Page 5 | SIL opened and in charge of a savings account for DD but we already have one for her…

Gem123J · 2023-02-20T16:59:59+00:00

This actually happened a few years ago but we brushed it aside and forgot about it, and it’s been brought up recently by SIL. So a few years back one Christmas SIL gifted our DD a piggy bank and details of a savings account with a building society and fair play had put £50 in it too. Lovely. MIL said something along the lines of SIL wanted to make sure our DD would have some money when she’s older so opened this account for us. Only issue is that of course we were thinking the same for DD and opened one pretty soon after her birth to put all the money she received in after she was born (and for every birthday’s and Christmas going forward). DH and I decided we would carry on with our savings for her (as it was easy to deposit as it was the same bank, could tranfer money from an app on our phones etc as sometimes my parents send the money to my bank and I transfer). But the BS (building society not the other BS!) one SIL opened you had to go into the branch. And to be honest we weren’t too comfortable putting all of DD’s money into an account that we would have to have SIL with us to withdraw money until DD is 16 (although we have no intentions of taking her money out, unless it’s to put it in a better account). Anyway, we completely forgot about this account as we carried on putting money in the one we’ve opened for her and we said SIL could continue to put birthday/Christmas money in the account she’s opened but SIL puts cash in cards and we just deposit it along with the rest of the cash DD receives. It was brought up recently to DH about why we weren’t putting money in that account and DH said something about how difficult it would be with having SIL having to be present to which she has said that she only has to be there to withdraw, not to deposit. AIBU to be a bit p’d off that DH and I weren’t expected to be sensible an open a savings account for our own DC and that SIL effectively has control over a savings account for her?

ThomasinaLivesHere · 20/02/2023 20:26

It is a bit strange she thought she was giving you some unique gift by opening an account and also that she doesn’t deposit her money there. I’d just keep saying it’s easier to deposit with your bank and so your just going to stick with the account you already had for your child.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 20/02/2023 20:28

I’d find it odd to have access to and view the balance of a child’s account who wasn’t my own.

custardbear · 20/02/2023 20:30

Controlling and a bit strange!
Is she to be trusted?!

Original poster

Gem123J · 20/02/2023 20:32

RosaBonheur · 20/02/2023 20:08

I can't believe there is any such thing as a bank or building society account that you have to physically go into a branch to pay money into these days. Surely anyone with the account number and sort code can just do a bank transfer to put money in the account?

If it's genuinely the case that you have to go into the branch to deposit cash - which I seriously doubt - what's to stop your SIL from going there herself to deposit money for your DD rather than sending you £20 in the post and expecting you to do it?

It's all very odd.

There's nothing wrong with her opening an account for the benefit of her niece, although I would question why it is necessary when the niece already has a bank account. But if she wants money that she gives her niece to be paid into that account, she needs to pay it in herself.

Unfortunately it is true that you have to go into the branch, or post with some, to deposit money. I was actually looking at different banks / BS’s interest rates last night and there are many BS’s where you can only deposit in branch. That’s why we’ve never deposited the money SIL gives into that account because it’s just a lot of hassle when we can easily deposit it with the rest of the birthday money into the account we’re in charge of. Or if DD only receives a small amount we tend to keep the cash and transfer over the amount from our account to her savings as we can easily do it on our banking app.

OP posts:

lopsees · 20/02/2023 20:33

I opened accounts for my nieces.

Their parents also opened accounts for them.

Their dad needed money and took money out of the accounts he had control of

At least they got the money I had saved for them!

No reason why they can't have more than one account.

Original poster

Gem123J · 20/02/2023 20:38

custardbear · 20/02/2023 20:30

Controlling and a bit strange!
Is she to be trusted?!

She is to be trusted but IMO it seems a bit controlling but that’s definitely my opinion. Intentions were definitely good but I just don’t understand why she would assume we wouldn't open our own account for our own DC. And I’m happy for her to deposit money she is gifting for every birthday into the account she’s in control of but it seems she’s expecting us to do that but it’s so much easier for us to deposit into the account we’re in control of so that’s what we do.

I think what I will do is ask her if she wants to deposit the money she is gifting into that account rather than giving it in a card, or ask if we can take it out (with her present because we can’t otherwise), so we can add it into either the account we’re in charge of or we were actually considering taking some money out of DC’s savings to a stocks and shares isa so we could say we want to add it onto that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Gem123J · 20/02/2023 20:40

lopsees · 20/02/2023 20:33

I opened accounts for my nieces.

Their parents also opened accounts for them.

Their dad needed money and took money out of the accounts he had control of

At least they got the money I had saved for them!

No reason why they can't have more than one account.

No not at all. But as it stands there has only been £50 in it since it was opened plus whatever interest it has gained in a few years (probably not much!). I wouldn’t mind if SIL wanted to deposit the money she gifts for each birthday into it, but she doesn’t, she puts it in a card and we are responsible for depositing it so obviously we deposit it along with all the other cash DD gets into the account we’re in charge of as it is obviously so much easier, and I don’t want to deposit all the cash into the account we’re not in charge of.

