Ex says I'm not entitled to child maintenance

[daisy7895]

I'm a single mum to a 7 month old baby who I share with my very unreasonable ex. He has made my life hell since she's was born, and this is just one of the latest dramas.

I own my own home, however, due to the cost of living crisis, my rubbish maternity pay, and receiving no maintenance from my ex, my lovely parents offered to allow me and DD to temporarily move back in to their house for the duration of my maternity leave. This has made things so much easier for me as, although I'm still paying my mortgage and some other bills, I've been able to save money as I'm not paying heating/shopping bills (just want to add that I contribute to the household in other ways such as cooking, cleaning etc.)

Anyway, ex has used this situation to say that he doesn't need to pay maintenance as I'm currently living with my parents and therefore "don't need" any money. He actually said he doesn't need to pay anything! Every now and again, he will ask what she needs and will turn up with nappies and wipes and says that this is his maintenance. I've told him that this is not how maintenance works and have told him I will be putting a CMS claim in. Now I'm receiving abuse from his family calling me evil and saying I'm money grabbing.

Am I missing something here? He's making me feel like I'm unreasonable for asking him to pay for his own child!

@taxpayer1 are you implying I don't have a decent job? I earn more than average and am in a professional career. That is not the issue here. The issue is my daughters dad not paying for his child.

All a man has to do is not put his sperm into her vagina, it’s not rock science. Abortion isn’t a get out of jail free card for men, nor is it something that women should be forced to do because a man has been irresponsible with his sperm. Men aren’t children FFS, they are just as accountable as women.

All a man has to do is not put his sperm into her vagina, it’s not rock science.

Gynogeology? 😂

(Sorry - just glad to know that I am not the only victim of autocarrot)

It’s not women abandoning their children and not financially supporting them in huge numbers, is it?

😂 it’s probably not as complicated as ‘rock science’ either!

Put in the claim.

Block his horrible family.

You have nothing to lose here.

Do you have a solicitor?

Were you and ex married?
Is his name on the baby's birth cert?
Was contact court ordered or an informal arrangement?

What OP earns is irrelevant here. She could have a seven figure salary and her child’s father would still be legally and morally obliged to pay towards their upkeep.

As a colleague of mine once very elegantly put it - if he can put his dick in he can get his wallet out. The money is for your child so absolutely you should be claiming it.

Definitely don't entertain him anymore and put the claim in to CMS.
As a PP suggested, block him and his family on everything, then get a cheap pay as you go phone for him to contact you as and when you turn it on.
Be warned though, if he's known to job skip (like my ex) you'll probably never get a penny - if he doesn't voluntarily pay the amount they tell him to, CMS have to lock in a deduction of earnings order for it to be taken out of his wage automatically. The whole process takes 3 months to set up and if he quits his job they have to track him down again via HMRC and go through another 3 months of setting up the deduction of earnings order. Basically if he changes jobs every few months youll probably never get a penny. My ex owes thousands because he quits his job everytime the DEO is set up. It stinks.

Reading is also not rocket science, if you read OP's posts, she is the one providing for the baby.

It's not his decision. He has no right to dictate to you. Vent away, but make sure you get your claim in to CMS.

Why haven’t you put in a claim already? That money is for the child and belongs to your child, you are doing him/her a disservice by not setting appropriate boundaries and allowing other people to have a say in something that is not their business.

What a prince, he doesn’t have to pay as the grandparents can. On that basis ask for cms from the other grandparents too. Because a child needs food, nappies, clothes and the magic money tree is currently out of stock

Put the cms claim in today. You'll be entitled to money wherever you live and whoever you live with. He's financially abusing you and needs to be stopped

We could fully support DD when she was born and there were 2 wages coming in......got a bit tricky when he left and it was just my wage to support her and me. TBF though, my crystal ball was broken and I had no idea of knowing he would bugger of when DD was 7.

CMS will put him right :)

Yanbu at all

I know you said just a rant, but definitely don’t be deterred by him.

Block his family also.

Does he think you’ve given up your own space and living in your own home to save him money? No you’ve don’t it to benefit yourself. As it should be. His maintenance should be a given - for you to manage as you see fit. He should want to support his child properly.

Your situation has nothing to do with the fact he is the parent and therefore he pays maintenance. You could live in a castle and he'd still have to pay his fair share. Just go through CMS as he will be like this until you're shot of him in 18 years time (I speak from experience!).

Absolutely please use CMS I did and they were quite helpful. It is useful in terms of calculations and having a paper trail. It was a relief to have an offical third party involved due to him financially abusing me. Every month prior he wouldn't pay unless I repeatedly begged for money. It was so stressful for me and my children being at his mercy. Years later he decided he was paying too much so went on benefits instead, told me himself. I am on a collect and pay method but if he ever gets a proper job again I will know. Before I put a claim in he also lied about how much he was earning and underpaid.

You've already said you are going to contact CMS so that's good.
I also advise you to block all his family, it's got fuck all to do with them.
Lastly have you checked whether you're entitled to Universal Credit? On maternity pay with a child, you're likely to be eligible for some. Although you won't get help with your mortgage costs.

Thanks everyone. I gave CMS a call today. Hopefully things will get sorted soon.

He is a prick.

Block the family, limit discussion with him to practicalities about the baby, put in the claim and live your life.

If all new humans were born into stable, time-tested relationships between two solvent, working adults who both enthusiastically planned, saved and prepared for parenthood, our species would be so, so much better off.

Both my parents (who are now in their 80s) were brought up in poverty by single mums. Both are excellent people, who have made the world better, raised money for charities, raised two children who both do jobs which improve the world and have given more than they've taken.

I'm fairly sure they are better humans than PP is.