DH boring me constantly

[DHbore]

I’m really trying to be patient but DH has turned into a bore. We had solar panels fitted recently so now where possible we wait until the sun comes out to do the washing, put the dishwasher on etc. I understand this, it’s not complicated. However every day I get a running commentary on how much electricity we’ve generated, how much we’ve used, how much is in our battery and how much has gone to the grid. I’ve said that’s very interesting but I don’t need that level of detail.

we also recently bought a new car which is hybrid, when he’s a passenger and I’m driving he is looking at the dashboard to see whether the power is being drawn from the battery or from fuel. He then comments on how I only need to lightly touch the accelerator to maximise our battery usage and let the fuel last longer. I say that’s interesting- if I don’t respond he repeats himself and asked if I’ve heard him. He doesn’t seem to pick up on hints.

We are currently replacing the bathroom and he is organising the plumber and tiler (he loves project management this is part of his skill set), I am grateful and appreciative. He tells me every conversation or text between him and the workmen. I have suggested he just gives me the highlights such as costs and timescales. I’ve also said I’m happy to pick out tiles / bathroom furniture with him. Yet he continues to tell me that ‘Brian is having a lunch break now so he’ll call me later to discuss blah blah blah or he’ll need to keep reminding me what sort of shower head we are having fitted despite it never changing from the first time he told me.

He runs his own online business and tells me exactly what he’s sold that day down to how many chopping boards, how many bread bins, pepper pots and trivets.

I’m not uninterested in any of the above but am struggling to cope with the level of detail. Am I being unreasonable? If I ask him to stop talking at me he just carries on.

I’m a bloke, my opinion is he is boring, completely and utterly tediously boring. When people used to go to pubs, they were called pub bores - the Fast Show had a whole character based on one in the Nineties.

He is not autistic, he is not on the spectrum he is just a boring bloke and they are everywhere. Nobody wants to hang out with them, male or female - 99.9% of men like this do not fit any existing criteria for any autism spectrum disorder, we have to stop making excuses for blokes who can’t be bothered to learn and adopt basic social skills ffs - its a get out card for being lazy and boring and not taking interest in other people.

We are social animals all of us, we need social interaction to survive. Does he know he is boring, of course he does! He is a fully grown adult, he can change, every single human has the ability to change - they just can’t be bothered because they’ve never had to or been challenged to.

Believe me other men call men out for this all the time, at work, in the pub - and some blokes change. Some blokes have to because the changing nature of most jobs demands communication and social skills. But some just don’t change and can’t cope or leave, I think they must seek each other out in places where they can continue as they are.

The thing is, its very likely to be cultural- but its not a happy place to inhabit, to not have real connections with others and not enjoy a full life that simply investing in some skills to navigate life - and they are skills, most have them naturally but they can be learnt. It’s lonely, unfulfilling and sad and it is a self fulfilling prophecy - but change has to start with number one, he has too see the need to change and want it. You are not asking for the world, a quick google search will return three ways to speak to anyone in any environment- i learnt from my Mum at an early age (not my Dad he was boring as fuck, I vowed not to be lime that - my mum was hilarious and smart) three questions to ask anyone, where did you go to school, have you been on holiday, how are your family simply because most people went to a school, have family and most have been on some sort of holiday - its basic but if you can’t be bothered to even do that then fucking hell.

Ask him to change, explain why you want him to change, that the world is an amazing place if you join in. If he doesn’t, get rid, life's too short, you both deserve the best lives you can have, to be fulfilled and engaged with each other - to enjoy the circus that life is. Each and every single one of us is going to die, don’t waste more time.

Great post @lillkim500 and so very true.

I have one like this. He has two niche hobbies which I have absolutely no interest in and he will talk in detail about the technicalities for hours. I grew up with a dad like this and I’ve therefore managed to develop the skill of appearing to listen without listening. I even nod and say yes at the right times without hearing a single word. I use this time to compile the shopping list in my head or just to fantasise about holidays etc.