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Original poster

Asking him to get rid of his dog after 7 years?

483 replies

Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 16:00

I am moving to the USA to be with my fiance. He has a pitbull/lab who has previously bit a little yorkie, the yorkie did start the fight, however unfortunately the yorkie died because the pitbull punctured a lung after 1 bite.

I have 2 cavalier dogs. I have extreme anxiety about taking my 2 dogs over there to live with this dog that has previously bit before. My fiancé says it was a total one off, he has since been neutered and is older now, and it was the other dogs fault. I have met the dog and it does pretty much sleep all day.

I just don't know if I can live my life anxious always watching my dogs around this dog - It is a small house - I really don't know how to get over this as we are both refusing to rehome our dogs. He does have family nearby that he could probably give him too, I would be going out to the US with just my dogs.

OP posts:
PaperDoves · 20/02/2023 18:45

As someone who gave up everything to move abroad for a man, don't do it.

Cocobutt · 20/02/2023 18:45

How long have you been together?

And how come the dogs haven’t met yet?

I think it’s crazy that he’s your fiancé and you’ve never even lived together!
What’s the longest you’ve spent together?

I don’t think you know this man very well at all and you are literally giving up your entire life and he’s giving up nothing.

Why are you moving in with him?
Can you not move over there but in a separate home?

That way you both get to keep your dogs and you’re not putting yourself in such a vulnerable position.

Innachu · 20/02/2023 18:47

A large dog of this age is really old, they really get a lot less feisty by then. With a bit of luck he might have a couple more years to live and I know from experience with a very feisty dog who was not child friendly to say the least, once she was older just didn’t care much really.
How old are your dogs and what are they like?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/02/2023 18:47

My brothers wedding in September is how we met.

5 months? Are you insane?

How much time have you actually spent together?

So he expects you to drop everything and move over there, leaving your dogs behind!?

I hope you have seem very honest friends to talk to you.

Cornelious2011 · 20/02/2023 18:49

No way would I take my dogs to live in a home with a dog who is aggressive. I also wouldn't leave my dogs/ rehoming for a man. That's without even thinking about bringing a baby into that situation. II think you need to rethink your relationship and the move.

Grizzledstrawberry · 20/02/2023 18:49

Your definitely been unreasonable. How about you give up your dogs instead?

Tohaveandtohold · 20/02/2023 18:50

Not the point of this thread but how can you be planning to drop your whole life, friends, family, etc for a man you only met in September, I mean less than 5 months ago and you’re planning to have kids soon. You really need to rethink all this, not just the dog issue, I think you need to give it time

Mummyofmaniacs · 20/02/2023 18:52

Serious rethink needed. The phrase 'on a whim' seems to shout out here

SnuggleBuggleBoo · 20/02/2023 18:54

Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 16:14

The dog actually doesnt have much of a life - it is usually in a crate all day while he is at work - then at night just sleeps on the sofa with him and in bed. My dogs, spend all day with me working from home, have multiple walks a day, come to dinner breakfast etc with me, holidays.

Show quote history

So he doesn't treat his dog well, but you claim to be a dog lover? How can you possibly be attracted to him?

Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 18:55

KettrickenSmiled · 20/02/2023 18:14

Oh FFS.

You have not answered anybody about whether you have work lined up, whether you are even eligible for work, how you will get a green card, when you plan to marry, why you are "in love" with a man who neglects his dog & sounds as thick as 2 planks with an aggressive fantasy about his dog's 'baby-protecting nature' who you have never cohabited with & seem to know next to nothing about ...

You say you met this loon at My brothers wedding in September ... so now, despite having only known him for 6 months you are planning to get knocked up.

What are you going to do if the relationship goes sour? Or his dog eats one of your dogs? Or he leaves you pregnant, with no green card, & unable to return home because you are now carrying his baby/have birthed his child, & he refuses to let you tale that child out of his country?

You would be fucking insane to go & shack up with this near-stranger.
You fallback plan seems to be "I'll just be dependent on my brother".
Your brother won't protect you from laws preventing you from taking this bloke's child out of the country when the relationship goes tits up. Nor will he be around to stop your dogs being savaged. You just haven't thought this through at all - I wonder if it's an exercise in fantasy, & you're winding everyone up.

Show quote history

To answer your question about the job - Yes I would be transfering my role with my international company

OP posts:
AlwaysGinPlease · 20/02/2023 18:55

I wouldn't give up my animals for my husband who I've been with for many many years. Why should you expect this man to give up anything for you. Entitled much 🙄

WilsonMilson · 20/02/2023 18:57

Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 17:49

My brothers wedding in September is how we met. My brother lives over there. Not online..

