DH boring me constantly

[DHbore]

I’m really trying to be patient but DH has turned into a bore. We had solar panels fitted recently so now where possible we wait until the sun comes out to do the washing, put the dishwasher on etc. I understand this, it’s not complicated. However every day I get a running commentary on how much electricity we’ve generated, how much we’ve used, how much is in our battery and how much has gone to the grid. I’ve said that’s very interesting but I don’t need that level of detail.

we also recently bought a new car which is hybrid, when he’s a passenger and I’m driving he is looking at the dashboard to see whether the power is being drawn from the battery or from fuel. He then comments on how I only need to lightly touch the accelerator to maximise our battery usage and let the fuel last longer. I say that’s interesting- if I don’t respond he repeats himself and asked if I’ve heard him. He doesn’t seem to pick up on hints.

We are currently replacing the bathroom and he is organising the plumber and tiler (he loves project management this is part of his skill set), I am grateful and appreciative. He tells me every conversation or text between him and the workmen. I have suggested he just gives me the highlights such as costs and timescales. I’ve also said I’m happy to pick out tiles / bathroom furniture with him. Yet he continues to tell me that ‘Brian is having a lunch break now so he’ll call me later to discuss blah blah blah or he’ll need to keep reminding me what sort of shower head we are having fitted despite it never changing from the first time he told me.

He runs his own online business and tells me exactly what he’s sold that day down to how many chopping boards, how many bread bins, pepper pots and trivets.

I’m not uninterested in any of the above but am struggling to cope with the level of detail. Am I being unreasonable? If I ask him to stop talking at me he just carries on.

He can absolutely help it.

Does he bore the pants off his customers and suppliers?

Nobody is so socially maladept that they can blow right past a direct request to shut the fuck up and stop talking more than maybe twice.

If he does, then he needs to be signposted toward some sort of therapy.

This is why it's so important to have friends and other social groups. I have certain weird niche interests, so I try to join groups with the same interests and bore them instead, so I don't turn into a middle aged bore with my family.

I'm so glad I'm married to someone interesting.

Look he does sound incredibly dull. But in his defence...
'I say that’s interesting'
It doesn't matter that you're saying it with a tone that says I'd rather pull my own arm off than hear another word, it sounds like what he hears are your actual words, which are that it's interesting. You don't have to tell him quite how dull you find it all, but do find another generic platitude that doesn't risk encouraging more dry chat.

Oh dear, all of this sounds like me 😂 I've always been quite long winded, but it's got worse with wfh. And I feel even more free to be long winded around DH than around friends etc. I also tell my DH all about online forum stuff against his will 😅

"Turn the tables" won't work – the thing is I'm genuinely interested in every little detail about my DH's life and work too, and will listen/ask questions with rapt attention!

My DH tends to be polite (though his pain is obvious 😂) but my family has given me brutal feedback! What I did was make it a fun challenge to myself try to get the story/point across in less than 3 sentences (2 was too ambitious 😆). Just state the most interesting or relevant stuff!

I love listening to my OHs hyper fixations… maybe that’s just me! Usually true crime. I love how passionate he gets about stuff.

granted it’s not about spatulas or solar panels though…

You can encourage him to start a blog or write forum posts (which you'll promise to read of course... 🤭) for others with that special interest/hyperfocus, or for others in general. Mine constantly did in a nice way, but I never took him up on that suggestion!

He'd have to literally BE Paul Newman before I could feel this way.

get some headphoned or you might hit him.sounds so boring

You've just got me looking at wooden spoons on Amazon, OP. Is he Tradeco?

Oh God, I think this might be me with my DH. I wfh, he works long hours out of the house, no kids so I never really see anyone. I can feel myself waffling on about utter shite to him because I just need to talk and have human contact and I can sense he isn't listening. And I don't blame him! I am sure it's the same with your DH.

I couldn’t possibly say 😉

I do feel much better from reading all these responses. I’m being slightly unfair to him, he does say interesting things too but I had lost all insight. A new day and all that!

Be careful suggesting a hobby.

My husband got into cycling. He then became addicted.

He then started cycling in and out of work every day (about 30 miles)!

Every bloody night he'd get in and talk about his Strava stats and how long it took him to cycle up a certain hill, how fast he could do it compared with strangers who'd logged the speed on Strava, how many calories he burnt, his heart rate, whether he'd beaten his personal best speed, blah, blah, blah!

I was tempted to stick the bike where the sun don't shine!

My Mum is exactly like this and won't take ANY hints, people edging away- she follows them, changing the subject- she brings it back, telling her I've heard it before- tells it anyway, telling her I'm not interested- carries on. It's exhausting.

She also likes to list things, I've got lamb chops, pork chops, a bit of gammon, fish cakes, steak, cauliflower, broccoli, spuds....on and on.

Parallel conversations are your friend here. Whenever he starts, you begin a parallel conversation on a different (but equally boring) topic.

'I bought 200 chopping boards today'.
'What colour of skittle do you like best?'.
'I got them for a really good price'.
'Hmm, I think the red one'.
'They're going to be delivered on Monday so I'll need to make sure I'm in to take delivery'.
'I wish they'd put more red skittles in the packet, don't you?'.

And so on.

Listing things is my DP’s style. He doesn’t bore me with his hobbies as he knows I have no interest, but Christ almighty he seems to think I’m a Dictafone or notepad for his thoughts. Like he can’t keep hold of a domestic task or list unless he’s downloaded it to me: I’ll be sitting peacefully reading a book and he’ll come into the room and go, “Right, I’ve unloaded the dishwasher and out everything away, reloaded it, I’m going to tidy the kitchen later, first I’m going to the shop to get [lists everything]. Dinner tonight is the exact same thing we’ve talked about 300 times and that is also written down on the meal planner precisely so bussteward doesn’t have to hear about it, tomorrow it’s ditto but you’re going to hear about it anyway. Just need to go to the loo, change my contact lenses, put a jumper on and find my shoes, then I’ll go and…” On and on and on! I never get the brain space to daydream or contemplate because I’m always hearing that he’s going to the fucking loo or putting his fucking shoes on.

Yeah, but Skittle colours are interesting!😁

Mine likes to talk about Prog Rock too. As interesting as chopping boards.

I am a chatterbox so can fight fire with fire. At least I never feel guilty about going on about things, I am owed a lot of listening.

DH is obsessed with a certain pre war car. Luckily he has written a book and articles about it, so has a wider audience. He gets emails and phonecalls from fellow enthusiasts and they all talk among themselves. This is the best way...I mean, he will still tell me interesting snippets but generally will discuss things with his fellow nerds. I do love his enthusiasm, but not to the extent of it dominating our lives. Generally I find the trick is to start a conversation on something I am very interested in, and then he gets sucked in despite himself.

Does he listen to you when you want to talk about things? Or is he just using you a sounding board?

Pretty sure they'd have an inkling anyway 😉

This is unfair on you. I couldn't be arpund someone who talks at me to such an extent. Can you buy him a gaming headset or something and at least encourage him to socialise virtually?

My BIL is like this but DS deals with by telling him he can tell her once and once only. She gives him the option of telling her now or at another time so sometimes he saves it up so she can really pay attention to his very long, detailed monologue about some aspect of trains.

It's all done very kindly and gently and BIL accepts he can go on a bit so it works well for them.

I get interminable rants about politics. I'm quite interested in politics but this is a monologue and quite ranty. I tune out and think that he's basically a good bloke apart from that.

I also heartily encourage his bike rides and pub quiz night and lunch out with his blokey mates - who are all better at managing this/interested in it/tell him to shut up/there's more of them so it's dilute.