Pregnant women are not respected the same anymore

[Grannypantsandtea]

Is it just me or are people more inconsiderate to pregnant women (and new mums) than they used to be?
I remember being pregnant with my eldest 11 years ago, people would hold open doors, offer me seats etc. A lovely man helped me carry my buggy down stairs when the lift was broken. Older people would stop to fuss over the new baby.
Im now pregnant again with a very obvious bump and I’ve not come across one kind person yet.
Ive had people push into me, rush to get ahead in queues, run to take a bench I was clearly trying to sit at while feeling faint, not a single door held open, a woman pushing past to get into a lift so I couldn’t (spd so struggle with stairs).
Maybe it’s just me being old fashioned, I certainly don’t expect special treatment, but to lack consideration for a woman struggling seems to be a recent thing, I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people.
I have always been thoughtful to pregnant women, holding doors open for buggies etc, I thought it was just a general part of respect in this country but it’s sad how the world has changed in a decade.
Has anyone else experienced this complete lack of care towards others or is it just me? I’m prepared to be told I’m precious, but it only takes a few seconds out of your life to stop and let a pregnant lady walk past for example.

As someone who is in chronic pain most days and has been pregnant twice, people are just fucking rude. The pandemic has made them worse. I'm pleased I had my children precovid.
I rarely venture out unless it's planned in advance and I know the people I'm going out with.

FWIW though I do think pregnant women deserve a medal/award/round of applause. I was completely naive to how physically and emotionally taxing it is. It's also pretty much the most special thing anyone can do. What's more significant than creating a life and growing it with your own body?!

I think this attitude might be one of the reasons that people are less tolerant/indulgent of pregnant women.

your experience doesn’t surprise me op. I am on crutches with broken leg just now and get pretty much zero consideration from anyone

It was 18 years ago but I never expected special treatment. I remember standing on a bus in central London with a friend while I was heavily pregnant and my friend commented that she thought someone should offer me their seat as I was visibility heavily pregnant. I hadn’t thought about it at all and I didn’t care.

Agree!

I think the culture around pregnancy has changed, it's no longer seen as an illness/impairment or makes you more vulnerable in fact you are encouraged to be active and fit up until birth. With HG or SPD people will say oh you chose to be pregnant etc , I had both in my pregnancy and to be honest I don't remember anyone being rude really.. It wasn't a permanent state and it stopped after birth. I did use the disabled toilets and parent child spaces. Yes healthcare professionals say pregnancy is not an illness and that has filtered down to the public who think it's a lifestyle choice.

It's completely different being pregnant and someone with permanent chronic pain .

Why is this such a terrible way to view pregnancy?

Pregnant women are honestly bottom of the pile in society - it has been that way in my experience anyway which is really shit.

yes it's a choice (most of the time) but so what? I still treat people with common decency and help someone out if I think they are struggling or are more vulnerable than myself. It's just called not being an asshole.

It’s just so self-indulgent. If I went around saying that this thing I was doing was the most special and significant thing ever, people would find me very irritating.

I’m not saying that pregnancy isn’t an impressive feat because it is, but people acting like it’s a fact that it’s the most special and significant thing in the universe is obnoxious.

@fitzwilliamdarcy a quick search of your username says an awful lot about your attitude towards pregnant women. You clearly don't like it when women find joy and pride in pregnancy, but also can't abide them finding challenges with it either. Bizarre.

I find that many people talk about pregnancy in a highly dramatic way, especially on MN. Like the poster just above you who thinks that women are bottom of the societal pile, under homeless people and disabled people presumably.

That’s what I have an issue with. That rather than pregnant women should’ve probably apparent from my posting history (how creepy of you, by the way).

Wow some of the replies here are insanely ridiculous!

You DO deserve to have a seat, have people be kind and not have people push into you.
We all deserve that whether pregnant or not but a pregnant women is more vulnerable than many others.

Every person complaining the opposite is only on this earth today because a once pregnant person went through this. Being heavily pregnant isn't easy, and yes for many it is a choice, but it doesn't make it that it should be any less respected

I will say though when I was pregnant I had lots of nice people offer to help and give up seats etc. same when I had a newborn

People are more shitty nowadays though, and a lot of the replies on this thread prove that too.

