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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking him to get rid of his dog after 7 years?

483 replies

Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 16:00

I am moving to the USA to be with my fiance. He has a pitbull/lab who has previously bit a little yorkie, the yorkie did start the fight, however unfortunately the yorkie died because the pitbull punctured a lung after 1 bite.

I have 2 cavalier dogs. I have extreme anxiety about taking my 2 dogs over there to live with this dog that has previously bit before. My fiancé says it was a total one off, he has since been neutered and is older now, and it was the other dogs fault. I have met the dog and it does pretty much sleep all day.

I just don't know if I can live my life anxious always watching my dogs around this dog - It is a small house - I really don't know how to get over this as we are both refusing to rehome our dogs. He does have family nearby that he could probably give him too, I would be going out to the US with just my dogs.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 20/02/2023 17:52

JackiePlace · 20/02/2023 17:05

I don't think the two of you are compatible.

I agree. This looks dead in the water in the first place.

dudsville · 20/02/2023 17:53

The problem is neither of you is unreasonable. You aren't compatible. Like you i workshy feel my dogs were safe. But i would think so much less of a person who got rid of a dog for this reason.

JellyBeanFactory · 20/02/2023 17:53
  • time with his dog
Hesma · 20/02/2023 17:53

Don’t bring your dogs… simple

IAmMeThisIsI · 20/02/2023 17:54

At least he's allowing the dog out of the crate more. Fair enough.

Doesn't take away from the fact you're completely right about being anxious that your dog's will be attacked. They'll be fighting within ten seconds of meeting each other. Especially because the Pit is aggressive towards other dogs. It's his territory at the end of the day. Balls or no balls. He'll protect your DP until the death as well as a baby.

sunshinesupermum · 20/02/2023 17:55

My brothers wedding in September is how we met.

Less than six months ago and you are prepared to up your life here for such a short relationship? How old are you OP?

Runningonjammiedodgers · 20/02/2023 17:55

7 months together? Get someone to watch your dogs, use whatever annual leave you have left and ask for some unpaid leave. Get an ESTA and go out there for the 30 days you are allowed under that visa. You may well find you actually don't want to marry him after all and the problem will be solved.

whyhere · 20/02/2023 17:56

My staffie was attacked by a King Charles cavalier some months ago. Fortunately he is extremely well-socialised, so did not retaliate. However he was very skittish around other dogs afterwards; it took a lot of re-training. It sounds to me as though the three dogs might struggle to be compatible.

TheBitchOfTheVicar · 20/02/2023 17:56

You met in September and now you're engaged and giving up your whole life? Is that really a good idea? Really?

IAmMeThisIsI · 20/02/2023 17:57

In fairness, OP hasn't come here for relationship advice. That's her business. It's about this dog situation.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 20/02/2023 18:00

How old are you? I feel like you are very young.
Have you actually started the paper work that is involved in moving to the US?
It's not quick, and it's not cheap.
This all feels so crazy, please do all the dogs involved a favor and stay in the UK.

megletthesecond · 20/02/2023 18:00

Don't move. Break up with him and stay with your dogs. He sounds like a knob.

MichelleScarn · 20/02/2023 18:00

AnOldCynic · 20/02/2023 17:23

How long have you known him?
Have you ever lived together (with or without dogs)?
Have you ever lived in the States?
How often do you see him?

All this important information as to whether YABU or not.

Also - with caveat I know little about US Immigration laws... do you have a green card to go across and live/work in America or are you going and being fully supported by him?

KettrickenSmiled · 20/02/2023 18:00

Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 16:07

I already am giving up my entire life (Job, family, friends) I feel like giving up the only 2 things i have left (the dogs) would leave me depressed, for people asking me to give up mine. I totally get why he doesn't want to give up his too.

Well this is kinda the nub of the whole issue innit - WHY are you giving up so much for this man? How long have you known him? What commitment has he shown in travelling to see you so far? Do you have a job lined up in the States? How much is all this costing you, in monetary & all other terms?

FT123456 · 20/02/2023 18:00

I mean you can't make him give up his dog so you can have your dogs that's highly unreasonable...

Sarahcoggles · 20/02/2023 18:01

IAmMeThisIsI · 20/02/2023 17:57

In fairness, OP hasn't come here for relationship advice. That's her business. It's about this dog situation.

She's asking if she's unreasonable to ask him to re-home his dog. So essentially it's a relationship question. How to manage a relationship. Some of us are pointing out that she shouldn't really be at this stage in this relationship.

blisstwins · 20/02/2023 18:01

I have a pit Bull who has bitten other dogs. He is perfect with people, but his prey drive is strong and I keep him muzzled on walks because of the one prior attack. I would never bring another dog into the home. I think it is unfair, however, to expect him to get rid of his dog. I think you have a real problem. Can you revoke yours?

blisstwins · 20/02/2023 18:01

Rehome

Redebs · 20/02/2023 18:02

Blueuggboots · 20/02/2023 16:03

Why do your dogs take priority over his dogs?

Because his dog is dangerous

KettrickenSmiled · 20/02/2023 18:02

Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 16:14

The dog actually doesnt have much of a life - it is usually in a crate all day while he is at work - then at night just sleeps on the sofa with him and in bed. My dogs, spend all day with me working from home, have multiple walks a day, come to dinner breakfast etc with me, holidays.

Show quote history

You describe yourself as a dog lover.

Why are you investing your life in a man who neglects his dog so badly?

KettrickenSmiled · 20/02/2023 18:04

Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 16:57

In regards to the kids thing, I asked him this before. His answer was "My dog will defend that baby to the death of him because he knows it is my kid and part of me" - not sure I agree

Show quote history

He sounds like an ignorant tosspot.

pastaandpesto · 20/02/2023 18:05

Oh OP, based on your updates I really, really would urge you to reconsider this decision. You barely know this man and there are already red flags.

There are over 5 million men in the UK aged between 25 and 40. Choose one of them instead.

silverbubbles · 20/02/2023 18:06

What would happen if you went with dogs and pitbull didn't like them on his patch?

SpottyBalloons · 20/02/2023 18:06

OP, I think moving would be a huge mistake. If you really only met him in September 2022 I can't believe you're even considering it. How much time have you actually spent together? This whole situation has so many red flags. Stay loyal to your dogs.

IncompleteSenten · 20/02/2023 18:06

It's a big move.
Have you talked about how you will manage finances? Household responsibilities? Goals for the future? Parenting styles?

I know you only asked about the dog sorry but moving countries to marry someone you met what? 5 months ago? Is a big gamble. How much time have you spent together in person? There are so many ways this could go horribly wrong. Do you have the means to return home if needs be?