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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH boring me constantly

178 replies

DHbore · 19/02/2023 16:54

I’m really trying to be patient but DH has turned into a bore. We had solar panels fitted recently so now where possible we wait until the sun comes out to do the washing, put the dishwasher on etc. I understand this, it’s not complicated. However every day I get a running commentary on how much electricity we’ve generated, how much we’ve used, how much is in our battery and how much has gone to the grid. I’ve said that’s very interesting but I don’t need that level of detail.

we also recently bought a new car which is hybrid, when he’s a passenger and I’m driving he is looking at the dashboard to see whether the power is being drawn from the battery or from fuel. He then comments on how I only need to lightly touch the accelerator to maximise our battery usage and let the fuel last longer. I say that’s interesting- if I don’t respond he repeats himself and asked if I’ve heard him. He doesn’t seem to pick up on hints.

We are currently replacing the bathroom and he is organising the plumber and tiler (he loves project management this is part of his skill set), I am grateful and appreciative. He tells me every conversation or text between him and the workmen. I have suggested he just gives me the highlights such as costs and timescales. I’ve also said I’m happy to pick out tiles / bathroom furniture with him. Yet he continues to tell me that ‘Brian is having a lunch break now so he’ll call me later to discuss blah blah blah or he’ll need to keep reminding me what sort of shower head we are having fitted despite it never changing from the first time he told me.

He runs his own online business and tells me exactly what he’s sold that day down to how many chopping boards, how many bread bins, pepper pots and trivets.

I’m not uninterested in any of the above but am struggling to cope with the level of detail. Am I being unreasonable? If I ask him to stop talking at me he just carries on.

OP posts:
Anklespraying · 19/02/2023 18:12

How do you run a business selling spatulas?

Is his name John Lewis?

DHbore · 19/02/2023 18:14

ItsAllSoComplicated · 19/02/2023 18:08

He doesn’t seem to pick up on hints.
Stop hinting & tell him.

I’ve reached this level after 25 years. I have even occasionally blurted out ‘you’re boring me now’. DH is alone a lot, I spend my working day dealing with people face 2 face, so I want a bit of quiet when I get home!

Oh I do tell him, but instead of being offended he just talks about something else equally as tedious. We’ve also been married for 25 years and I think like you I have to talk to people all day in work and want to be quiet when I get home. But he can’t wait to chat to me as he works alone all day and only has the dogs for company who he also talks to

OP posts:
DHbore · 19/02/2023 18:16

Anklespraying · 19/02/2023 18:12

How do you run a business selling spatulas?

Is his name John Lewis?

He sells quite a wide portfolio of kitchenware, mainly on Amazon and eBay. He’s the second biggest wooden spoon vendor in the UK - ‘The Range’ has the top spot

surprising I know but true, people can’t quite believe makes a good living from it 😊

OP posts:
topcat2014 · 19/02/2023 18:17

My wife has a hobby business in the creative sector. I want it to be successful but have no creativity personally. Ergo I have no useful reply to any question...

And they never stop...

ClosedAuraOpenMind · 19/02/2023 18:17

OMG this is me. we got solar panels in Jan and DH got an electric vehicle. Since then this has been the bulk of his conversation.
apparently we gave away electricity to the national grid the other day...
no solutions, but you have my sympathy

picklemewalnuts · 19/02/2023 18:18

To be fair, it does sound fascinating...

maddiemookins16mum · 19/02/2023 18:18

My DH does this with books he’s reading. OMG, I get the whole story for ages.
I once made the mistake of asking about a GOT book he was reading. 80 mins of an overview drove me to drink.

Anklespraying · 19/02/2023 18:19

I'm so glad I'm single.

Pricklyheath · 19/02/2023 18:20

Thepeopleversuswork · 19/02/2023 17:32

@Pricklyheath

God I know more about Liverpool FC than I could ever have imagined.

My position on football is this: I don't mind watching the odd match and I'll pretend to be happy for him if Liverpool wins but I'm fucked if I want to know who's beating whom in other non-relevant matches. I said to him when we first met I am happy to be told if Liverpool has won/lost but if he talks to me about Man City being two up at half time against Chelsea I will go on a sex strike.

I have absolutely no need for that level of football detail.

Dh’s bil and nieces are Liverpool supporters, apparently they’re not doing too well atm.
Fortunately for me dh normally rings ds and they have a meaningful chat about football.
The stats are the killer though. Who cares how many points they all need.

DHbore · 19/02/2023 18:20

ClosedAuraOpenMind · 19/02/2023 18:17

OMG this is me. we got solar panels in Jan and DH got an electric vehicle. Since then this has been the bulk of his conversation.
apparently we gave away electricity to the national grid the other day...
no solutions, but you have my sympathy

Omg yes! He was livid about ‘giving away’ electricity but now he has got this sorted, apparently he’s been in contact with the solar panel people and the national grid and we now don’t ‘give it away’, what we give is then somehow taken off our bills- sorry I can’t be more specific I zoned out after the first sentence and started reading a book

OP posts:
Twawmyarse2 · 19/02/2023 18:21

I’m afraid at this point, after the nicey-nice approach, I would be shouting “FOR CHRISTS SAKE MAN, YOU’RE BORING THE ARSE OFF ME - FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!”

