About not moving on the train?

[TrainSitu]

I’ve recently had shoulder surgery but I am now out of a sling so I guess I don’t look injured. I’m sat at a table seat on the train to get back to my work area after visiting my dad.

I’ve got my backpack on the table and my big bag was put up on the top by a lovely man who offered to put it up. We get to the next station and it’s absolutely heaving and a mother with 3 kids gets on. Everyone files into seats and someone sits opposite me. She then approaches and asks if the other 2 seats are reserved. I said no and she could have them and sat the kids down. She then looks and me and say says “I’ve got 3 children who need a seat please can they have yours” I said no I’ve recently had shoulder surgery and still recovering so standing on a packed train would be too painful. She then continually said “ I have 3 kids though”

At this point I said “I’m not particularly bothered by the amount of kids you have but I will be staying in this seat as I need it too if you have any issues please go speak to the train conductor” The look she gave me could kill!

So AIBU for not moving? The original guy who put my bag in the overhead rack ended up telling her to leave me alone as she kept repeating about her 3 kids. I feel like a cow bag but a justified one!

NC for this so it can’t be linked to any previous threads.

www.mirror.co.uk/travel/i-refused-give-up-train-29260003?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=mirror_main

YANBU
I remember the days when we were younger travelling to Scotland with my mum (I have 2 bothers so mum and 3 kids!). We were often told to squeeze in one seat or would end up on mum's lap or even in the luggage cart when it got busy! Would never dream of kicking someone out of their pre,booked seat for my child to sit down!

I would tell her as I didnt make her pregnany 3 times I am not responsible for her children

Without getting into general priority or etiquette around seats, which is a subject subject to much debate...

What on earth does it teach her kids to see her treating someone (temporarily) disabled in that way?!?! Like, how self centred is she?!?!
There was no suggestion that any of her party would be in pain to stand and yet she thought you should be to make way for them?!? Wow, just wow....

ancientgran · Yesterday 09:12

Don't know who taught you to drive, my instructor taught me that you drive using your gears and should only need to break suddenly if someone runs out in front if you leave a proper gap between you and the car in front.

You get marked down for short shifting, or engine braking, these days. This is because it uses the clutch as a braking point, increasing wear and because it sucks excess fuel through as you slow, which is ecologically unsound.

I got my single minor point for that, on my car test in 2008. 20 odd years on bikes before that and my car instructor never told me not to!

There would be no reason for you to move even if you hadn’t had surgery. They’re children, not elderly or disabled. Children can share a seat or sit on their parent’s lap surely

Whilst I do agree that op was right not to move. I would not tell my children to give their seat to an adult unless that adult was elderly/pregnant/disabled. Children are far more likely to be flung around with sudden jolts or stops than an able bodied adult. Whoever has the seat, keeps the seat unless a less able bodied person get on and they wish to give it up.
I wonder why op name changed though? Does this contradict previous encounters??

Even if you didn't have a shoulder injury why should you stand up as you were there first? If she/they were disabled, pregnant or very elderly then yes that would be a reasonable request. She can take one of the children on her lap/stand up herself. Like other posters, I was taught to stand up for adults on public transport when I was a child.

Well, I feel that you had complete right to your seat. A 10 year old child can stand. If it was the other way around I would have expected them to offer their seat to you if you were standing. What happened to me was also a busy train, a lady sat on one seat with her BAG next to her on the seat beside her. I asked her if I could sit where her bag was. She replied no, she didn’t want anyone to sit next to her! I was so stunned by the bare faced cheek that I was dumbstruck. So, YAVMNBU!

Some of younsay that children should stand, and I agree! But this is not about the children, it's about the mother claiming seats for the children. Probably they are really embarassed. I hope for them it's a lesson how nót to travel.

No way, she was being an extremely entitled CF.

I would never have asked anyone to give up their seat even for a young child, totally unreasonable that she can expect to seat herself and 3 DC >10 at a table she didn’t book.

Glad the other passenger had your back.

Cheeky bitch. At one time kids got up to let adults sit down.kids are too entitled nowadays

YANBU at all! That's just being entitled. Chances are she thought you were putting it on and hadn't really had an injury of any kind. I've had this myself with my disability before it put me in the wheelchair but even then, if I boarded the train and it was full, I'd stand and suffer the consequences. In fact a trip to see family with my young siblings and their mum on a rammed train meant that we were stuck by the train door packed in like sardines so I knelt down on the spot next to the pushchair in the corner by the door to stop from collapsing at all, and as seating became free we then moved to them as a family and not before.

Especially as her kids appeared 10+ and all carrying sports attire meant she was doubly cheeky and doubly entitled.

I hope you heal well from your surgery.

Cheeky bitch should have reserved if she wanted all her kids to sit down. Once you said no (and you don’t have to justify why), she should cease harassing you and suck it up!

I had to stand from reading to Birmingham when I was 32 weeks pregnant - we had decided to get an earlier train home so weren’t able to reserve and all the other seats were occupied. Yes I was in pain but I didn’t try and turf people out of their seats.

Good Lord no, I definitely wouldn't have moved and I'd have given her an earful about teaching her well-able-to-stand kids with the impression that any adult should give up their seat for them!

@katenutzs haha, yes, "do I look like their dad?". 😂

I'd have said, "Tough shit, your bag hasn't paid for a ticket and I have!" and moved her bag for her.

How bloody rude!

Oh you poor thing! I am also disabled and don't look it. please don't feel bad for sticking to your guns, this was not a pregnant of breast feeding Mum, just an entitled one

Quite right to put her down.

If she had specific seat requirements, she should have booked them.

Never, not your problem!

She was a major CF to ask you to stand so her children and her could have the table (would be sympathetic if they were all under 5 but 10+???).

but then to keep pestering you once you told her that you had an injury and required the seat? What an absolute POS. You are definitely not unreasonable.

I totally get the exhaustion of being out with the kids and wanting to have them sit on the train, but the hierarchy of seat giving up goes thusly:

1. Elderly or clearly disabled
2. mild to moderately injured
3. pregnant women
4. Adults with small children, but entirely at the discretion of the person who was there first. Your having kids isn't my problem.

definitely not being unreasonable!! I don't get the kid needing seat thing? Put one on your lap or let them stand...

@TrainSitu
When I was a kid, my mother made us "double up" or give up the seat for an adult. as did I with mine
When did this give your seat up for a child begin?

just curious...were they all masked?