SIL opened and in charge of a savings account for DD but we already have one for her…

[Gem123J]

This actually happened a few years ago but we brushed it aside and forgot about it, and it’s been brought up recently by SIL.

So a few years back one Christmas SIL gifted our DD a piggy bank and details of a savings account with a building society and fair play had put £50 in it too. Lovely. MIL said something along the lines of SIL wanted to make sure our DD would have some money when she’s older so opened this account for us. Only issue is that of course we were thinking the same for DD and opened one pretty soon after her birth to put all the money she received in after she was born (and for every birthday’s and Christmas going forward). DH and I decided we would carry on with our savings for her (as it was easy to deposit as it was the same bank, could tranfer money from an app on our phones etc as sometimes my parents send the money to my bank and I transfer). But the BS (building society not the other BS!) one SIL opened you had to go into the branch. And to be honest we weren’t too comfortable putting all of DD’s money into an account that we would have to have SIL with us to withdraw money until DD is 16 (although we have no intentions of taking her money out, unless it’s to put it in a better account).

Anyway, we completely forgot about this account as we carried on putting money in the one we’ve opened for her and we said SIL could continue to put birthday/Christmas money in the account she’s opened but SIL puts cash in cards and we just deposit it along with the rest of the cash DD receives.

It was brought up recently to DH about why we weren’t putting money in that account and DH said something about how difficult it would be with having SIL having to be present to which she has said that she only has to be there to withdraw, not to deposit.
AIBU to be a bit p’d off that DH and I weren’t expected to be sensible an open a savings account for our own DC and that SIL effectively has control over a savings account for her?

My mil has opened up an account for my two children she knows we have children’s isa’s set up for them. She told my DH she’s opened them up in their names. She is a liar - you are not allowed to open up an isa in the child’s name unless you are their legal parent or guardian. If my mum and dad want to give a cash gift for the children’s future they will give the money to us and we pay it into the children’s accounts. I think her setting up this account/ s is just weird.

This is weird. I think you as parents should be the guardians of her bank account, not her aunt. The one you opened should be the main one. SIL should just transfer the money from the account that she opened to the account you opened.

It’s not just BC though, you need proof of address and all sorts. Surely dh would remember having to get all that together?

plus the address the child lives at would be the registered address where all the correspondence is sent to?

it’s very unusual for a bank to allow a non parent to open an account for a child.

I’d be questioning if it is in your DD’s name. Have you seen any documentation? All dc’s account correspondence are sent to them directly, c/o me.

Sil - of course we are not adding DD’s money to an account that we don’t have control over.
it is nice that you opened this for her to deposit your birthday and Christmas money into, but of course everything else goes into the account that we control - how else would we have oversight?

Of course youre not being unreasonable not depositing other money into an account you have no control over.

I've heard of these type of accounts controlled by other family members... Where theyre used if the relative is 'short' one month... /been taken as marital assets 🤔 in a difficult dkvorce between uncle and aunt etc etc.

Id ask hee to close the account and transfer the 50£ to 'your:account...
As you're opening a stocks and shares isa for her... (Aren't you 😁)

My mum opened a bank account for all my kids. It’s fine because I know she pays in regularly and it’s a nice little pot accruing for them which I tend to forget about. However, my mil just pays in money each month to the accounts we set up. It’s what they’re comfortable with.

I wouldn’t be happy putting all our savings in my mum’s accounts, but especially if she was insisting that we did so, that would ring major alarm bells.

Say no.
There's no earthly reason why she needs to manage your daughter's money unless she's looking to dip her fingers in.

No thanks. We've got an account for her. We'll carry on as we are.

It's sweet she did it but the only money that should be going in it is money your SIL puts in, why on earth would you as parents put money into an account for your daughter controlled by someone else. It's just wierd!

I think it depends a lot on the family dynamics.

My in-laws very manipulative are always overstepping boundaries so I would be saying thanks but no thanks to the account as it would absolutely be a way to remain in control.

However my mum opened an account as a surprise for my ds and had put £10 a week in for life and gifted it to him on his 18th which was a lovely gesture and really helped him get a start in life which was the only intention.
She knew we had opened one but this was her gift.

She should have gifted the account book with the £50 to your daughter.
You would manage it of course whilst she is young. Who owns the account? Have you seen any details about it at all ? I would expect to have the book really. That was the present. From what you say there is just £50 in it still.

But it is a financial document with your daughters details on. I would want to have the book.

Does she actually not trust you, or is she just a bit miffed that her gift wasn’t the brilliant long term benefit for DD that she was hoping it would be? And just a bit foolishly, probably unthinkingly, but not badly intentioned, wallowing in that a bit by mentioning it? Then when your DH comes out with a bit of bullshit excuse (because it’s pretty rare to have an account that needs particular people there to deposit) she doubled down as embarrassed?

Unless there is history of SiL treating you and her brother as though you are incompetent, this would seem to me like she’s just not really thought it all through, maybe been day creaming a bit about how when DD is 16 she’s going to have this account that SiL started that’s going to have lots fo money in and it’s going to pay for driving lessons or trip abroad with friends or something and be the start of a lifetime of good savings habits, all because of her. And now she’s having a hard time adjusting to reality which is that lots of parents set up savings accounts for their kids and it’s not a particularly original, far sighted gift that’s going to change DD’s life…. (I may have overplayed that a little! But hopefully you get the drift).

Understood. But we were asked why we weren’t putting money into the account she opened. That account only has £50 plus the little interest it has gained over 3 years or so.

