SIL opened and in charge of a savings account for DD but we already have one for her…

[Gem123J]

This actually happened a few years ago but we brushed it aside and forgot about it, and it’s been brought up recently by SIL.

So a few years back one Christmas SIL gifted our DD a piggy bank and details of a savings account with a building society and fair play had put £50 in it too. Lovely. MIL said something along the lines of SIL wanted to make sure our DD would have some money when she’s older so opened this account for us. Only issue is that of course we were thinking the same for DD and opened one pretty soon after her birth to put all the money she received in after she was born (and for every birthday’s and Christmas going forward). DH and I decided we would carry on with our savings for her (as it was easy to deposit as it was the same bank, could tranfer money from an app on our phones etc as sometimes my parents send the money to my bank and I transfer). But the BS (building society not the other BS!) one SIL opened you had to go into the branch. And to be honest we weren’t too comfortable putting all of DD’s money into an account that we would have to have SIL with us to withdraw money until DD is 16 (although we have no intentions of taking her money out, unless it’s to put it in a better account).

Anyway, we completely forgot about this account as we carried on putting money in the one we’ve opened for her and we said SIL could continue to put birthday/Christmas money in the account she’s opened but SIL puts cash in cards and we just deposit it along with the rest of the cash DD receives.

It was brought up recently to DH about why we weren’t putting money in that account and DH said something about how difficult it would be with having SIL having to be present to which she has said that she only has to be there to withdraw, not to deposit.
AIBU to be a bit p’d off that DH and I weren’t expected to be sensible an open a savings account for our own DC and that SIL effectively has control over a savings account for her?

Simply “we put all gifted money into DDs primary account which we have access to as it’s so much less fuss than having to go to banks to put money in etc”

i would be suspicious that SIL wants to give it to DD at 18 with a “look what I saved for you” attitude

If you have the account number (which I assume you do, if you are able to make deposits without SIL present) then I would think you would be able to call the bank and find out whose name it's in. Or, if they won't give you that information as your dd's parents, that maybe tells you something about dd's status on the account.

I opened an account for my nephew (did not need birth certificate) and regularly saved money in it. When he was 14 I transferred the "ownership" to his mum.

TBF there is a lot of anti fraud stuff that's come in during the last few years which might explain why birth certificates may now needed.-

I don't think it's weird or overstepping to open one for a niece or nephew. An auntie opened a bank account for me and all my siblings. She deposited birthday and Christmas money in (until my parents divorced 😂). So I considered opening one when my first niece was born, glad I didn't get round to it because I didn't realise it was considered so 'odd'. The odd thing is her asking why you haven't used it, but that is your fault for not being upfront at the time. You should have said straight away that you had already opened one, but she should use it to put gifts in from her. I assume she puts money in a card and not the account so you don't think she's just sent a card. But you could ask her to put it in the separate savings account instead. It would be nice for her to have a small separate account.

Not necessarily - you can purchase anyone's birth certificate online if you want to. She just needed to fill out a form and pay £11.

You need proof of address and identity checks too.

otherwise anyone could open a bank account in anyone else’s name- which is why you can’t do it on birth certificate alone as banks have to be very careful about money laundering.

it’s more likely sil has opened it in her own name “for dd”

This used to be the case my ds dad couldn't open ds an account as he never had a copy off birth certificate, that was 14 years ago so might of changed now.

Is your SIL older and does she have any children of her own op?

The identity checks would all be in SIL's name and her address - that's all as expected. It could still be DD's account but SIL has named herself as the guardian. I assumed that's what had happened. I highly doubt SIL has set up her own bank account for herself and is demanding OP put money into it - that's even weirder than we'd thought.

Don't need proof of address for a child saver, birth cert only. I know because I've opened accounts for both step-sons & I also worked for llyods bank in a local branch.

Sounds like the account is in your sister in law's name "in trust" for your child so legally the money is aunties.

I don't think it's been any wrong doing but I also wouldn't be sending any other money to that account.

I would just keep your account going & auntie can do hers. I'd also be making it known my money isn't going into aunties account 🤣

I wasn’t present when it was announced it was opened. And wasn’t present in this conversation so I really don’t know what DH has said. I would hope that he said we already have an account for her and that there’s quite a lot in there so we’ll just stay with that one but I really don’t know what he’s said. MIL is fully aware we have an account for her but it’s not something that comes up in conversation when we see SIL, except for recently when she asked either MIL or DH why we weren’t using it.

We have never made a deposit to this account, we’ve only ever used the one we opened for her ourselves.

Even if the account is in your child's name the aunty can still put money in and take money out. On this basis it's completely right you keep your child's money safe in an account that you and dh control.

Well, SIL, as we had had a well-established account for dd already, that's the one we putt all her money into. I'm afraid afraid your account is rather inconvenient for us, and we would rather you continued to oversee it. If you feel you must oversee dd's credits and/or debits then by all means do so, on the account you set up. We shall continue to oversee dd's account as we always have.

Yes she’s older and has older children of her own.

Why don't you just message or text sil that dd has an account already? Then she'll know.

Mind you MIL did similar, but I made absolutely certain to thank her the next time I saw her, and then it was natural/normal to let her know I'd already set one up. The result was that MIL put 10 a month into dd's account, which I think might have eventually (years later) found its way into the one we'd set up. DD had nominal control by then anyway. Perhaps the two were put together, dd's business and I can't remember.

But no one felt slighted or upset and dd was quids in.

I thought perhaps that was the case, I can understand why you feel the way you do now, it feels condescending some how from an older sibling but not if it were a grandparent.
She probably meant well, only you know her and her most likely intentions.
Just carry on as you are, she can pay into that account but not expect others to especially if she has sole control.

I'd suggest to sil that she transfer the contents to the account you already have for dd, since it is easier for you to manage that one

I don’t understand why you’re determined to see it as some sort of slight.

it may be that she thought about it quite late on with her own DC, and thought it would be a nice gesture without thinking it all the way through in terms of access faff. Then she’s just assumed when you’ve referenced an account over the years it’s the one she opened; and was a little surprised to hear that you weren’t using it. It’s not like she called you screaming demanding to know why you didn’t use it!

I think her heart was in the right place. It's the sort of thing I remember people doing years back when it was really easy to open accounts. Just tell her you have your own account for DC

I did the same for my two grandsons. We put money in regularly and used to sometimes take them with me to show them what happens. When they got to the age when they became responsible I asked them if they would like the books or would they like me to carry on putting money in.They both wanted me to keep them. When they got to 21 I gave them the books. One asked if I minded if he bought some shares which was a good idea. Their parents were happy and free to save for them as well. No problem.

But happy I assume you didn't expect other money to go into it, it was just for you to give the gc?

I can't believe there is any such thing as a bank or building society account that you have to physically go into a branch to pay money into these days. Surely anyone with the account number and sort code can just do a bank transfer to put money in the account?

If it's genuinely the case that you have to go into the branch to deposit cash - which I seriously doubt - what's to stop your SIL from going there herself to deposit money for your DD rather than sending you £20 in the post and expecting you to do it?

It's all very odd.

There's nothing wrong with her opening an account for the benefit of her niece, although I would question why it is necessary when the niece already has a bank account. But if she wants money that she gives her niece to be paid into that account, she needs to pay it in herself.

I have no problems in her opening this to add her own funds, but surely she must realise you may have your own or even not want to contribute yourselves?

It was her choice