Asking him to get rid of his dog after 7 years?

[Uktousa2022]

I am moving to the USA to be with my fiance. He has a pitbull/lab who has previously bit a little yorkie, the yorkie did start the fight, however unfortunately the yorkie died because the pitbull punctured a lung after 1 bite.

I have 2 cavalier dogs. I have extreme anxiety about taking my 2 dogs over there to live with this dog that has previously bit before. My fiancé says it was a total one off, he has since been neutered and is older now, and it was the other dogs fault. I have met the dog and it does pretty much sleep all day.

I just don't know if I can live my life anxious always watching my dogs around this dog - It is a small house - I really don't know how to get over this as we are both refusing to rehome our dogs. He does have family nearby that he could probably give him too, I would be going out to the US with just my dogs.

If you are going over on a fiance visa not living together isn't an option. Whilst your relationship is genuine it will look like visa fraud if they find you living apart. If you get done for visa fraud you will be deported and not allowed back at all. Not if you get married, not for a trip to Disney world, not if you want to see a dying relative.

If not living together is an option why not give it a go as a long distance relationship for a bit longer?

I notice he is your fiance but the arrangement you are planning seems quite unbalanced to me. Moving with nothing but your dogs, leaving everything behind. I just wondered how long you have known him for this situation to have arisen and whether this man is truly worth giving up everything for as it is a big risk. I think he should at least be willing to discuss how he sees the settling in process working with your dogs as you would be introducing two dogs into another dogs territory which is bound to cause some stress for the dogs. And since it is a pitbull that has already killed another dog such stress could escalate and he will be ‘outnumbered’ by your dogs so could easily feel threatened. Safest solution might be to see if a family member could ‘foster’ your dogs for 6 months whilst you trial living with him and see what the dog is like. If sounds like it is elderly and sleeping a lot so may die soon in which case you can bring the dogs over then. Or find a foster home in the US for at least the first six months where you could visit your dogs regularly. Something else to consider is would he want to get another pitbull when the current one dies as if you are considering children with this man would you want to raise them in a house with a pitbull?

His mums dog yes -now has own house

I'm not sure I believe this since you said you were giving up your job.
Have you got a Green Card? Who is your sponsor? Is it him? Have you even really looked into all the legalities? The dogs are the least of your worries. You cant just hop on a plane and move to the USA

I don’t think you can go OP. You don’t want to give up your dogs and understandably he doesn’t either. Your lives aren’t compatible. You can’t force him so either you give up your dogs or you don’t go.

I haven't read the full thread as it's 11 pages now I think! But I've seen enough to see that you have only known this man 5 months. I've been married 13 years and in a relationship with my husband for 18 years. Despite knowing him this long, and we love each other immensely, he wouldn't move abroad for me and give up his family, friends and job! I know because I want to move and have asked him several times!!! So we r stuck in the UK! To be fair, I wouldnt move for him if it was somewhere I wasn't keen on either!

I don't have much of an opinion on the dog situation, but I don't think moving to a whole new country after knowing someone 5 months is not a great plan. It's a long way, giving up everything, and you don't really know each other!

I guess if you had no ties at all, no family or friends and were a confident free spirit, I might say 'go for it but be v v v v v careful and have a back up plan ready for if he's not as great as he seems', but given all you are giving up, I'd suggest a LOT of caution

Factoring in that he has a dog that's killed another dog and he keeps said dog in a crate all day, I think he doesn't sound too fantastic to be honest. But it's your life, so do whatever you feel. To be fair, it looks like the dogs are making the decision for you! Sometimes dogs know best, and yours may be telling you to stay put!!

How much time has you spent this man? Either he is a lunatic or you are.

Where will your dogs go? To the RSPCA? An shelter? You can't take them with you anyway. You don't have a green card. Yes, you still need one even if transferring.

You sound deluded.

Are you marrying 'Florida man'? This is insane OP. He has told you he doesn't see your move as a big deal. He doesn't see how your dogs lives would be in danger. OP, for heavens sake! Soooo many red flags. He is not taking your feelings into consideration. He is a very poor neglectful dog owner. He has fuck all knowledge of dog behaviour....the dog will know the baby is his how exactly!? Is he 10! Listen to your gut. Don't do it! Do not have kids with a man who is telling you he would endanger your child. Do not have kids with a man who doesn't listen or empathise with the very big things you are going through. He will be an utterly shit partner to have a baby with. It's writ large here, OP.

OP, you said you were giving up your job. Not transferring it.

A factor to consider is employment laws based in the USA are way different to the UK. And may well vary company to company. So check yours out.

