Asking him to get rid of his dog after 7 years?

[Uktousa2022]

I am moving to the USA to be with my fiance. He has a pitbull/lab who has previously bit a little yorkie, the yorkie did start the fight, however unfortunately the yorkie died because the pitbull punctured a lung after 1 bite.

I have 2 cavalier dogs. I have extreme anxiety about taking my 2 dogs over there to live with this dog that has previously bit before. My fiancé says it was a total one off, he has since been neutered and is older now, and it was the other dogs fault. I have met the dog and it does pretty much sleep all day.

I just don't know if I can live my life anxious always watching my dogs around this dog - It is a small house - I really don't know how to get over this as we are both refusing to rehome our dogs. He does have family nearby that he could probably give him too, I would be going out to the US with just my dogs.

I would not have other dogs or a baby around a pitbull. Period.

September 2022? Four months ago? Surely not.

Anyway, listen to your intuition here and stop trying to make excuses for this guy. He cannot look after his dog properly. How is he going to look after children, and then if you separate, you will be stuck over there as you won’t be able to leave with your children.

just tell your boss you have changed your mind about going. She will probably heave a sigh of relief for you.

Absolutely this. I can't comprehend how the OP is planning to give everything up to move half way round the world to live with someone she barely knows. And that's before you bring the dog issues into it.

I guess he has moved into a whole new house for me to come over, moved all his stuff out his mums, and obviously is willing to support me financially (pay all bills) until i pick my job back up again

Long haul flights can be dangerous for any animals and especially animals that are not particularly young or those who have conditions that can cause problems. My daughter flew her cat from Dubai to UK from UK to Saudi and from Saudi to UK...on the last flight...these were over four years he had a massive epileptic fit and didnt live long after, the vet said he was quite sure the flight was the cause.

Just don’t go OP, sounds like a disaster.

I wouldn’t be able to trust his dog around my dogs and certainly not around kids.

He sounds neglectful leaving his dog in a crate all day and I wouldn’t want to raise a child with him.

Cavaliers are known for breathing issues, I wouldn’t drag them on a plane personally.

I also wouldn’t have kids alongside a dog who resource guards - that is 100% a risk to a child.

3 dogs and a potential baby sounds like horrific.

OP he’s a stranger with a pit mbull that’s already killed a dog.

Why oh why are you you giving up everything to move to the States to have children ‘soon’??

I’m not judging you or mocking you, I’m imploring you to think again.

So eight weeks?
And you are giving up your job and life here on the basis of eight weeks for someone who cannot even look after a dog properly?
I too hope this is a wind-up.

Why do you want to be with someone who cares so little about his dog that it doesn't have much of a life?

My brothers wedding in September is how we met.

This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen irrespective of the dog situation.

Irrespective of whether it's fair to ask him to give up his dog, is he the right sort of person for you?

He doesn't see that your UK friends and family have value to you, because they don't to him - hence his saying you'll have his friends and family instead. He's a macho man/alpha male who doesn't accept criticism, who has a dog of the type favoured by gang members for protection (and potentially use as a weapon, even if he doesn't intend that), he's not very bright and thinks his dog will somehow sense that a baby is HIS baby, a dog that he has kept crated most of the time because he doesn't know how to train it out of weeing indoors...

This dog may well not live much longer but what's to stop him getting another one? It's also not just your dogs that would be a concern, or a hypothetical baby - an adult woman was killed by a pit bull in the USA, wasn't she? I would not want to live with a dog like that. It would be a constant worry that the continuous crating had damaged the dog's mental well being and tbf, it's got form already, having fatally attacked a little dog.

I'm sorry OP but this venture looks like a massive gamble, potentially with disastrous consequences. I can't see how the risks aren't outweighing the positives for you.

Great stuff. 8 weeks with an "alpha male" dog abusing man who wants you to give up family, friends, home. job, country & your beloved dogs, so you can live entirely on his terms while he gets you knocked up, is a spectacular catch.
You must feel very proud to have snared him.

Similar happened to a friend. Pet flown USA to UK following a marriage breakdown and died less than a week after the flight.

Does your current boss actually have experience of overseeing international transfers of employees? "Waiting for your work permit to come through" is very vague. There are a wide range of different visas, which may or may not grant the right to work. There will be different eligibility, timescales and costs associated with them. For example, I was on an L2 visa and had to wait until I was in the US to apply for an EAD to be able to work, which took six months.

What kind of visa are you looking at? If it is a K-1 it only lasts three months and doesn't grant the right to work. And you have to marry within 90 days.

This is really sensible advice, OP - give it some serious consideration!

Oh well then. A PROPOSAL makes all the problems go away, sure.
No way you'll be caught out on the other side of the world & unable to return unless you;re prepared to abandon the kids you plan on popping out for this geezer.

If you were genuinely a dog lover you'd have dropped this guy for the way he treats his own dog. But ... PROPOSAL, yay!!!! Love's young dream innit.

It just gets better & better. He was living with mummy til he met you, & is still working for daddy.

Please stay in the UK, the USA seems a very bad move to live with a chap who has an uncontrollable dog. Just don’t!

This about sums it up. Can't you see the red flags here op?

You've known him for a few weeks, all told. What is the desperate risk to hitch yourself to him and give up EVERYTHING and become completely reliant on someone you hardly know on another continent?

As for your brother meeting his fiance once... He's only been married a few weeks. Don't get too ahead of yourself about the longevity of his relationship.

DH did an intra-company transfer to the US. The process took nearly a year from planning to us flying out. Relocating an employee internationally is a big investment - the visa process cost the company £££ and involved jumping through a lot of hoops. It is absolutely nothing like transferring from one UK office to another. Are you sure your boss understands this?

I hope he chooses the dog

Of course he will.

You wouldn’t choose someone you’ve only known 4 months over a dog you’ve had for 7 years.

This is someone who has got engaged after less than 4 months, who wants to start having kids soon, has told her he’ll financially support her and they don’t even live together yet - there’s so many red flags.
Most people would at least move on together for a couple of months before even thinking about getting engaged or kids.

He’s a fantasist and OP is naive.

OP can ask him to get rid of the dog and he’ll say no.

Or he’ll say yes but have no intention of doing it and then she’ll get there and be forced to give up her dogs.

I want to know how old you both are too as you seem to be avoiding that question.

He’s 27, the OP is 30. It’s on one of her other identical threads.

My brother has legally been married 4+ years covid restrictions meant they had there big wedding last year.