Yep. Pregnant women don't get the respect they should. They are dehumanised as people these days.

@fitzwilliamdarcy so pregnant women are tolerated by you as long as they keep their mouths shut, don't celebrate or complain, and don't expect any consideration. Sounds reasonable.

I’ve not long had a baby and didn’t feel dehumanised in any way. In fact, the only time I felt that I may need more help (like a seat) was early in first tri, before I even looked pregnant, but had pretty bad morning sickness which was made worse by wearing a mask during a heatwave.

I think you're being precious. I can't stand women who somehow think they're special in some way when they're pregnant. If you are struggling physically with pregnancy then yes of course you could do with help, but if nobody offers it (maybe they don't know you're struggling?) then ask for it? I would never expect a door to be held open for me specifically because I'm pregnant! In fact, I would never expect special treatment whatsoever and I find it odd that anyone does. It is NOT a disability.

Yes, exactly. There are literally no other options besides: (a) going on and about how oppressed pregnant women are despite being the saviours of the earth, and (b) never mentioning your pregnancy ever.

You know when I said that people on here are extremely dramatic…?

I’m actually going to repeat what I posted on page 6 because it bears repeating.

I will give her [a pregnant woman] more consideration than a non-pregnant woman on the basis that she either has, or has communicated, additional needs

That’s what is required and it’s what I’ll do. I just will not join in the martyrdom, pity parties, oppression Olympics and idol worship.

Please do continue to be ridiculous but I’m bowing out now.

@fitzwilliamdarcy let's be honest, you don't like that pregnancy makes women feel special, or that they might get some special treatment, and so you like to put them back in their box.

@fitzwilliamdarcy "Like the poster just above you who thinks that women are bottom of the societal pile, under homeless people and disabled people presumably."

Please do not dismiss my experience. That is how I felt, I did not mention homeless or disabled people - is that who you think are at the bottom? I can only comment on how it was for me, the same as any of us on here can. I was not treated well during my pregnancies, not by the healthcare professionals nor by your average Joe. That isn't a pity party - that is just fact.

tbh, I think society treats anyone with a perceived weakness as a major inconvenience and there is this real aire of humph why should i!

I stand by my previous post - a lot of people are incredibly selfish.

I mean, if someone insisted on holding a door open for me because I'm pregnant I'd think that's a bit weird - my arms work just fine and aren't where the brunt of my discomfort is, although naturally I would say thanks. Idk every interaction I've had during this pregnancy has been just right without people being unpleasant or overbearing - people have kindly offered me seats on buses or let me get onto the bus before others in a large queue, made small talk about when I'm due, offered for me to go first in a line at the toilets etc. But also no one has been worshipping my feet as some kind of marvel that I've got a foetus inside me (which would be weird if they did - my choice and privelege to have a kid is no ones problem but my own, and aside from a small kindness like letting me sit when my hips hurt or letting me in the toilet when I'm desperate, I don't need to be treated any different than anyone else 🤨)

@Wafflington I'm glad you're having such a positive experience. I went to see a show at the weekend and waited in a long queue for the toilet, when I got to the front and a cubicle door opened the woman behind me shot in it! I couldn't believe it. I don't expect to skip a queue due to pregnancy but I do expect to be let in when it's my turn (as I always would, but it seems especially rude to do that to a pregnant woman!) 😂

What a deliberately horrible post. I'm very sorry for you. Your life experiences must have really dented you for you to post like that.

I mean queue skipping like that is just rude no matter the circumstances really! Tbh this was a lady and her teenage daughter who said (can't remember the kids name tbh) "Oh let this lady go first, Rebecca" - they where at the front of the queue and I was behind the daughter, no one else between me and mum/daughter. If I'd been way at the back I'd have insisted it's fine, I'll wait like everyone else (unless I was legitimately about to piss myself lol) as its not like everyone else in the queue agreed to let me in front is it??? I don't feel so bad taking up the offer in the bus queue though as skipping the queue in the bus to get a seat feels less entitled than skipping the queue in order to pee quicker, when in a line of many other women who all also need to pee as well. Needing to pee isn't unique to pregnancy afterall lol

Idk maybe I just live in a city with nice people!