Especially around maternity. It won't be the anywhere near the same as in the UK. You won't get near the leave and finances people have in the UK.

And look at medical care. Having a baby safely will cost. I don't know enough about medicare or who qualifies for it. But you may find having a baby costly. Very costly. Medicare isn't he NHS. And insurance for if you need aftercare. Either of you. That will cost.

You do have choices OP.
You don't have to decide to do anything at the moment really. Just ride things out for a bit. See where time takes things.

If he loves you he will wait for you. If he loves you he will see the issue about the dogs is not yours actually. It is an issue for you both.

But I am not sure he thinks in that way from all you have told us.

So many people are raising alarm bells for a reason.

I also think he will resent me if i make him get rid of his!

Lets be honest here, he’s not going to give up his dog for you.

So you need to give up yours or live in a separate home.

Hi Again, i was looking for your previous post to respond to but couldnt find it. I am not entirely sure of the contribution but i know for the USA the holiday is good and benefits are better than most usa companies. I say giving the job up, because there is a small risk I wont be rehired depending on how long the visa takes.

I am not sure if you can inbox on there but seems like you have gone through similar and was going to ask some more advice. Yes its all very hard to hear, especially when you love someone. I did have my suspicions (and he admits!) he is quite the alpha male type lol, and usually finds it hard to take critism, always right type of guy lol, but at least he recognises that. V hard. Not sure the way around it. We already notice huge cultural differences the way in the usa all his friends and family seem to want to hang out couple nights a week, and just turn up round each others houses or spend lots of time together, whereas in the UK everything is planned and thought out a bit more lol.

Please OP really think about what you're giving up! You've never lived together and in my experience you don't know someone till you live with them. It's HIS family and HIS friends, yeah you have a brother there but the fallout could be massive. Then throw potential children into the mix. It's been 5 months.....his dog is not the only obstacle you need to focus on but I will say this, a dog kept in a crate all day suffers from not only physical pain but mentally too and COULD make him more unpredictable. Your fiancé's attitude to the dog speaks volumes to me on his true nature.

Honestly proceed with caution, you could end up in a hole.

September?? 🤦🏼‍♀️

And she wants children soon!

Only read a selection but what bizarre responses you’ve had! This dog is a powerful breed that bit and killed another dog. He’s not a responsible owner to have done nothing about that. If I were you I’d be worried about the dog going for you when you take over his home and owner. How could you ever allow other people in your house knowing the risk, and no absolutely not fair on your dogs either

Medicare is for Senior Citizens who have spent their working life paying into it.
Medicaid is for poor people. I dont think a British Citizen popping over here to live with her "boyfriend" of 5 months will be getting Medicaid.
I'm beginning to think the OP is very young, and this is just some crazy fantasy her and her online BF have.

Thanks this is really consructive and I appreciate it. I say lose job/give up job because my boss has said there is a chance i wont be rehired, all depends on how long my work permit takes to come through, she isnt willing to wait forever.

I am aware of the maternity, annual leave etc. Thanks. Time will tell. I think i need to tell my boss because she was assuming i would go at the end of the month, im really not sure what to tell her now, im sort of embarrased..

I hope he comes round to seeing more where i am coming from, and suggesting ways to overcome it. his attitude at the moment is its all going to be fine, im worrying over nothing, we will make it work whatever we have to do etc.

How old are you?

And have you ever had a relationship before?

Just read that you want a child with this man.

I would not have a child around any dog that had killed another dog. I feel nervous leaving my 11 year old for 10 minutes with our dopey, loveable, never bitten anything or anyone breed, that sleeps on the sofa and has daily hugs! A baby around a dangerous breed that loves in a crate!!!???? Nooooooooo way! (I wouldn't leave a child around a man that keeps a danherous dog in a crate all day either! Even if the dog was miles away!!)

Please be careful OP. Red flags are flying v high!

Noted. I am going to keep an eye on him considering my feelings as I did worry this was the case.

One bite from a larger dog do's not make it a killer. But you both should try what I suggested, and you can put a muzzle on the terrier. I would not give up every thing to move to another country.

Or "bloody lunacy"

Try to put the embarrassment aside if you can. Telling your boss "I've decided to step back and rethink this as it's such a significant step" demonstrates maturity.

Be very, very wary of the alpha male who has to be in the right and can't take criticism. That's a relationship you shouldn't be willing to cross the street for, much less give up everything and cross the ocean for.

Oh my! Just realized that you have only known him for 5 months. You couldn't make it up!