How much £ would you give DM in these circumstances?

[StereoTie]

Have NC this but regular poster. Would appreciate opinions on this situation.

If adult daughter in 40s who was financially comfortable with two DC and a DH who was a high earner had a windfall of £20,000 (not as a result of work or anything related, some good fortune) would you expect that daughter to give her only remaining living parent (70) any of the money?

Background is the daughter and mother are very close, the DM is struggling financially and hasn't worked much since covid and now lives on her pension. The daughter and her husband have a large mortgage but can afford to pay for it plus other luxuries. They have two DC who have everything they need.

No other siblings involved.

Also, is there any particular reason why, if you are skint, you can't get a little job? I'm guessing you are mid 60s. I'm nearly 63 and still work full-time.
What prevents you from taking in ironing, doing a cleaning job, a couple of shifts at the supermarket, cat feeding when people are on hols (I pay £12 per day), dog walking, etc., if you have no technical/professional skills?

@RosesAndHellebores The OP said in her first post that she was 70. Not sure what she means by 'not worked much since Covid'- if she means she had long covid, or her job isn't available any more.

But I agree that she could possibly work- babysitting, house-sitting, supermarkets, cafe, etc.

Biggest issue is no plans years ago for her old age.

My local Morrisons has a cashier on the till who works 3 mornings a week, just about 10/12 hours, she is 82 and loves it. Says it gets her out chatting to people & she’s very popular at the supermarket.

I guess on minimum wages she’ll be earning about £100/120 a week

I agree with all of @SueG60 's posts around pp13 - 15.

Eyerollcentral seems to be getting her generations mixed up. The OP is only 70. If my Mum were still alive she would be into her 90s, and she worked all her life, and paid into her pension too. Anyone age 70 has had the opportunity to do that (barring circumstances like being unable to work due to caring for a child with significant needs, or indeed the person them self having a considerable disability - but I suspect if that were the case for the OP, she would have mentioned it by now, on P21 of this thread).

I have been looking into costs against pensions and I will be a lot better off at 70 that I was with a mortgage and dc to support.

I said my mother worked all her life, what an odd thing to say about me getting generations mixed up. You are totally in denial if you cling to the idea that older women now are not affected by their limited employment options earlier in life.

Oh come on @Eyerollcentral I started work aged 20 in 1980; my mother worked from the age of 16/17 and always had work until she was about 70 albeit the last 15/20 years doing her husband's paperwork and payroll. Before that my grandmother worked until she was about 70 farming and running a family business. DH's side were similar.

There has always been work for women if they have wanted it.

What would you have used the £5-10k you expected to be given, for @StereoTie ?

That’s exactly what i have said??? I said that women had more limited career and job opportunities in the past - do you not accept that?? Bizarre

I don't know that women the OP's age were all that limited career wise - I mean Theresa May is 4 years younger than the OP and she got to be Prime Minister.

Not trying to say women don't have it better now but women the OP's age definitely had the opportunity to work and earn money. My mother and most of her contemporaries did work and many had really good careers.

@ivykaty44

That's not a bad little supplement is it! Must be quite easy for short hours

Theresa May is childless and a high achiever. Women of that generation were of course discriminated against in the workplace and it’s totally bonkers that so many of you are determined to say otherwise. I didn’t say women didn’t have no opportunity to work. I said they had in general limited opportunities. Most women with children in the 70s and 80s did not work full time. Total denial to think this has not had an impact on their standard of living in retirement, in fact it’s well documented.

But your posts are trying to imply they couldn't work / didn't have the opportunity to work. That simply isn't true for any of the people I am friends with in their 60s, 70s, 80s, or 90s.
People make different choices, yes, but the idea you are trying to sell that a woman of only 70 couldn't have worked is simply not true.

My mother and several of her friendship group who are all v late 60s and 70s all worked full time and had children. You don't need to have been childless to have had a career/job in that generation.

Women of that generation were of course discriminated against in the workplace and it’s totally bonkers that so many of you are determined to say otherwise. I didn’t say women didn’t have no opportunity to work. I said they had in general limited opportunities. Most women with children in the 70s and 80s did not work full time. Total denial to think this has not had an impact on their standard of living in retirement, in fact it’s well documented.

Hang on @Eyerollcentral ! you're a bit out of date with your history.

I left uni in 1976 and started work. (I'm 2 years younger than the OP.)

I went into a profession and worked for 10 years before having my first child at 32, and went back to work p/t thereafter. This was a financial decision as DH was the highest earner and we didn't want to use full time child care.

(I'm still working now p/t.)

Many of my peers went into professions. I have friends who went into speech therapy, law, teaching, some branches of medicine (pharmacy), and who worked for decades. Several became head teachers.

There was always the option to invest in a private pension as there is now, up to the age of 75, even very small amounts of money.

Your post sounds as if you are talking about women of my Mum's generation- born in the 1920s.

Get up to speed with your social science.

Sorry but my posts don’t imply that at all. I’ve been explicit in saying women were restricted in terms of the opportunities open to them at that time and given examples such as having to leave the civil service when married. I have said my own mother worked in to her 70s. Not sure why you are wilfully ignoring those things

Excuse me, when you went to university what percentage of people in the UK went on to third level education? Under 10% if I recall correctly, I am happy to be corrected. So you were part of a quite small section of society that had those opportunities. Again I didn’t say women didn’t have opportunities to work or develop careers, I said they had restricted opportunities to do so. You can’t invest in a private pension unless you have the spare money to do so can you? Maybe get up to speed with your reading comprehension.

The marriage bar in the civil service was removed in 1946!

Again I didn’t say you did have to be childless in earlier generations to have a career. Theresa May was given as an example and I pointed out she was childless as well as being a high achiever.

It wasn’t in Northern Ireland dear

Even in NI it was removed in time for the OP to have had a career in the NI civil service dear

Sorry but my posts don’t imply that at all. I’ve been explicit in saying women were restricted in terms of the opportunities open to them at that time and given examples such as having to leave the civil service when married. I have said my own mother worked in to her 70s. Not sure why you are wilfully ignoring those things

You are very much out of date and posting misinformation.

Women who are 70 now, left university in the 1970s.

The marriage bar was abolished for teachers in 1944 and for the Civil Service in 1946 (Foreign Office was later.) It was made illegal for all professions in 1975 (and at that time applied to only a very few.)

I had friends, whose mothers were teaching and they would be in their 90s now, so your timeline doesn't make sense.

Stop calling posters 'dear'.

You are wrong.

If you want to talk about NI make that clear, love.

I would say totally up to her daughter, it's her win not her her mothers.

My MIL in her 70’s has a PHD in a stem subject and had a job at a university for many years.

my grandma an immigrant held many jobs working factories and had a pension. she moved to the UK in the late 50’s.

My mother had to leave the civil service in 1967 when she got married.

Ok. Marriage bar in NI lifted in 1973. If the OP is 70, she would have been 20, unlikely to have had time for a civil service career and marriage in NI. Your mum is clearly older which is probably part of your issue, dear