OP posts:

RosaBonheur · 20/02/2023 20:47

Gem123J · 20/02/2023 20:32

Unfortunately it is true that you have to go into the branch, or post with some, to deposit money. I was actually looking at different banks / BS’s interest rates last night and there are many BS’s where you can only deposit in branch. That’s why we’ve never deposited the money SIL gives into that account because it’s just a lot of hassle when we can easily deposit it with the rest of the birthday money into the account we’re in charge of. Or if DD only receives a small amount we tend to keep the cash and transfer over the amount from our account to her savings as we can easily do it on our banking app.

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Well if she has opened an account which is a massive ball ache to pay money into, she can't complain about other people not paying money into it, can she?

Nothing to stop her going into a branch to pay birthday and Christmas money into the account, is there? If she can't be bothered to do that because it's a massive hassle, why does she expect you to?

I think I'd suggest closing the account and transferring the balance to your DD's main account on the grounds that it's much easier to deposit and withdraw money.

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 20/02/2023 20:50

So she's opened an account for your DD, that only she can control, but gives you cash and then checks on the app if you've paid it in??

It sounds like she's trying to catch you out here, why would she not pay it in herself and write it in the card?

The gifts are kind of course, but is there a possibility she's a bit two faced about you to MIL, testing if you 'keep' the money for her niece.

Or maybe if she knew about this new account she'd understand. Weird to pay cash then check up on you though.

YANBU to pay other's gifts into your own savings account, she has no say over this, and YANBU to pay hers in the same if she gifts it as cash.

I'd say this time, or in a thank you card next time; " thanks for the money, we ve put it in a good savings account we use that's easier for us, she's a lucky girl to have two".

Emptycrackedcup · 20/02/2023 20:53

MrsBunnyEars · 20/02/2023 17:06

Is there a reason you think that SIL didn’t expect you to open your own savings account? If there’s no backstory, it sounds like she’s done a nice thing, just one that might involve admin far in the future.

It’s totally appropriate that you have your own account for DD (again, assuming there’s no relevant backstory). But I can’t see a problem with her having one from her aunt too.

This. It's actually really nice, if a bit impractical. But I think take it with the intention it was done. No stress needed

CloudPop · 20/02/2023 22:02

FlowerArranger · 20/02/2023 17:11

Just tell them that you are putting it into a Junior ISA for her.

Which would make sense, anyway - particularly an equity based ISA, as the return by the time she turns 18 is likely to be significantly greater.

This

Takeitonthechin · 21/02/2023 13:39

That's good, she's saving for your daughter, she must think a lot about her.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 07/03/2023 23:46

But you do not need to worry about any money coming out of that account, dd will have access herself.
The aunt ought to deposit money gifts from her into the account. Why don't you withdraw what the aunt has given to your dd and deposit it into the account this one time and tell the aunt she has to do it herself in future. Don't deposit it into the account you made.

JudgeRudy · 08/03/2023 00:20

I think there are a few issues her and most revolve around communication.
Firstly your SIL opened an account for your daughter without any discussion with you both. That's unusual however it does happen but if it does, the person opening it generally makes regular deposits. If your husband gave her child's birth certificate I'm surprised he didn't ask further Qs or mention it to you.

When daughter is presented with the piggy bank and account no one questioned it
Aunt continued to give cash gifts and pressured you were putting it into the account. You didn't tell her you weren't or that you had already opened another account
Your SIL discovered things weren't running as she thought and your husband did a crap job of clearing things up.
Dies no one speak to each other?
OK...does your daughter still have the piggy bank? Stick aunties gift money in there. Once a year (or when ever) get auntie to take daughter to BS. When you propose this to SIL give 2 choices.....hey SIL, is there actually any money in the account. OK. Do you wanna just close it, or do you wanna take daughter to BS to deposit the money? I thought you'd like to do it with her (as you bloody opened the account).
I suspect she just wants daughter to 'feel' the cash and know its from her.

JudgeRudy · 08/03/2023 00:30

strawberry2017 · 20/02/2023 17:19

I'm confused, what's the actual issue?

@strawberry2017
Auntie (presumably) wants her niece to see the cash on her birthday/Xmas/when ever but the mum is left with the hassle of having to traipse down to the BS (during opening hours) and pay the cash in....so she doesn't. She pays it into her other account, the one they opened when she was a baby. I'd guess she takes the £50 out of the cars and then transfers £50 in on line. SiL has now noticed that there's nothing in 'her' account. Dad has given a half hearted explanation.
Essentially mum doesn't care what SIL does with the account or regular money....but she doesn't want to bother with the cash or transferring money around. I suspect SIL likes her niece to physically see the cash she has given her.
Mum and dad cannot access the account, only SIL can....

Fraaahnces · 08/03/2023 00:38

Honestly, it’s weird. Why would she consider it HER place to open it in the first place? Boundary issues. I would ask her to close it out and consolidate it with yours to avoid tax problems.

