Grandfather smacked DS bottom

[ranblungs]

DS can have meltdowns/big tantrums, usually when he's very tired. More so when he's at his grandparents' house (ex's parents). They have communicated to me that they found his behaviour very difficult at one point, but it seems to have resolved now.

ExDP did live with them but moved our two weeks ago.

DS (aged 4) told me yesterday evening that grandad had smacked his bottom because he was being naughty and that it "really hurt" he got upset as he was telling me and cried. I get the impression this wasn't necessarily recent.

DS also can play up at bed time when he is there and he told me that grandad pushes him back onto the bed for being naughty at bed time.

I'm not sure what to do next?

They are huge sources of childcare, ExDP is supposed to have him two nights per week but often works away so they will have him. They also help out during the week as/when needed.

The relationship between us was once very strained when DS was tiny.

I am furious that he has hit my child. Am I overreacting as it was just a smack on the bottom?

DS can be very challenging there.

I wouldn't be hysterical over a smacked bottom.

@GoodChat obviously not-you and many others are being very deliberately obtuse. I was smacked only very occasionally (once every few months or less)

I'm not being obtuse. I think your rationale is bizarre.

You can still remember being hit so it's clearly damaging but don't see it as abuse.

@GoodChat don't talk such shit-I remember my mum making scones with me regularly too-does that mean I was damaged by that? Honestly-please don't attempt to tell me what has damaged me and what hasn't

I'm still interested to hear if the posters who were hit by adults and think it was fine, hit their own children.

Ok it sounds like you're a healthy, balanced adult who thinks it's ok to hit children so that's worked out well.

😂

They've said it's fine so one can only assume they smack their children on a regular.

You'd just be wrong.

@GoodChat well your comprehension clearly isn't too good because if you'd read my previous posts you'd see that actually I didn't smack my own children because I feel there are better ways to discipline. Not because smacking is child abuse or damaged me in any way.

@Pearlygates and you would be wrong

If it's not abuse and didn't damage you, why not do it?

I have to remind myself sometimes that a lot of people don't find it as easy as I do to accept that their parents fucked up.

Why don't you go back and actually read what this poster has said?

@ReneBumsWombats as I already explained, I simply used different methods of discipline, smacking was becoming very unpopular when my kids were small.

Sure, but why? If there isn't actually anything wrong with smacking, what's the improvement?

And some people are determined to accuse others of fucking up when they haven't. Not everything is someone else's fault.

Being raised to think it's acceptable to hit children is the fault of the person who taught you that.

No one died from a black eye and broken nose.

What exactly is your point? If it doesn't kill you, it's fine?

If you hit your kids, you fucked up. It's an independently terrible parenting non-technique and it's always a mistake.

It's astonishing to me that in 2023, that still needs to be said, but like I said...

No, she would hold a different opinion to you, that's all.

@ReneBumsWombats what's changed is that no one has any common sense any longer and can tell the difference between normal loving parents who only ever smacked once in a blue moon when at the end of their tether (perhaps not ideal but acceptable) and violent abusive morons at the other end of the spectrum who knock their families about. Suddenly the world stopped being able to tell the difference and started screaming 'abuse' at everyone and hey presto, smacking is 'violence' and illegal.
Ridiculous. It's not an improvement.

I can't believe what I'm reading. No it's never OK to hit a poor defenseless child for whatever reason. it's so fucked up in so many ways and causes LIFETIME TRAUMA.

Gosh this brings back horrible memories for me and although I have since forgiven my mum, I can never forget it!

And for those who think just because your parents did nice things for you then it warrants them hitting you as a child; that's the kind of trauma I'm talking about.

By all means my mum was decent, yes she took care of us etc but the trauma covers all that up honestly!

I can never put my child through that. Logically I can't understand why anyone would think hitting a child will make them "fall in line".

It's abuse, end of!

Hitting kids is not a matter of opinion. The studies have been done, the evidence is clear. It is now known to be a shit and damaging technique. The fact that some people kept it to the milder end of the spectrum and offset it elsewhere doesn't change the fact that it is known to be a shit and damaging technique.

Anyone still defending it now is probably even worse because now we know how shit it is.

Would it be ok for an adult to smack your child around the head? Or pinch their arm? After all, it's only a quick violent act against a body part.

"Smacked bottom" is the same as any other physical violence. It's not 'just' a smacked bum, it's inflicting pain. It's weak discipline and totally cruel.