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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH boring me constantly

178 replies

DHbore · 19/02/2023 16:54

I’m really trying to be patient but DH has turned into a bore. We had solar panels fitted recently so now where possible we wait until the sun comes out to do the washing, put the dishwasher on etc. I understand this, it’s not complicated. However every day I get a running commentary on how much electricity we’ve generated, how much we’ve used, how much is in our battery and how much has gone to the grid. I’ve said that’s very interesting but I don’t need that level of detail.

we also recently bought a new car which is hybrid, when he’s a passenger and I’m driving he is looking at the dashboard to see whether the power is being drawn from the battery or from fuel. He then comments on how I only need to lightly touch the accelerator to maximise our battery usage and let the fuel last longer. I say that’s interesting- if I don’t respond he repeats himself and asked if I’ve heard him. He doesn’t seem to pick up on hints.

We are currently replacing the bathroom and he is organising the plumber and tiler (he loves project management this is part of his skill set), I am grateful and appreciative. He tells me every conversation or text between him and the workmen. I have suggested he just gives me the highlights such as costs and timescales. I’ve also said I’m happy to pick out tiles / bathroom furniture with him. Yet he continues to tell me that ‘Brian is having a lunch break now so he’ll call me later to discuss blah blah blah or he’ll need to keep reminding me what sort of shower head we are having fitted despite it never changing from the first time he told me.

He runs his own online business and tells me exactly what he’s sold that day down to how many chopping boards, how many bread bins, pepper pots and trivets.

I’m not uninterested in any of the above but am struggling to cope with the level of detail. Am I being unreasonable? If I ask him to stop talking at me he just carries on.

OP posts:
DHbore · 19/02/2023 18:52

AngelinaFibres · 19/02/2023 18:47

We had televisions. All I care about with a tv is how big is it and how much of the budget will it swallow. I don't care about any of its technical wonderment. I really don't.

He hums constantly as well, I just turn the TV up

OP posts:
DHbore · 19/02/2023 18:53

HaveYouSeenNancy · 19/02/2023 18:43

Does anyone else's dh bore other people? We were in a tea room today in a village we hadn't visited before and when I came back from the toilet dh was telling the couple on the next table about our next door neighbour's new air source heating, along with a little summary of our neighbour's life generally. It's a new development in the last 6 months since he turned 55, he just won't stop talking - same with one of my sister's dh. I don't mind when it's me, I zone out, but I was embarrassed today.

Anyway, is he 55 op?

Not far off 55 😂

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 19/02/2023 18:53

Does your office have a working lock? Can you tell him you're going to be in there for an hour after you come home from work and are not to be disturbed?

Your H needs to join a running group. Or go to a gym. Or do swimming. It's good to switch off the brain.

AngelinaFibres · 19/02/2023 18:54

DHbore · 19/02/2023 18:49

I definitely think he’s autistic. His drawers and wardrobes are categorised, he will buy 3, 4, or 5 of the same item of clothing. He has boxes of specific (same) new trainers in case when he needs to replace them and they may have been discontinued. I do a meal planner for the week on the white board, if I deviate because i don’t actually fancy spaghetti Bolognese on Wednesday, he needs to know in advance to ‘mentally prepare’. His carbs need to be on the right hand side of the plate, protein on the left and veg / salad in the lower third, you get the picture!

I don’t actually blame him, or feel disrespected, he’s clearly compelled to talk at me, just needed a vent 😂

We went to a cafe last weekend with our walking group. They were very very busy so the cakes arrived a long time before the drinks ( 40mins). There were 11 of us. Husband was the only one who sat with his cake untouched until his drink arrived. Utterly impossible for him to have coffee and cake without coffee present at the same time. They thought it was fascinating. Ots just him. That's how he is.

EmmaEmerald · 19/02/2023 18:54

My mum isn't quite the same, but she sometimes gets verbal diarrhoea. She used to talk at my dad, who was somehow able to tune it out. I can't.

I have actually even stopped her on a walk and said "PLEASE be quiet". Have you tried that?

HappyHealthy23 · 19/02/2023 18:54

My DH told me a 20-minute story about moving some rocks today. It wasn't even him moving the rocks! 😭

He does have ADHD though.

DHbore · 19/02/2023 18:55

HappyHealthy23 · 19/02/2023 18:54

My DH told me a 20-minute story about moving some rocks today. It wasn't even him moving the rocks! 😭

He does have ADHD though.

Ah bless him, I totally sympathise (with you)

OP posts:
Lentilweaver · 19/02/2023 18:57

DHbore · 19/02/2023 18:53

Not far off 55 😂

So is my DH! To be fair, I can be pretty boring too. But usually on more interesting subjects, I think, like Tudor history and ballet.

cryinginhmart · 19/02/2023 18:59

Well I guess if it’s not something you’re particularly bothered by then that’s fine. It worries me that men seem to apparently do this as they age. If that’s what’s in store I think I’ll give it a miss!

Thepeopleversuswork · 19/02/2023 18:59

@Pricklyheath

The stats are the killer though. Who cares how many points they all need.

oh God don't get me started on the stats.

I've had this explained to me so many times and he still seems not to be able to grasp that it's not that I'm stupid I just DONT CARE.

Courgeon · 19/02/2023 19:00

HaveYouSeenNancy · 19/02/2023 18:43

Does anyone else's dh bore other people? We were in a tea room today in a village we hadn't visited before and when I came back from the toilet dh was telling the couple on the next table about our next door neighbour's new air source heating, along with a little summary of our neighbour's life generally. It's a new development in the last 6 months since he turned 55, he just won't stop talking - same with one of my sister's dh. I don't mind when it's me, I zone out, but I was embarrassed today.