MarshaMelrose · 08/03/2023 00:57

JudgeRudy · 08/03/2023 00:30

@strawberry2017
Auntie (presumably) wants her niece to see the cash on her birthday/Xmas/when ever but the mum is left with the hassle of having to traipse down to the BS (during opening hours) and pay the cash in....so she doesn't. She pays it into her other account, the one they opened when she was a baby. I'd guess she takes the £50 out of the cars and then transfers £50 in on line. SiL has now noticed that there's nothing in 'her' account. Dad has given a half hearted explanation.
Essentially mum doesn't care what SIL does with the account or regular money....but she doesn't want to bother with the cash or transferring money around. I suspect SIL likes her niece to physically see the cash she has given her.
Mum and dad cannot access the account, only SIL can....

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I agree that she wants her niece physically to see and handle the money. It's not much of a present if you say, I've put money in your account.

It's only twice a year. Christmas and birthday. It can't be that hard to separate the money out and pay it into the SILs account once or twice a year. Sometimes the banks and BSs have reciprocal agreements for paying in.

I don't understand, for the sake of a couple of journeys a year, why you risk hurting her feelings and falling out.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 08/03/2023 01:02

Maybe she puts the money into a card so your DD and you can see what she is gifting, and also choose to save some, and buy something with some. Is it really that difficult to pop in twice a year ar Xmas and birthday to put the money in.

StClare101 · 08/03/2023 02:15

If she wants the gifted birthday money to be put into the account she controls she can damn well do it herself.

I would not put your own money in at all. Madness.

mathanxiety · 08/03/2023 02:25

That's pretty weird of SIL.

mathanxiety · 08/03/2023 02:27

Did she set it up for tax dodging purposes?

JudgeRudy · 08/03/2023 19:31

@MarshaMelrose I don't understand, for the sake of a couple of journeys a year, why you risk hurting her feelings and falling out.

I would definitely risk it. SIL's made a mistake and may be unaware. Raising it and explaining shouldn't result in a falling out. If its does, I'd say SIL isn't the type of person to you want in your life. I wouldn't be prepared to waste my time with this. Likewise I don't wrap presents from others (maybe a one off with a huge apology), or go and pick them up

MarshaMelrose · 08/03/2023 20:16

JudgeRudy · 08/03/2023 19:31

@MarshaMelrose I don't understand, for the sake of a couple of journeys a year, why you risk hurting her feelings and falling out.

I would definitely risk it. SIL's made a mistake and may be unaware. Raising it and explaining shouldn't result in a falling out. If its does, I'd say SIL isn't the type of person to you want in your life. I wouldn't be prepared to waste my time with this. Likewise I don't wrap presents from others (maybe a one off with a huge apology), or go and pick them up

Oh. OK. I guess maybe I'm more family orientated than you.
If my sister had opened a savings account for my child, I'd do what I could to facilitate saving in that account. It would make my sister, who had good intentions, happy, it would be nice for my child to see the account grow, and seeing both those two things would make me happy.
I wrap presents for my husband and other people when asked. I don't love it but I am good at it 😇 and they look brilliant when they're done. And I wrap for my mum because she has started with dementia and struggles.
I run my mum around because she can't drive anymore. People dont ask for lifts often but if they do, I'm happy to help out. That's not just family but friends as well.
But I guess if you're not accustomed to doing things for other people, putting money in account twice a year would seem like you're wasting your life. 🙄

RosaBonheur · 08/03/2023 20:22

MarshaMelrose · 08/03/2023 20:16

Oh. OK. I guess maybe I'm more family orientated than you.
If my sister had opened a savings account for my child, I'd do what I could to facilitate saving in that account. It would make my sister, who had good intentions, happy, it would be nice for my child to see the account grow, and seeing both those two things would make me happy.
I wrap presents for my husband and other people when asked. I don't love it but I am good at it 😇 and they look brilliant when they're done. And I wrap for my mum because she has started with dementia and struggles.
I run my mum around because she can't drive anymore. People dont ask for lifts often but if they do, I'm happy to help out. That's not just family but friends as well.
But I guess if you're not accustomed to doing things for other people, putting money in account twice a year would seem like you're wasting your life. 🙄

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Why can the SIL not put money in the account twice a year herself rather than create an extra chore for the OP which doesn't benefit anyone?

RosaBonheur · 08/03/2023 20:26

MarshaMelrose · 08/03/2023 00:57

I agree that she wants her niece physically to see and handle the money. It's not much of a present if you say, I've put money in your account.

It's only twice a year. Christmas and birthday. It can't be that hard to separate the money out and pay it into the SILs account once or twice a year. Sometimes the banks and BSs have reciprocal agreements for paying in.

I don't understand, for the sake of a couple of journeys a year, why you risk hurting her feelings and falling out.

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Yeah, my aunt doesn't think "I've put some money in your account" is much of a present either.

That's why she buys actual presents.

She certainly never sent me cash in an envelope so that I could see and touch it, but expecting one of my parents to then take it off me and make a special journey to a building society which doesn't offer online banking and pay it into an account that only she could access. Because that would have been completely batshit.