I seriously could not be doing with that and think it needs an extreme reaction to get him to take notice.

picklemewalnuts · 19/02/2023 18:21

Do you think, @DHbore , it's actually more about conversation dynamics generally?

It's not that he's boring, it's that he's not actually following the polite rule of relationship and turn taking in conversation. He's using you as an audience.

Suggest if he wants a full time listener he employs someone for the job, as you are using your brain for something else.

Or that as he's had 45 mins talking at you, he now needs to listen to you (or just be silent)?

I mean the menopause thing wasn't actually sweet. He could have asked you how he can support you rather than making it a special interest for him to research and pontificate about.

Twawmyarse2 · 19/02/2023 18:22

He’s the second biggest wooden spoon vendor in the UK - ‘The Range’ has the top spot

Surely this is quite outing to people who know you?! Now they’ll know what a boring twat he is 🤣🤣🤣

DHbore · 19/02/2023 18:24

maddiemookins16mum · 19/02/2023 18:18

My DH does this with books he’s reading. OMG, I get the whole story for ages.
I once made the mistake of asking about a GOT book he was reading. 80 mins of an overview drove me to drink.

I’ve just opened some of the mini baileys bottles left over from Christmas, he was telling me how he needs to repackage all his spoons as they are supposed to come in 6 per bag ready to sell, but alas they’re all loose! There are 3-4 THOUSAND that have been delivered this weekend so looks like we’ll all be packing wooden spoons this week hooray 😁

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/02/2023 18:24

Dh tried to talk to me about stationary gas engines once.

He only tried once. Be firm!

DisforDarkChocolate · 19/02/2023 18:24

Don't ever buy a fully electric car, you will be driven to murder.

DHbore · 19/02/2023 18:25

Twawmyarse2 · 19/02/2023 18:22

He’s the second biggest wooden spoon vendor in the UK - ‘The Range’ has the top spot

Surely this is quite outing to people who know you?! Now they’ll know what a boring twat he is 🤣🤣🤣

It’s ok, no one I work with knows what he does and everyone else in my life knows from first hand experience 🤣🤣

OP posts:
DHbore · 19/02/2023 18:28

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/02/2023 18:24

Dh tried to talk to me about stationary gas engines once.

He only tried once. Be firm!

He’d probably get on like a house on fire with my DH!

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/02/2023 18:29

DisforDarkChocolate · 19/02/2023 18:24

Don't ever buy a fully electric car, you will be driven to murder.

We have a fully electric car.

We once spent 3 hours not speaking to each other and trying to find a charger to get us the 200 miles home.

AngelinaFibres · 19/02/2023 18:29

He sounds like my husband. Mr Fibres is autistic. Sounds very much like your husband is too. When he tells a story I often zone out because it takes so long to get through it that I have lost the will to live. His sister is also autistic and he does the same when she is telling the world's most detailed story so he can't really be offended if I do the same. He has many brilliant qualities.

Chrimbob · 19/02/2023 18:30

Anklespraying · 19/02/2023 18:12

How do you run a business selling spatulas?

Is his name John Lewis?

You could be OP's DH's new hobby buddy. He can regale you with tales of spatulas and other assorted kitchen utensils.

AngelinaFibres · 19/02/2023 18:30

DisforDarkChocolate · 19/02/2023 18:24

Don't ever buy a fully electric car, you will be driven to murder.

Or an air source heat pump.

DHbore · 19/02/2023 18:31

AngelinaFibres · 19/02/2023 18:29

He sounds like my husband. Mr Fibres is autistic. Sounds very much like your husband is too. When he tells a story I often zone out because it takes so long to get through it that I have lost the will to live. His sister is also autistic and he does the same when she is telling the world's most detailed story so he can't really be offended if I do the same. He has many brilliant qualities.

I believe he is definitely on the spectrum. Like your husband he also does have brilliant qualities. I shouldn’t moan but sometimes it’s just too much 😂

OP posts:
magnifying · 19/02/2023 18:32

I assume he works from home? If you're the only adult human in his life, he's probably storing it all up for you! I think you have to tell him...be gentle but tell him he needs to get some friends outside the home because he's driving you a bit bonkers!

There's bound to be local interest groups where he can chatter away on his favourite subjects!?

DHbore · 19/02/2023 18:33

AngelinaFibres · 19/02/2023 18:30

Or an air source heat pump.

Oh that reminds me, he’s currently researching heat pumps to replace gas, but apparently an air source heat pump boiler is currently about £10k so he’s keeping his eye on when / if it comes down in price, I really I shared his enthusiasm but sadly I don’t

OP posts:
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