Childfree people ranting about parents

[the7Vabo]

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of.

The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

YABU. Childfree people - especially women - have been treated as freaks and weirdos for years, and it is exhausting. Some parents seem to think it's fine to grill us about our choices and treat us as if we are defective. Add that to the fact that society is entirely constructed for children and their parents, and maybe you'll understand why some childfree people feel that they need a "safe space".

@teder you sound like a great manager. The idea of having to sit in a company wide meeting and "compete" for who has the "best" reason for leave is frankly ridiculous. Anyone who agrees with this is either agreeing because it benefits them, or agreeing because they don't want to be seen as difficult.

If you would like to point to exactly where I have misrepresented your words then please do

I have quoted your post to back up what I am saying

@fitzwilliamdarcy thanks

It doesn’t mean it won’t be true. I imagine they’ll know I love them more than anything anyway so no need to labour the point.

If someone doesn't have a child, why wouldn't their dog be the most important thing to them?

I would die for my dog. I would kill your dog if it went for my dog. My dog is more important to me than your dog is because he is mine. My dog is more important to me than your child is because he is mine. Why is that so hard to understand? I love my dog. I don't love your daughter.

I’m not being ‘fashionable’, and dismissing it doesn’t make what I’ve said any less true. Feelings are personal, and you cannot compare and contrast them with anyone but yourself. You can never experience those of someone else.

I have no vested interest one way or the other tbh, I don’t need to compare my feelings with anyone else’s in order to consider them valid, and what someone else may think is up to them. I’m not going to be offended if they think they experience love for whatever to a greater, lesser or equal degree than me, because it has no bearing on my experience. It doesn’t matter.

@Moonicorn I would never do this. But people die fairly often trying to save their pets from dangerous situations like icy lakes or fires. They love their pets enough to risk their life for them. I do not feel that depth of love for my rabbits although I do love them.

I agree you can't say how much anyone else loves someone.
There are parents who frankly do not appear to love their children much or at all. Lots of dads and more rarely mums who walk away from their children with barely a backward glance.

Yes that’s why I said your average decent parent. Not a shitty negligent one.

Absolutely like I said I willingly put myself in harms way to protect my dog without a second thought. But, still not on the level I love my daughter.

I would die for my dog. I would kill your dog if it went for my dog.

@BadNomad I do find that depth of love for a pet scary, tbh, even though I love my dog very much.

I wouldn’t die for him and I certainly wouldn’t kill another animal that went for him (he was once attacked by a German Shepard, I rescued him, that was it). I’ll be sad when he dies, but that’s it.

So, you will be sitting there with your daughter, crying her little heart out because someone online told her that she will never understand true love due to her infertility, and you will sit there thinking "well, that poster was right".

Ey, sure you will

I take my responsibility as a pet owner very seriously. I chose to get him therefore I am responsible for giving him the best life. That includes teaching him, saving him, keeping him safe, getting him help when he is ill, giving him love etc. He is not a toy. He is not an ornament. He is a living creature who didn't get a choice about being here.

Every single person judging someone for wanting to save their pet more than their child, would kill that same child if it meant saving their own. They're dressing it up as them prioritising human life but it's about their children and nothing more.

As a woman who did not have children I have experienced every type of reaction from outright hostility and belittling to bemusement and confusion. Even the language used feels problematic to me - childless implies loss and less than, so seems patronizing, childfree doesn't quite work for me either. Weirdly the people who are coolest with me and my choices are not always the ones I expect. And other people who I thought would be cooler have sometimes really shown some nasty attitudes to me and my life. Upshot is that my life is worth as much as anyone's. As for the rant - I think everyone needs safe space to say what their experience is.

Hang on, we’re discussing childfree people, not childless. Little goalpost change there by you and when did I ever say ‘you don’t understand true love’? Fuck me, your post is entirely fantasy! 😂

So you are dividing parents into two groups.

1. Those who love their children very deeply, more deeply than any pets are good parents.
2. Parents who do not love their children or love their pets more are shitty parents.

It is not a helpful distinction. Some parents try to be good parents but do struggle to love their children. Some parents appear to love each other more than their children - Carol Thatcher said this about her parents.

I do not think it is helpful to compare love across populations like you are. Everyone is different. I believe people when they say they love their pet more than any human beings. Not my experience, but I accept they are not me and have different feelings.

@ConfusedNT

I said childless people because both men and women can be childless, I gave one example and you’ve decided this is how the entire childless community are viewed, not me. Twisting my one example to fit your narrative.

Or they could end up in prison or off their face in a crack house. I get that people need to believe that their kids will end up being useful members of society, but it's not guaranteed

♥️♥️♥️

Pets and animals are so amazing, they truly are a life force.

@BadNomad Fair enough, but not being willing to die for my pet doesn’t make me a bad pet owner either. My dog is a rescue found wandering in a park starving and eating out of bins. He’s had a very good life since he’s lived with us with plenty of love and attention.

I still regard him a pet though and there’s a limit to what I’ll do for him. 🤷

Where is this childless community people keep mentioning?? Do people get together (after a long lie in at the weekends) to discuss their childless lives?

fitzwilliamdarcy well you clearly don't empathise as you are mocking my unstructured time comments. Yes DH and I both have colleagues with DC but at Christmas time our offices are closed for everyone in both our cases so no issues there and the summer of course everyone has to be accommodated but that wasn't my point and neither is my point that holiday requests in school holidays should only be for those with children. What I actually said was that if you are that person and don't actually need the holiday for festivals, extended family holidays or whatever reason that fits the PP criteria, you may find it in yourself to forgo that time for someone's pretty critical need for it. Just about consideration really.

Again please show how I have twisted your words?

Is it possible, given more than one person has said the same to you, that what you said in your post didn't quite explain what you meant?

Trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here as you appear to be backtracking and applying some impressive darvo at the same time