Anyway, is he 55 op?

A few of my friends when they've come round have commented on the speed, intensity and excess of his talking. It's exhausting. I just sit quietly as he's also a shocker for interrupting and being very animated when describing things and I can't interject into his constant verbal diarrhea. He does socialise but with the same 3 people in the same pub the same day every week and they all rant on about their obsessive interest. I can't stand that pub, where we live there are loads of brilliant bars, cafes and other quirky places and they choose to go to this really boring pub in a crappy area. I think it's because it has craft ales (but hasn't everywhere now!) And that's one of the obsessive interests.

bussteward · 19/02/2023 19:00

Earplugs and a periodic “mmm, mmm-hmmm, oh really? Mmm”.

squashyhat · 19/02/2023 19:01

My DH can be like this. I call 8t his 'lecturing mode'

He's a good cook and likes to do it, but every step has to be narrated. Sometimes I can put up with it - others I just say tell me when to lay the table and if you set the kitchen on fire - otherwise just get me a glass of wine and get on with it!

He's learning Japanese as we are going on holiday there later in the year. I'm proud of him - it's a difficult language and he's really into it, but a few times when he's deep in explaining some verb conjugation or other I've just interrupted him to ask whether he's learned to order beer yet or ask directions to the station - that's all he really needs to know Grin

Thepeopleversuswork · 19/02/2023 19:01

@cryinginhmart

It worries me that men seem to apparently do this as they age. If that’s what’s in store I think I’ll give it a miss!

I don't know about all men but it definitely is a bit of a male thing to become very anally interested in absurd levels of detail about a particular subject and to be unable to understand why other people don't share your interest.

Essentially it doesn't really matter whether its DIY or football or cars or thrash metal. The subject itself is unimportant it's the geeky degree of specialisation. I think every man I've ever been involved with has had a "thing" which he can bore for England about.

Mrstwiddle · 19/02/2023 19:03

DHbore
He jokingly says I’m his hobby

He's not joking.

That made me laugh, OP I couldn't put up with this but then I'm not the most patient. If you've told him that you're not interested and he still continues, then basically he thinks his needs are more important than yours.

DHbore · 19/02/2023 19:04

Thepeopleversuswork · 19/02/2023 18:59

@Pricklyheath

The stats are the killer though. Who cares how many points they all need.

oh God don't get me started on the stats.

I've had this explained to me so many times and he still seems not to be able to grasp that it's not that I'm stupid I just DONT CARE.

Oh yes, he is like the professor of stats, he knows percentages of everything, populations you name it, he knows it. He has even offered to do me a pie or Gant chart at times so I have a visual of what he’s explaining to me - he’s not joking either!

He was going on about weekly grocery expenditure a few months back so I thought for a laugh I’ll do him an excel spreadsheet on what things cost / frequency of item bought, competitor costs etc. Normally I’d be losing the will to live but was so excited about getting my own back…….unfortunately he loved it!

OP posts:
DHbore · 19/02/2023 19:05

Mrstwiddle · 19/02/2023 19:03

DHbore
He jokingly says I’m his hobby

He's not joking.

That made me laugh, OP I couldn't put up with this but then I'm not the most patient. If you've told him that you're not interested and he still continues, then basically he thinks his needs are more important than yours.

I don’t think he can help it though

OP posts:
Lentilweaver · 19/02/2023 19:06

Yes he can.

DHbore · 19/02/2023 19:06

bussteward · 19/02/2023 19:00

Earplugs and a periodic “mmm, mmm-hmmm, oh really? Mmm”.

I did put my sleep buds in the other day but he just spoke louder

OP posts:
Cakeandcardio · 19/02/2023 19:09

He might like taking to you and having conversations but as he doesn't get out much / doesn't see anyone then maybe he has nothing interesting to say (and doesn't realise it?).

RobertaFirmino · 19/02/2023 19:12

You have my sympathies-mine is a first class carpentry bore. Admittedly, he is excellent at what he does but my god, the pros and cons of using dovetail joints for somebody else's custom drawers (as in chest of, not knickers!) and the inevitable comments on other people's handiwork in bars, shops etc. is a nightmare.
I have two ways of dealing with this. First is to say 'Oh, a dovetail joint is complex? You should have said.'. The second is to bore him back. After all, Liverpool still have an outside chance of making the top 4 but that depends on City beating Arsenal beating Utd and goal difference and Salah, Nunez and Jota ad infinitum...

DonnaBanana · 19/02/2023 19:12

At least you know he won’t be cheating or lying because he’d end up telling you all about it.

DHbore · 19/02/2023 19:13

DonnaBanana · 19/02/2023 19:12

At least you know he won’t be cheating or lying because he’d end up telling you all about it.

Absolutely, if a woman even spoke to him he’d have to tell me all about it!

OP posts:
RobertaFirmino · 19/02/2023 19:16

DonnaBanana · 19/02/2023 19:12

At least you know he won’t be cheating or lying because he’d end up telling you all about it.

I know mine isn't cheating because if he was, he'd not be able to resist telling me how badly her doors had been hung or how the riser on the the third stair from the top of her staircase wasn't quite true.

ClosedAuraOpenMind · 19/02/2023 19:18

re the boilers. we have had no hot water since Wednesday. DH is currently 'researching' replacement water tanks that will be heat pump compatible - we don't have a heat pump boiler but apparently that's next - rather than just getting the hot water fixed. aaaaaargh