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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed at poor response re street party

494 replies

Geminijust · 21/02/2023 13:58

Smallish, quiet street, approx 45 houses, generally pretty friendly. Neighbour & I thought it might be nice to throw a party for the coronation. Council encouraging it by offering road closures & free insurance.

Sent out a note with a return slip asking people to say if they would interested, if they would be willing to help and inviting comments & suggestions. Gave them 2 weeks to respond. Deadline has passed and we have 17 responses, all positive, but that's less than half the street! AIBU to think it's really disappointing and actually rather rude :-(

Think we're going to send text to those that bothered to respond thanking them but, as we don't have a majority, informing them we will not be proceeding.

😐

OP posts:
C4ou56 · 21/02/2023 14:45

17 is a good response and more are likely to join in on the day. If you’re already finding your not enjoying large scale party planning it’s also ok to accept that and to not go ahead and organising the event

Ambertonix · 21/02/2023 14:46

I cant think of anything worse than a street party with people i hardly know. I dont think the majority of people could care less about the Royal Family and the fact that they are planning to spend all this money at a time when people are struggling just to put one foot in front of the other is, frankly obscene. He is the King already, he has been for months from the moment the Queen passed away so do we really need to make a big deal this far on?

Iamclearlyamug · 21/02/2023 14:46

I don't think its rude, especially if you said to respond if interested - clearly those who didn't aren't.

To be fair I have nothing against the royal family or street parties and celebrating the coronation, but I would actually sooner die than go to a street party with my neighbours - I don't dislike them, I'll make polite basic chit chat if I come across one of them, but I don't know them and I'd like to keep it that way 🤷‍♀️

17 responses is positive and you should go ahead

Makilda · 21/02/2023 14:46

We had a street party once. A bit of the street was cordoned off as half the road wasn't interested. Totally fine.

No chance I'd ever do it again, mind. And I definitely wouldn't be interested in celebrating the bloody coronation.

You've got 17 households interested, so just do a smaller version. Or a picnic somewhere.

Brokendaughter · 21/02/2023 14:46

If I lived on that sort of street, I probably wouldn't have responded because I'd have guessed it was some kind of junk mail & would have zero interest in attending anyway.

If people had a street party for such a rare occasion, as long as they didn't expect me to pay for it I wouldn't care about the road being closed for a couple of hours.

17 families is a lot to have said yes & some others will probably turn up on the day when they see it going on, so I'd go ahead if I were you.

Not wanting to be part of it is not the same as not wanting other people to have their idea of fun.

Cosyblankets · 21/02/2023 14:47

I don't really read leaflets.
I wouldn't be interested in a street party so replying would not be my priority

tattygrl · 21/02/2023 14:47

RoseGoldEagle · 21/02/2023 14:45

A 38% response rate is actually very good, especially if they were all positive! Of course the others aren’t rude just because they’ve not responded to something that you want to do but they’re not interested in! I imagine they assumed no response would be taken as ‘not interested’. You could send something else saying ‘17 houses are interested in taking part and you’re keen to go ahead, but it would involve road closures, could anyone who isn’t interested in attending let you know if they have any objection to that? Otherwise you’ll proceed with the party.’

This is the way.

In the absence of any evidence to the contrary, OP, give people the benefit of the doubt and assume the best. They're not rude, they've got their own busy lives!

Give them a chance to object to the road closures and to your plans in general. Keep all of this light - it's meant to be fun.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 21/02/2023 14:49

Geminijust · 21/02/2023 14:05

Thing is, the road would be closed, impacting those not taking part, so we can't really go ahead if the majority don't want it. There was the option to say they're not interested so think it's rude to not even acknowledge people making an effort, even if it's thanks but no thanks!

You think it’s rude not to acknowledge an unsolicited contact? People are busy, they have their own lives. They haven’t actually objected so I’d just crack on if I was you.

I don’t see why you would have to close the entire road though. Even if I wanted to attend a bunch of busybodies telling me that I could leave my home for a day would completely put me off. Do you not have gardens or pavements that you can use? It’s almost as though you want to make life difficult for people.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 21/02/2023 14:50

*couldn’t leave

thing47 · 21/02/2023 14:50

It's really not rude to ignore a piece of unsolicited mail OP.

I don't respond to those flyers offering to re-pave my drive or clean my gutters either – unless I actually want my drive re-paved or my gutters cleaned, of course.

Wheelz46 · 21/02/2023 14:51

Will the road still be accessible for the residents? Like those who still need to work or if emergency services need to get down?

I always reply to invites but not sure I would on this occasion 😬

I wouldn't personally make a song and dance about what others on the street wanted to do but it would concern me if the roads were going to be closed off.