Good one. Didn’t think of that. I can’t see DH handing out any legal documents for proof of our address and we don’t actively get any correspondence to our address. We’ve recently moved too so I did question him how should we change the address on the account when we’re not responsible, but maybe it was never registered to our (DD) address!

Weird.

I suspect its in her name?

Op you should put 50 into an index fund stocks and shares isa and see how much its worth compared to the 50 in sils.

It's very odd and I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about it.

SIL must be getting the correspondence, otherwise how would she know that you’re not depositing money in it?

It sounds completely mental to me. Of course you’re going to use your own savings accounts that you have access too. It’s completely none of their business.

I highly doubt there is any bad intention to her opening the account. She would never betray us in any way. But I think you’ve hit the nail on the head that I think her intention was that she’s done this wonderful thing (which it is, but we already did the same, of course!), by opening this account and she’s been able to have all this money thanks to her, although of course the money put in wasn’t all from her, but she started the possibility of saving money for DD.

I’m p’d off because I do feel like DH and I were assumed as not responsible enough to have thought to open a savings for our own DD, even though we’re both in good jobs and are in our 30’s, not saying anyone younger or not in a good paying job isn’t responsible of course.

It was brought up recently to DH about why we weren’t putting money in that account and DH said something about how difficult it would be with having SIL having to be present to which she has said that she only has to be there to withdraw, not to deposit.

Why didn’t you say that you’d already opened an account for her?

This.

Is it possible it's not in your child's name at all? Legally it would then still be SIL's money?

OR if it is in child's name but not under your control i would be worried about tax dodging. Your SIL could be storing money there without you knowing.

I'd be VERY worried about a husband who hands out our child's birth certificate without knowing what it's for, and then "forgetting". All sounds either a bit stupid or a bit dodgy.

My IL set up an account for each child in their name and regularly deposit money in it - or tell us they do - DH had to sign some form for them to do so. Since DD1 turned 16 they keep asking when they should give it to her - DD1 and us have suggest next birthday as she'll be 18 and hopefully off to Uni.

We have kids isa - with gov money and monthly min deposit and savings in DH name ear marked as pots for each of them.

I doubt it will last beyond first or second university year TBH - but it's a nice thing IL have done and adds to little we manged to save for them.

They also gift money for the kids now they are teens for birthdays/Christmas - and expect them to do what they want with it ie spend or sav in their own accounts.

Us putting it into the kids saving accounts they control would be odd - so I find that request a tad odd.

You keep saying that this is an indicator she thinks you are not "responsible enough" to open a savings account for your DD.

Not opening a savings account for a child isn't irresponsible. And unless there's more to it, you are projecting. Just say oh but we've got a good nest egg in the account we opened for her, and it's much easier for us to pay into, so we'll keep using that one, thanks for being so thoughtful. And repeat if necessary.

Saving for Grandchildren in UK

how much can I save tax-free for my grandchildren?
Children can receive as much as £18,570 from savings without paying any taxes, and just like adults, they are also entitled to a tax-free personal allowance of £12,570 (2022/23 tax year). One thing to be mindful of is the £100 rule for parents: if the child’s savings generate more than £100 in interest per year, they are taxed at the parent’s tax rate.
What documentation is required to open savings accounts for my grandchildren?
If you’re planning on opening a grandchild savings account, you can typically open one in the child’s name if you have the necessary documentation (except for Junior ISAs). In most cases, you may only need the child’s birth certificate to open a savings account for your grandchild. This will depend on the financial provider, so it’s always best to check the details.

All I remember is DH having to sign a form - I think they've managed about £3000 - what other information I don't remember but they did it for all three children.

You haven't said whether you told her, at any point, that your daughter already has a savings account that preceded the SIL's and that you have always and continued to deposit money into.

Surely that just ends the conversation?

Also, then your angst that she's 'assuming you aren't responsible enough to do this' can disappear as she knows that's not true.

Some weird responses here and Mis quoted facts.

Her heart will have been in the right place and probably didn't think to ask if you already had a bank account opened.

I opened an account for my nephew (did not need birth certificate) and regularly saved money in it. When he was 14 I transferred the "ownership" to his mum.

My mum recently found a bank book my aunt opened for me when I was 1 and we forgot all about it. 45 years later I'm about to contact them to see if it's still active and if I'm rich

I don't think it's really that they think you're not responsible enough to look after your own child's money. That's just the basis of the guilt-trip to give control of her money to them. Expecting you to make physical trips there to deposit money just doesn't make any sense. Expecting you to deposit your child's money into an account controlled by your SIL, who could withdraw the money at any time for her own use, doesn't make sense. Unless there is some key information you aren't disclosing here (which is your right) any reasonable person can see that what they are expecting you to do doesn't make any sense.

I don't know what their motivation is. Maybe it's that your DH has always been the "disorganised one" (could be, if he doesn't remember what he did 5 minutes ago) and your SIL the "organised one" and she wants to keep her crown. Could be that his family wants to have you or him or your dd under their control. Could be that they don't "see" boundaries like recognising your dd's money is your dd's money and not money that belongs to the extended family. It doesn't matter. What they are asking you to do, is not in the best interests of your dd, for a variety of reasons and fortunately you are a smart enough mother to see that.

Th is would annoy me too. However when I opened a saver account for my DS I could do it through my phone/online without having to go in to a branch so she may not have needed to take any documents anywhere.