumsnet berate Mothers for their inadequate parenting skills and mostly when you become a Mother you are invisible and a pesky irritation that has to try and be accommodated IN WORK, at your child's school, in restaurants, in theatres, in cinemas, in museums - always fucking judged. So no, it is not some worshipped status, hardly!

Please just stop talking to me.

Goldenbear · 22/02/2023 15:21

Reugny, again deliberately misinterpreting my words to suit your own argument.
fitzwilliamdarcy, I'm responding to your insults about me a few posts up.

Goldenbear · 22/02/2023 15:22

And actually I'm posting on a thread and my posts aren't all aimed at you at all. Please stop declaring that they are.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 22/02/2023 15:24

Your posts which start with my username are presumably aimed at me. The "insult" was that you responded to me with a personal diatribe. Which you responded to with another personal diatribe. I'm asking you to stop talking to me so please do so.

Reclaimtheoutdoors · 22/02/2023 15:28

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 22/02/2023 10:20

I think childfree women are still treated like they are completely defective. People with children telling them they don’t know what love is till they have a child, they can’t possibly be tired or know what being tired is until they have a child (someone I know with insomnia due to a chronic pain condition was told this….), they’ll “grow out” of not wanting children etc…
Yet when the shoes on the other foot parents seem to get quite shocked.

All of this. So true.

And btw, I love children hence multiple friends have made me their kids godmother.

BlueHeelers · 22/02/2023 15:34

But you absolutely no not understand the love you feel for a child until you've had one - it's totally overwhelming. And your dog is NOTHING LIKE a substitute child ffs.

It's this kind of statement that kind of proves the point about the prejudice and judgement of childfree people. Parents just can't help themselves saying this sort of thing, it seems.

YoMommaHere · 22/02/2023 15:35

I know the thread you’re talking about and I agree people should have a safe place to talk about their experiences and discuss. Most of the comments are ok and I get it, but what I don’t agree with is the disgusting comments about womens bodies who have had children and how disgusting breastfeeding is. What ever happened to women supporting women?
How can you comment on something you’ve never actually done yourself? You have NO IDEA what it’s like to have PP body and you have NO IDEA what it’s like to breastfeed.
As the CF people all said on that thread, if you don’t like it, don’t look… well if you don’t like breastfeeding or PP bodies, then don’t look.
it’s full of hypercontradictions!
I was CF for 30+ years, and I have absolutely nothing against that choice in life, I applaud you for standing with your choice, likewise to women who have children!
YOU do YOU.

Reclaimtheoutdoors · 22/02/2023 15:37

Guis · 22/02/2023 10:54

Being childfree is not always a choice for many people. Adoption might not be suitable for a range of reasons.

It doesn't follow they are not able to express an opinion should they choose to do so about parenting /society related issues.

Exactly this. I happen to have a lot of experience of kids from being an educator , Aunty etc and while it’s not the same as being a parent, I have had a lot of insight into a wide range of children's lives. Conversely some parents are fairly clueless even years into having children.

We live in an interconnected society, how people raise their kids affect everyone. Think anti-social behaviour etc or when I was a teacher - disruptive kids in my class . so I definitely should and will have an opinion! (And my tax goes towards children's services and schools too!)

Applesandcarrots · 22/02/2023 15:40

BlueHeelers · 22/02/2023 15:34

But you absolutely no not understand the love you feel for a child until you've had one - it's totally overwhelming. And your dog is NOTHING LIKE a substitute child ffs.

It's this kind of statement that kind of proves the point about the prejudice and judgement of childfree people. Parents just can't help themselves saying this sort of thing, it seems.

This is the thing. The love is different. Like a love is different towards parents than towards partner for example.
The problem is the "you don't know real love until you had a child" rather that just simply stating "it is different kind of love". Tbh no one should be telling anyone they don't know what some kind of love is. People have different live experiences and experiences of love. Why si my love for others not real? It is. Is it different to love towards own child? Yes. Does it make it any less of a love? No.

My DH sometimes makes me skip a breath still. That's love. Is it same like love for child? No. Is it real love? Yes.

FlippyFloppyShoe · 22/02/2023 15:40

Sorry I just see the acronym 'CF' and automatically think this means CheekyFecker on MN which made me chuckle reading one of the messages with that in....has that now been appropriated to mean ChildFree?

Norriscolesbag · 22/02/2023 15:42

Childfree people don’t half seem obsessed with parents. Just crack on, no one is interested, all parents have been childfree at some point. The reality is parenting (especially small people and those with SEN) is far harder than being childfree. So kindness and understanding of that goes a long way.

Boomboom22 · 22/02/2023 15:43

It's not really that it's not a valid choice, but all the arguments of you may change your mind and knowing unconditional love are also true. In no way can achildgree person know what the all-consuming unconditional love for a child is like, it is not possible. If they think they do love their dog like that or their mum they are showing that they don't get it. Nothing wrong with that but don't pretend you know what being a parent is like if you are not one.

Norriscolesbag · 22/02/2023 15:43

Can I just add- SOME, definitely not all to that first sentence.