Show quote history

So, you’ve known him for 5 months??

I rest my case!

KillingLoneliness · 20/02/2023 18:57

I’m sorry OP but you are crazy to put your dogs through so much stress for someone you’ve known since September.
My FIL took a dog overseas and he said never again the stress and quarantine was far too much for the dog.
Also how much time have you both spent together in person? You a making a life changing decision and it’s not an easy transition to move to the US. This seems like an incredibly brash and irresponsible thing to do.

GatoradeMeBitch · 20/02/2023 18:58

It's not likely to work is it? He won't give up his dog, you won't give up yours, so you're going to stuff all three of them in a small house and see what happens? His dog may be older but as a pitbull/lab cross it's almost definitely very territorial, you'd only have to turn your back once, two spaniels wouldn't stand a chance.

There are other men in the world who will be less of a hassle to build a life with, maybe throw this one back. (But if you go ahead, if I were you I absolutely would not consider getting pregnant while the pitbull is still living.)

Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 18:59

TuesdayJulyNever · 20/02/2023 18:25

How much time have you spent together? Why are you the one making this move? (I’m not being snarky - just curious about the balance of power, financial factors etc, eg is it easier for you to continue your career there than for him to get established in uk?)

I was born old and cynical and there’s a few things you’ve said that would concern me and have me questioning the relationship. I definitely wouldn’t move if it put me at a disadvantage.

Can i ask what things? In terms of the family friends being interchangable, he also said i always can go back and see them and spend longer perioids with them, although i know its not that easy. He has moved states before so probably it doesnt scare him moving etc. He also owns his own business hence why he couldnt move here.

OP posts:
CousinKrispy · 20/02/2023 19:00

What does the health insurance package from your employer look like when you make the transfer? What contribution will you be expected to make?

What maternity leave will they offer you when you are US-based?

Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 19:00

AlwaysGinPlease · 20/02/2023 18:55

I wouldn't give up my animals for my husband who I've been with for many many years. Why should you expect this man to give up anything for you. Entitled much 🙄

Again it goes back to the dog either interntionally or unintentionally killing another dog similar size to mine. Not being sarcastic or anything but does that not resignate with you? lol im asking because you seem to have the same attitude/view as him and i am genuinely intersted

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 20/02/2023 19:00

I think you could say one bite and it has to go, I don't think you can say it has to be given up now.

Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 19:02

PaperDoves · 20/02/2023 18:45

As someone who gave up everything to move abroad for a man, don't do it.

Sorry to hear this. Can i ask what happened?

OP posts:
Wishihadanalgorithm · 20/02/2023 19:02

In your shoes, I’d stay here with my dogs. He can’t give up his dog and you can’t give up yours (and neither should btw) so just build your life here without this man.

I appreciate this might not be helpful.

Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 19:02

ACynicalDad · 20/02/2023 19:00

I think you could say one bite and it has to go, I don't think you can say it has to be given up now.

Yep agree, but one bite and they could also be dead right. its hard.

OP posts:
GatoradeMeBitch · 20/02/2023 19:03

I didn't see that it's a 5 month relationship! OP, this is the honeymoon "you're the best person in the world" stage. Yet neither of you is willing to rank the other person higher than your respective pet dogs.

At least get past the one year mark before you make any kind of life changing commitment.

Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 19:03

RemoteControlDoobry · 20/02/2023 18:16

Christ I despair I really do!!

Of course you don’t move your dogs to the home of a dog who’s killed another small dog! What if it was a child the dog had killed? It would have been pts and no way would you ever trust it with a child again. And people are blaming the Yorkie?!! I mean what the actual fuck!

You choose your dogs or this man. I’d choose your dogs because you’ll resent him and the relationship will be over within a year. Then you’ll have given up your dogs for nothing.

A similar dog almost killed a dog at our local park a few weeks ago. It will do it again especially if your dogs are in its territory.

I also think he will resent me if i make him get rid of his! Maybe an option would be not to live together. I really dont know.

OP posts:
GatoradeMeBitch · 20/02/2023 19:04

I think you could say one bite and it has to go

This dogs "one bite" comes with a body count...

Justalittlebitduckling · 20/02/2023 19:05

Do you really want to go? Might be worth stepping back and checking whether you have made it all about this one issue (the dogs) when you have reservations about giving up your whole life and making this big move?