About not moving on the train?

[TrainSitu]

I’ve recently had shoulder surgery but I am now out of a sling so I guess I don’t look injured. I’m sat at a table seat on the train to get back to my work area after visiting my dad.

I’ve got my backpack on the table and my big bag was put up on the top by a lovely man who offered to put it up. We get to the next station and it’s absolutely heaving and a mother with 3 kids gets on. Everyone files into seats and someone sits opposite me. She then approaches and asks if the other 2 seats are reserved. I said no and she could have them and sat the kids down. She then looks and me and say says “I’ve got 3 children who need a seat please can they have yours” I said no I’ve recently had shoulder surgery and still recovering so standing on a packed train would be too painful. She then continually said “ I have 3 kids though”

At this point I said “I’m not particularly bothered by the amount of kids you have but I will be staying in this seat as I need it too if you have any issues please go speak to the train conductor” The look she gave me could kill!

So AIBU for not moving? The original guy who put my bag in the overhead rack ended up telling her to leave me alone as she kept repeating about her 3 kids. I feel like a cow bag but a justified one!

NC for this so it can’t be linked to any previous threads.

I wouldn’t have asked, I would have sat one of my kids on my knee if they were small enough or gave them my seat & stood. Some people are just rude! Good for you for standing your ground x

YANBU

She was being cheeky and obviously thought you were a soft touch. I've got a sciatica flare up at the moment and if I was sitting I wouldn't get up either

So with a poorly shoulder, you'd stand up and risk injury rather than sit in a 4 person table seat even though you'd be quite happy to let someone past you to sit down? Why?

They're was as moment when I thought you were going to put one of your kids in OPs knee then...

I was standing on a packed tube a few days ago seething at a couple of families - 1 had a toddler in a separate seat who could easily have sat on one of the parent's lap, another had older children fighting over which of them got seats, the parent already had one. I wouldn't have taken their seats anyway because I had a child in a pushchair so could only have taken a corner seat, but there were plenty of other people who could have used one and looked in more need.

IMO, if there are no spare seats then a child small enough to sit on an adult's lap should do so (or stand if they don't want to) and a child too big for that is old enough to stand. Obviously some kids have invisible disabilites too, but in general that would be my rule. I did break it twice recently: once we'd had a really long journey and I'd had a seat when teenage DD stood, so on the next train I let her have the only spare seat and I stood; and when taking my toddler niece I let her have a seat and I stood because she was overtired and under the weather and I wanted to avoid disturbing everyone with a tantrum (there were actually a few spare seats that time but not two together and I obviously couldn't leave her). But in both cases we only took up one seat between us. What bothers me is a family insisting on taking up multiple seats so that all the adults and children can sit even though other people have to stand.

How disgusting of you to even consider saying such a thing.

Haven’t RTFT but having multiple children myself, she should have given them the seats and stood herself.

I also make the smaller ones share a seat and if they don’t like it they can stand.

@SlaveToTheVibe I once knew a woman who spoke like @ShakespearesBlister , she really was a bitter old thing.

We sometimes felt sorry for her as she had few friends, and was very unpopular in the office. Mostly we avoided her as she was too unpleasant to engage with.

YANBU!

and I say that as a mother of 7.
it's ok to ask people if they'd mind moving - done that, been asked that. no issues.
but to insist after you gave them a very valid reason?
that's just rude and selfish.

please don't feel bad.

IMO, if there are no spare seats then a child small enough to sit on an adult's lap should do so (or stand if they don't want to) and a child too big for that is old enough to stand.

This is a sensible & clear principle. Excellent!

Her three kids could have sat down and she could have stood!!!
You did nothing wrong! Well done for standing your ground.

Don't know who taught you to drive, my instructor taught me that you drive using your gears and should only need to break suddenly if someone runs out in front if you leave a proper gap between you and the car in front.

If you slow down using your gears rather than your brakes, the driver behind you gets no warning. Brake lights are there for a reason.

You're right, for most medical appointments I'm asked if x time and date works and I very rarely have an appointment that can't be changed

lucky you.

