SIL opened and in charge of a savings account for DD but we already have one for her…

[Gem123J]

This actually happened a few years ago but we brushed it aside and forgot about it, and it’s been brought up recently by SIL.

So a few years back one Christmas SIL gifted our DD a piggy bank and details of a savings account with a building society and fair play had put £50 in it too. Lovely. MIL said something along the lines of SIL wanted to make sure our DD would have some money when she’s older so opened this account for us. Only issue is that of course we were thinking the same for DD and opened one pretty soon after her birth to put all the money she received in after she was born (and for every birthday’s and Christmas going forward). DH and I decided we would carry on with our savings for her (as it was easy to deposit as it was the same bank, could tranfer money from an app on our phones etc as sometimes my parents send the money to my bank and I transfer). But the BS (building society not the other BS!) one SIL opened you had to go into the branch. And to be honest we weren’t too comfortable putting all of DD’s money into an account that we would have to have SIL with us to withdraw money until DD is 16 (although we have no intentions of taking her money out, unless it’s to put it in a better account).

Anyway, we completely forgot about this account as we carried on putting money in the one we’ve opened for her and we said SIL could continue to put birthday/Christmas money in the account she’s opened but SIL puts cash in cards and we just deposit it along with the rest of the cash DD receives.

It was brought up recently to DH about why we weren’t putting money in that account and DH said something about how difficult it would be with having SIL having to be present to which she has said that she only has to be there to withdraw, not to deposit.
AIBU to be a bit p’d off that DH and I weren’t expected to be sensible an open a savings account for our own DC and that SIL effectively has control over a savings account for her?

[Bramshott]

It's quite sweet that your SIL wanted to save for your DD, but in that case she needs to be putting the birthday & christmas money from her into "her" account for DD. My grandmother did something similar for me when I was a child - paid in bits and pieces every week to a post office account and gave me the money when I was 18.

[MrsBunnyEars]

Is there a reason you think that SIL didn’t expect you to open your own savings account? If there’s no backstory, it sounds like she’s done a nice thing, just one that might involve admin far in the future.

It’s totally appropriate that you have your own account for DD (again, assuming there’s no relevant backstory). But I can’t see a problem with her having one from her aunt too.

[RagamuffinCat]

Is the account in your daughter's name? I'm surprised you can open an account for someone who isn't your own child, don't you need the birth certificate?

[stripedsox]

May be I'm missing the point but sil is looking after the account she opened for your dd and you have opened an account with dh for your dd. You put money in dd's account and sil can put money in 'her' account for dd.
What's the problem? Dd will hopefully have two accounts when she's 16 and she can combine money into a brand new account if she wanted.

[Fakecrazy]

Yes absolutely ridiculous! Of course you have your own account for your own child! She's welcome to do what she wants with hers, and it's obviously very generous of her.

[teezletangler]

Clearly her heart's in the right place but it's a little weird to open a savings account without checking that the parents haven't already opened one.

Also, am I to understand that she has never added more than £50 to it? So the "gift" was essentially the opening of an account, which she sort of has control over? That's not actually a gift, is it? Given she's opened it, I'd assume she'd be adding to over the years.

Does DSIL know that you already have an account for DD?

[Cocolapew]

SIL expects you to put your money in the account that she has control over, is that right?

[teezletangler]

Ok I've read back and now I understand. I'd find out what she wants- does she want you to deposit all her monetary gifts into her account? For the sake of an easy life I'd do that, but there is no point in having two savings account, it's silly.

[FlowerArranger]

Just tell them that you are putting it into a Junior ISA for her.

Which would make sense, anyway - particularly an equity based ISA, as the return by the time she turns 18 is likely to be significantly greater.

[Homemadearmy]

I'm surprised she was able to open a account behind your backs too. When I opened account for my children I had to provide birth certificates and id

[HelloBunny]

Why does she then gift cash in a card? Couldn’t she just put the money straight into her account?

[DancingDaughter50]

Is the crux here, why arnt you putting her cash gifts into her opened account??

Anyway I agree with flower equity / ie stocks and shares based isa will give better returns.

I would have 3 going, how old is the child and how much money?

I would keep a few 100 in your account then divide the rest into cash isa xpremium bonds and stocks and shares isa.

Let sil do what she wants with that account.

[DancingDaughter50]

Yes it's a nice gesture of sil but it also depends on the background and context...

[AngelsWithSilverWings]

My Mum did the same but she used it purely so she could save a regular monthly amount for each of my DC.

We opened a separate one and used that to pay regular savings into. Birthday money from relatives went into a third savings account so they could buy things throughout the year as and when they wanted to.

It was a bit of a pain for my mum as she had to keep asking us for the DC's passports and other documents every time she changed the account over to get a better interest rate.

If your SIL wanted to set up an account for her niece then that's fine but she can't expected you to only use that account too - that's over stepping somewhat!

[BurntOutGirl]

Err no. I would not allow someone to have my/DC money in an account that l do not have access to. There is nothing stopping SIL from taking that money and keeping it for herself.

My parents opened up accounts for both my DC when they were born... with my permission.... and put their own savings in and money they would have gifted in cash for birthdays etc . But none of mine/DC goes in there

[strawberry2017]

I'm confused, what's the actual issue?

[backawayfatty1]

Unless the account is an ISA then it is the adults money set aside for the child (even with child saver type account) so no I wouldn't be happy depositing all my child's money into their aunties account

[bingoitsadingo]

I think that's weird and overstepping tbh.

Maybe it's just about ok for her to open an account that she pays into (although far more normal to pay into an account the parents have control over) but to have any kind of opinion that you should be saving into that instead of your own account for your DD is very weird.

[MrsCarson]

Sounds like a faff. If SIL wants to put money in the account she opened let her. When they ask why you aren't putting money in it tell them. You opened one at her birth and you put all her money to that one.

[Butchyrestingface]

AIBU to be a bit p’d off that DH and I weren’t expected to be sensible an open a savings account for our own DC and that SIL effectively has control over a savings account for her?

I'd be more concerned that (presumably?) your SiL has raised the topic of why you and your husband aren't depositing money into an account she has sole control over.

[TomatoSandwiches]

I think it's a bit odd for a SIL to open up an account, usually grandparents do so in my experience but it's fine to do so.

What isn't OK is for her to open it thinking ALL monies will go into that one account for her to control.
Is that what she is questioning?
She can put what she wants in there but not expect others to deposit into it.

[EyesOnThePies]

Suggest that SIL transfers ££ into the account that she opened rather than putting cash in a card which if she wants it to go into ‘her’ account you have to traipse off to the branch with.

Carry on putting savings from you and other relatives into the account you opened, so that you can move it around conveniently to get the best deals etc.

[frazzledasarock]

I wouldn’t be putting money into an account someone else had complete control over either.

your SIL can put money in it if she wants, you don’t have to.

[ImAvingOops]

My fil opened an account for DS but when he was skint he spent the money. I know he intended to put it back but then he died. Which is why parents should be in control of the accounts opened for their children. You never know how the future will pan out, families fall out - your child's money should be where the child can access it when the time comes!

The issue here seems to be that the in-laws think their family (via sil) should have control over the money you want to put aside for your child. And I'm saying you want your own it's like implying you don't trust sil?
Just say you want to be able to access the money you are saving without needing a third party present. It's really nothing to do with them - nothing to stop them adding to sil's account if they feel strongly about it.

[WonderingWanda]

Did you not just reply, oh well we already had one for her and then ask how on earth do you know that we aren't using it? And then Why on earth would you set up an account for someone else where you still receive the bank statements?