Original poster
Geminijust · 21/02/2023 14:52

Good point that, if anyone had issue with the road closure, they would've spoken up by now. Council made very clear we had to consult with neighbours to ensure they were aware, so now they are! Fwiw I'm not a royalist either, just like any excuse for a party! I'll suggest to neighbour we go ahead with those who are interested and post note detailing the arrangements through all doors nearer the time so they can choose to join in or not!

Thanks for the replies, puts it into perspective. I'm someone who always responds to things so find it odd when people don't!

OP posts:
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 21/02/2023 14:52

They may not be interested
They may be shielding or avoiding crowds
They may be going to a different party
They may be going away for the long weekend
They may not like parties
They may want to keep their options open

SallyWD · 21/02/2023 14:53

I'd say 17 is a really good response rate! To be honest I'd only expect a few to respond. It seems a shame to cancel. Why would you? Even if it's only 17 households that's a pretty good party - I bet others will show up anyway.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 21/02/2023 14:53

They may be working

downtonupton · 21/02/2023 14:54

you got more responses than we did when we did one - we still closed the road off and had the lunch - more people came out and joined in than were interested in flyers or getting involved with planning and organising.

You did well to get 17 people to show interest

I am not interested in the Royal Family so will not be starting the ball rolling this year but if someone else does we wouldn't object to the road being closed or anything. We may even go out and join in without actually waving any flags

octoberair · 21/02/2023 14:54

I wouldn't care if others on the street wanted to gather (though I'd prefer if they didn't shut down my ability to use the street, which is just wrong, imo), but I'd be annoyed by the expectation that I answer to the initial query. People have busy lives and a million other things they'd rather be doing. Some of them become anxious about things like this and don't want to come off as unfriendly, yet have zero interest in participating. It can put them into an awkward position. If they aren't interested, a lack of response is your answer. There's no need to reply, really.

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 21/02/2023 14:55

My neighbours do this regularly. They let people know, so that they can then get the permission by telling the council no one objected. Basically its a clique of around 6 households who bully everyone else, they have a closed facebook/whatsapp group and talk about how brilliant they are for organising a drinking party for their friends (they invite people from far and wide and sell tickets). Anyone who objects will be sent to Coventry. The disco starts around noon and goes on till 9 or later - its intense noise that you can't get away from in any part of the house or garden, your car is blocked in if you don't get up early to move it and if you want to go out to get into your car or walk the dog, you have to walk the gauntlet of cat calls and jeers from the clique and their mates who are off their face by lunchtime. Oh and they collect money for it and woe betide anyone who doesn't put their hand in their pocket. When notes through the door don't work they come round and doorstep people.

Its a "nice" middle class village and anyone who objects is a "spoilsport". OP you are not doing anyone a favour, you are doing what you want.

Guavafish1 · 21/02/2023 14:55

I would knock-on neighbours doors for response

Cas112 · 21/02/2023 14:55

If people don't want to respond they don't have too. How is that rude, people like a quiet private life sometimes

lanthanum · 21/02/2023 14:55

I agree that that's a fairly decent response. By the time you take out those who were thinking they'd grab a long weekend away, it might well be half. Nobody's raised any objections, and I would imagine you'll be able to organise access for anybody who does turn out to need it nearer the time - it might just be a question of suggesting they move the car to the right end before you start setting up.

Some of the non-respondents won't have decided what they're doing yet, some will just be disorganised about replies, some will be taking a wait-and-see attitude, and will be happy to join in if it happens. Some might want to know what else is happening locally before committing - I think our village will have a big picnic centrally, and if so I'd regret committing to a street-based thing. Some might have been worried that too much enthusiasm would land them with having to do things they don't have time for.

Lostinadream24 · 21/02/2023 14:55

I'd be happy with that response.
Not everyone enjoys big get togethers.

I would really struggle to respond to that due to my agoraphobia. I'd even struggle to approach you with a reply if I'm honest, so you'd definitely think I was rude.

xogossipgirlxo · 21/02/2023 14:56

You can still have a nice party with 17 people, just saying. Others might join, but there won't be any seating and they should bring food/drinks.

lieselotte · 21/02/2023 14:58

PatriciaHolm · 21/02/2023 14:01

AIBU to think it's really disappointing and actually rather rude :-(

I suspect what the others have to say would be ruder than not replying, so they didn't ;-)

All I can say is Charles better survive a decent length of time. Street parties are so annoying. It's not the 1940s anymore.

And it's not rude not to want to join in "forced fun". I bet they are all sighing because now they'll have to go out/go away for the weekend because you'll want to close the road. If you want a party, why not do it in your garden?

LakieLady · 21/02/2023 14:58

Hadjab · 21/02/2023 14:02

This may come as a shock, but a lot of people actually don’t give a toss about the Royal Family, and aren’t interested in street parties. Yes, it would have been nice for them to respond, but it’s probably not made their everyday to-do list.

Quite.

A street party to celebrate a new monarch is my idea of hell.

A street party to celebrate the start of the UK becoming a republic would get my vote though.