DH boring me constantly

[DHbore]

I’m really trying to be patient but DH has turned into a bore. We had solar panels fitted recently so now where possible we wait until the sun comes out to do the washing, put the dishwasher on etc. I understand this, it’s not complicated. However every day I get a running commentary on how much electricity we’ve generated, how much we’ve used, how much is in our battery and how much has gone to the grid. I’ve said that’s very interesting but I don’t need that level of detail.

we also recently bought a new car which is hybrid, when he’s a passenger and I’m driving he is looking at the dashboard to see whether the power is being drawn from the battery or from fuel. He then comments on how I only need to lightly touch the accelerator to maximise our battery usage and let the fuel last longer. I say that’s interesting- if I don’t respond he repeats himself and asked if I’ve heard him. He doesn’t seem to pick up on hints.

We are currently replacing the bathroom and he is organising the plumber and tiler (he loves project management this is part of his skill set), I am grateful and appreciative. He tells me every conversation or text between him and the workmen. I have suggested he just gives me the highlights such as costs and timescales. I’ve also said I’m happy to pick out tiles / bathroom furniture with him. Yet he continues to tell me that ‘Brian is having a lunch break now so he’ll call me later to discuss blah blah blah or he’ll need to keep reminding me what sort of shower head we are having fitted despite it never changing from the first time he told me.

He runs his own online business and tells me exactly what he’s sold that day down to how many chopping boards, how many bread bins, pepper pots and trivets.

I’m not uninterested in any of the above but am struggling to cope with the level of detail. Am I being unreasonable? If I ask him to stop talking at me he just carries on.

You're right, I’m the only other adult human, unfortunately he doesn’t do ‘people’, suffers terrible social anxiety and after any social occasion lasting more than a couple of hours he needs to go to bed from sheer exhaustion. Joining a group is not feasible for him

"I've said that's very interesting..."
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We have oil heating at the moment. We can't have an air source heat pump because of some valid reason. I cant tell you what it is because I zoned out. 😂

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My ex used to be like this about guitars and amps. I literally could not make him understand that it wasn’t a conversation, it was him talking at me about something I had absolutely no interest in or knowledge of. I couldn’t even build knowledge of it because every time he spoke about it my brain switched off. I don’t mind it occasionally but when it’s for ages and frequently it’s too much.

My current partner is obsessed with warhammer and also a musician and I can count on one hand the amount of times he’s told me something about warhammer without me asking.

Have you actually sat down with him and had a proper conversation about it? What do you say when he says “you are interested in it!”

My DH can be like this. Thankfully he used to be able to drone on at his engineering about his various home improvement and car projects, and they seemed to quite enjoy it, so I was spared the brunt of it.

When he took on a job that was fully remote, no more daily chats with colleagues, I gave him an ultimatum. He needs to go out with a friend at least once per week. I CANNOT be his only link to the outside world. I WILL NOT listen non stop to his descriptions of various coding projects. He can give me the 3-line summary of his coding triumphs and I will genuinely celebrate with him, but I do not want the details. I’m direct with him and it typically works.

In order to make this fair, I do try to suggest topics that will be equally interesting to both of us, e.g., politics, our DCs, places we would like to travel… so I don’t shut down all conversations, I just try to make them mutually enjoyable.

I have told him I’m disinterested but he seems to forget. 5 minutes later he’ll say the same thing but use different words

The novelty will wear of a bit with solar panels. My DH is also obsessed. I am quite excited too and have the app on my phone which shows when we are off grid. However, I think you need to gently explain that you do not find it all interesting in the detail he gives and it is doing your head in. Could he find an online forum for solar enthusiasts or something?

But have you had an actual proper substantial conversation about how you feel disrespected when he doesn’t listen to you, and about how he doesn’t listen or change - and how he’s expecting you to listen endlessly to him but won’t ever take on board anything you say?

Telling him you’re disinterested clearly isn’t getting the message across. Personally I couldn’t live with this.

I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this but is there a possibility he could be autistic? I’m not saying autistic people are boring OBVIOUSLY, but it sounds a bit like he’s info dumping, combined with being unable to see your point of view and also being very anxious socially. I had another ex who was autistic and the amount I heard about films I had never seen was actually almost impressive.

