Ex says I'm not entitled to child maintenance

[daisy7895]

I'm a single mum to a 7 month old baby who I share with my very unreasonable ex. He has made my life hell since she's was born, and this is just one of the latest dramas.

I own my own home, however, due to the cost of living crisis, my rubbish maternity pay, and receiving no maintenance from my ex, my lovely parents offered to allow me and DD to temporarily move back in to their house for the duration of my maternity leave. This has made things so much easier for me as, although I'm still paying my mortgage and some other bills, I've been able to save money as I'm not paying heating/shopping bills (just want to add that I contribute to the household in other ways such as cooking, cleaning etc.)

Anyway, ex has used this situation to say that he doesn't need to pay maintenance as I'm currently living with my parents and therefore "don't need" any money. He actually said he doesn't need to pay anything! Every now and again, he will ask what she needs and will turn up with nappies and wipes and says that this is his maintenance. I've told him that this is not how maintenance works and have told him I will be putting a CMS claim in. Now I'm receiving abuse from his family calling me evil and saying I'm money grabbing.

Am I missing something here? He's making me feel like I'm unreasonable for asking him to pay for his own child!

Don’t be bullied, just make the claim. He can feed them as much rubbish info as he wants, regardless of what you do so it’s best to set the ball rolling officially.

You have a long road ahead of you, parenting with a scumbag, so you need to formalise everything. Mediation or court ordered contact, he should only be able to contact you by email or text-his musings and rants can be permanently recorded. And there’s no need for his relatives to have any contact with you whatsoever. All these things are within your control. CMS will calculate how much he pays for the child he chose to make.

You rant away op then put your cms claim in, your ex is an arsehole

Of course you’re not being unreasonable, I’d just put in a claim and stop talking to him about finances when he clearly won’t contribute fairly without being forced.

Also block all of his families on phone/social media. Can’t get frustrated with it if they can’t contact you

He is the one being very unreasonable here. How much he needs to pay for his DD maintenance depends on his earnings not where you are living. You have great parents who are helping you out but really you need to get that CMS claim in immediately. It will be backdated to date you apply. They will decide how much your ex has to pay.

He is being a twat. CMS claim now!

You do not need to speak to him abut anything but your child.

Put the claim through and disengage.

And OF COURSE you're entitled to maintenance. He's just being a dick.

Of course you put the claim in. Your child is entitled to her father meeting his responsibilities.

What type of man looks to deprive his own daughter as some sort of punishment or grudge against her mother? He is despicable.

where you live is irrelevant how much earn is irrelevant-the only thing is does he have your dc at all and is he self emplyed

why has it taken you 7 months or have you just split up

This man is clearly a dick. Ignore his family as they are too. I have no idea about CM but I do know the dick has got things upside down: you are currently living with your parents because you need money, not because you don't.

Good luck.

God, he’s a dick.

It wouldn’t matter if you were living on a luxury yacht with a troupe of nannies and servants, he still needs to contribute to his child.

In regards to his family I highly suspect he is telling them that he is putting his hand in his pocket a lot more than he actually is. Hence the abuse. Unacceptable though! Hope you get the situation sorted soon x

I used to work for CMS and would get 10 calls a day from mums with stories exactly like this. My answer always was" It wouldnt matter if you were the Queen and he was a road sweeper. His financial obligation is to his child, not you, so your circumstances are irrelevant"

Put the CMS claim in, and block him and his family, you don't need this stress.

Does he want the child 50/50 in terms of custody?

Both parents should be financially contributing towards their children. Both parents should be directly involved in raising their children.

CMS is for the child.

of course you are entitled to CM. he can't use the fact that you're managing to survive without it as a reason not to support his child. living with your parents isn't sustainable long term and you need the cm to provide his child with a proper home. he can only argue against having to pay cm if he is taking responsibility for looking after DC for large enough chunks of time that you can earn a decent amount of money.

Just go straight to CMS don't bother to talk to him, he is a dick.

I'm guessing this might have something to do with why he's an ex.

YANBU, put in a CMS claim, and if his family keep giving you shit, tell them once that if he would do the responsible thing himself, you wouldn't have to get CMS involved. Then block them. Don't even wait for a reply.

Or don't message them at all, block them, and spend that time with your baby.

He's a dick btw.

Yanbu.

Too many men think their contribution is an optional top up to be given only if needed.

You don't neeeed the money.

Fuck off.

Go through CMS and let them moan.

In fact, tell them you think it is disgusting that a father would believe he doesn't have equal responsibility to feed and clothe his child and that you prefer the security of a set amount of money over him deciding what items he will and will not contribute and using that to control you.

The only unreasonable thing is that you’ve waited 7 months and had to move in with your parents and still haven’t done it. It’s the babies money, so get on with it and do it today.

Why haven't you already opened the claim?
You're on maternity leave so you're not at work right now. They're open. Call them now. They wont backdate.

Why have you allowed him to play this game? People can only play games like this when you allow them. You've let him use you, take advantage and refuse to contribute. Why? Do you want him back?

Ignore his drama. Dont engage. Dont talk to him about money. Just tell him to discuss with CMS whenever he brings it up once you have opened the claim, which you can do right now.

Put in your CMS claim. He can explain to them how he knows the rules better than they do.

Stop allowing him to turn up. Bearing gifts of nappies, wipes, or even frankincence & myrrh. He is only doing it to control & manipulate you. Have one of your parents answer the door & tell him he is not welcome - once.
If he turns up again, don't even answer the door to him. If he persists, call the cops, who can tell him to sling his hook & explain what will happen to him if he does not.

Block his stupid family. They can't harass you if they can't reach you. Why are you engaging with any of their nonsense? They can slag you off to their hearts content - to each other. You need know nothing about it, or them, or him.

No more contact with him whatsoever.
Just go through the CMS.
If he wants contact, he can hire a lawyer & ask the court to adjudicate (my betting is he won't bother).

You need to stop responding to him at all. He's only persisting for the drama. Stop giving him any.

& congratulations on your baby. I'm glad your parents have your back, & sorry this arse has been giving you a hard time.

Put proper claim in. Don’t engage.
He and his family should be embarrassed he’s not paying for his child - it’s child neglect.
He should be embarrassed you are having to rely on your family stepping up.

It's HIS baby, why should your parents provide? They're decent people and doing out out of love for you, but the one who should be providing for that child is the parents who created it 50-50 You're doing your share and he needs to step in 50%. Put that claim asap.