I’ve been told I have a 40 week wait for an appointment. I ain’t gonna change it to some mythical time without kids on the bus just incase the bus is full. No way.

if I’m on a bus, I will gladly give my seat to an older person, a pregnant woman or anyone with a walking aid/visible disability.

as a daily bus user for over 50 years, I don’t reckon kids are more vulnerable. They have less far to fall than an adult, have a smaller body mass than an adult (less velocity) and their bones are less likely to break in an accident. Plus they will be with an adult, who can hold onto them.

Read so many post's like this on trains and planes recently. Have people become more entitled?
Boarded a flight last year, we booked row 1 seats and found someone sat in one of ours.

My husband informed them they were sat in one of our precooked extra legroom seats, the man of the couple started to say something, my husband just said ill stop you there, whatever it is I'm not interested , please move to your allocated seat.. he moved. End of.

this is going off on a tangent however it doesn't matter - the car behind should have enough space built in for reaction time, plus you should read the road. Red light ahead, car in front will be slowing down regardless of whether you see their brake lights or not.

Also think it's bizarre as hell some posters harping on about how badly injured a child might be if a bus/train suddenly brakes. Obviously everyone is at risk of being hurt in this scenario, but I would bet money that the people least likely to be seriously injured are a child, versus the elderly/frail or pregnant women. Not saying a child won't get hurt, but the risk of injury to the elderly will be much greater with things like hip fractures etc from falling, or for a pregnant woman to suffer a placental abruption from hitting her bump. Much less likely to cause serious damage to a child who might take a tumble (although still unpleasant for them naturally) 🙄

as a daily bus user for over 50 years, I don’t reckon kids are more vulnerable. They have less far to fall than an adult, have a smaller body mass than an adult (less velocity) and their bones are less likely to break in an accident. Plus they will be with an adult, who can hold onto them.

And they have a lower centre of gravity and therefore will tend to be more stable.

Yes, if someone runs out in front of you then you would have to stamp on the brakes. Which is why the occupants of a car are strapped in to prevent them face-planting the headrests of the seats in front.

Trains can't stop anything like as quickly as a car - they would go into a slide. Therefore even with emergency braking the deceleration is much less. If your grandchild is too small to hold on to a solid object themselves then you should either hold onto them or sit them on your lap.

I have kids and never would I ever expect someone to give up a seat for them . I would however expect certainly the older one to give up his seat for someone else. This woman was rude, entitled and completely wrong

The irony too that I have just gotten off the bus where a woman was giving me evil stares for daring to sit in the wheel chair user space - until my colleague loudly starting asking how I am feeling with my pregnancy and hips. I can just about still pass for being fat and not actually pregnant in some winter coats still. And yes, should a wheel chair user have gotten on, I would have moved as I am not a self absorbed twat - but thankfully, none did 😆 although I doubt this lady would have moved and offered her seat given her death stares, and she is probably on this thread tutting at people

Tbf I don't think the people saying a child would get hurt are talking about on comparison of to someone physically vulnerable but in regards to an able bodied, fit adult.
My 7 yo is likely to be daydreaming and not holding on properly and no idea how well my 3 yo twins could actually hold on. For a physically vulnerable person I'd leave twins in one seat, make 7 yo stand and I'd stand in front of twins. For a person as for and able as me I wouldn't unless they asked. If DS and I were standing and I'd got the twins pinned into one seat, I reckon there's someone else more able to give up a seat.

Peak Mumsnet

Although I appreciate your response and what you would personally do, which are totally responsible things that any sane and normal adult would do, a previous poster quoted me saying she would expect me to stand at 7 months pregnant with pgp so her DC could sit, because her DC are at greater risk of injury than I am. Which is totally batshit imo lol

Stand for a child? You must be joking. My kids were taught to stand for others as soon as they were too big to sit on a knee.

Weren’t the kids of “10+” embarrassed by all this carry on? Mine would have disappeared to the other end of the carriage as soon as I opened my mouth. I somehow don’t think story adds up. I just can’t imagine three great hulking lads sitting there while some poor sod has to give up his seat.

Fight fire with fire