Oh god he’s constantly on forums - then he tells me all about it!

Does anyone else's dh bore other people? We were in a tea room today in a village we hadn't visited before and when I came back from the toilet dh was telling the couple on the next table about our next door neighbour's new air source heating, along with a little summary of our neighbour's life generally. It's a new development in the last 6 months since he turned 55, he just won't stop talking - same with one of my sister's dh. I don't mind when it's me, I zone out, but I was embarrassed today.

Anyway, is he 55 op?

I have this exact same issue. I spend much of my day talking and communicating and being around other people. He WFH alone. He's a natural very sociable extrovert. He goes into far far too much detail and I've noticed since WFH everything house related is a bit of a drama as his world has shrunk so much. I WFH about 2 days a week and he'll peck my head telling me word for word about an email conversation between him and a colleague. Drives me mad and has led to arguments as I'll end up snapping at him. He also sings as he moves around the house and sneezes and coughs very loudly. I just want some peace and quiet, as do both DC (teenagers).

He has "form" for his overly detailed stories in his friendship group, who think it's amusing but it's not so amusing to live with all the time.

He's researching new washing machines currently so I'm hearing about all the exciting details. Every purchase takes at least a couple of months of detailed research and lots of detailed accounts of different models/specs.

Get him a dog;a dog will love to sit and listen to his endless prattle;do it to save your sanity before you insert a bamboo chopping where the son doesn't shine.

When he took on a job that was fully remote, no more daily chats with colleagues, I gave him an ultimatum. He needs to go out with a friend at least once per week. I CANNOT be his only link to the outside world. I WILL NOT listen non stop to his descriptions of various coding projects. He can give me the 3-line summary of his coding triumphs and I will genuinely celebrate with him, but I do not want the details. I’m direct with him and it typically works.

I am trying to do this with Dh but doesn't work as he has no friends, does not "people" and now WFH full time. I think many men get like this in their fifties. It's very unhealthy. But he wont change it, so at the very least, I refuse to listen to his strange obsessions and just leave the room.

I think it's a lot of pressure on you to be his only base for discussion and one of his only sources of social interaction. He may think it's nice to say that he doesn't 'need' anyone else or need to search out hobbies because he has you - but it's not fair on you. I think in the kindest way - I would tell him this and say that for the good of both of your mental health he needs to make moves to extend his social circle. I have had to say the same to my DH - I have realised I can't be everything to him, it isn't healthy for either of us.

I would also wonder if he is having some anxiety and low mood surrounding the cost of living crisis as he is sounding very caught up on saving.

We had televisions. All I care about with a tv is how big is it and how much of the budget will it swallow. I don't care about any of its technical wonderment. I really don't.

Yes, men often take great pride in not needing friends and not needing to go out and all of that. DH doesn't have social anxiety, but he is simply not interested in socialising. Which means I am the only sounding board.

They already have two dogs.

Awe bless him he probably gets so excited about you coming home from work so he can tell you these things. I think the thing is while your out the house all day your talking to lots of different people so when you get home you want some peace as he's the opposite and hasn't had anyone to talk to all day and is desperate for conversation

I definitely think he’s autistic. His drawers and wardrobes are categorised, he will buy 3, 4, or 5 of the same item of clothing. He has boxes of specific (same) new trainers in case when he needs to replace them and they may have been discontinued. I do a meal planner for the week on the white board, if I deviate because i don’t actually fancy spaghetti Bolognese on Wednesday, he needs to know in advance to ‘mentally prepare’. His carbs need to be on the right hand side of the plate, protein on the left and veg / salad in the lower third, you get the picture!

I don’t actually blame him, or feel disrespected, he’s clearly compelled to talk at me, just needed a vent 😂

Exactly, you’re right, I shouldn’t moan really he’s not a bad egg

Even the dogs vacate the room sometimes…..

DH has got a lot worse with this since turning 50 and I've noticed it with his friends too. I do think middle aged mens world's shrink and they become more insular. I've insisted on him getting a job where he goes to an office and communicates with other people at least 1 day a week (he does contracts) as the current situation was affecting all of our mental health.

Well that's really anti social and rude. When you come home would you ignore a dog?
Make that catch up time.

The car next time stop and tell him to walk. I've done this, it works

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