To take DD back to the GP for her weight

[christmassedout]

DD has just turned 9 and is very overweight. We've been trying to tackle it through diet and exercise since xmas. Her belly has been huge for a while now, if it was smaller she still wouldn't be slim, but it looks enormous in proportion to the rest of her. We were really struggling to buy clothes to fit her because of it.

She's had a growth spurt since Christmas and seems to have slimmed down around her arms and legs. Her weight has dropped slightly. But she's measuring even bigger around the belly.

I've taken her to the GP before and they were very dismissive. I would really like them to do some kind of tests to make sure there isn't anything else going on, DP thinks it's only been two months and they'll say she's just overweight.

What I'm not sure I fully understand is you say she's got a large waist, but then her waist is almost the same size as her hip

I wouldn't expect a 9yo to have significantly different waist to hip, especially if we are measuring actually not her waist but the largest point of her belly. A 9yo who is significantly bloated I would expect their waist to be larger than the hip. This sort of suggests it's not just a large stomach

However, you are clearly concerned. And I don't think anyone on MN can reassure you. The next step is the gP

@CarPoor A hip measurement also includes your bum, so you could have narrow hips looking front on but still measure bigger around.

What a shitty horrible comment! I have reported your post @crispsandnuts!
How dare you suggest that people who are overweight don't deserve to love themselves you are utterly vile

I would still expect them to be relatively the same in an overweight 9yo, a bloated 9yo I would expect to have a larger waist to hip even accounting for bum

I recall your earlier thread.
I’d go back to Gp with facts (weight and waist measurement) and ask for blood tests and a referral as you are concerned. It’s not normal for waist to grow if she’s lost weight.

I'm apple shaped, so my tummy is the first place I gain weight, and the last place I lose it from. When I'm overweight everywhere I don't look pregnant, but when I start losing weight I do because it's the last place to go! As a teenager my round tummy was always my biggest hang up, puberty blessed me with big boobs but no hips or bum, and I remained squidgy in the middle. I have never had a flat tummy, when I was underweight I was skinny everywhere else but still had a little pot belly. Nothing has ever got rid of it. I think it is partly my body shape, but I do also suffer with ovarian cysts, endometriosis and IBS so I think that all contributes to the roundness, like I'm always slightly swollen in that area, as well as it being the area I put weight on.

Yes I also put weight in round my waist very quickly when eating too much sugar and refined carbs. Which is exactly what’s happening here.

You seem to want it to be something other than diet, by all means go to the GP and demand extra tests, but my feeling is that eating as badly as she’s eating for half the time is the problem.

you need to get her dad on side. or she does. Or the courts do! But at the moment her diet is still on the wrong side of healthy

@justgettingthroughtheday I didn't say obese people shouldn't love themselves. I said I wouldn't personally love myself.

This thread is about health and concern for a 9 year old and I was responding to a poster who suggested that being overweight should be ignored.

I am not vile thank you, read my posts again

If it’s the one I’m thinking of, she died some time after. She had several threads going over a year or so.

The medical profession disagrees with you.

Being obese, loving yourself and trying to do something about your weight are not mutually exclusive concepts. You can be all 3 at the same time.

I've made her a GP appointment, but it's not for a few weeks. I'm going to look into private options.

I've never measured her hips, I'm going off clothing store size guides. Her belly is definitely out of proportion with her hips. She can get leggings in a child's size on comfortably, but her belly is too big to fit into the waistband. It doesn't look firm, it looks loose and squishy. There's just too much of it to fit.

I've been reading up on diet and weight gain, and apparently trans fats in the kinds of foods she eats a lot of at her dad's don't just cause weight gain, they actually redistribute fat from other parts of the body to the belly. She spent a lot more time than usual at her dad's both times she piled on weight quickly. The trouble is he will not change their diet.

Does he not notice the weight gain? Does he have a partner or parent who could take some sense into him?

maybe the continue to habe problems because of the shit they get as children whcich creates disordered eating,not being able to no how to fuel themselves.restriction and binge tendences.
maybe becasue they are bullied by a aociety that wouldnt accept them.
maybe because healthcare and society is biased and so treats people who are bigger like shit.
maybe because they were restricted some foods so dont no now how to just be balanced.so the cycle of binge and restrict and even eating disorders continues.
ao i wonder if those stues took into account how many of those people were bullied.treated like shit for thwir weight. how many have disrodered eating.how many have trauma or emotional problems due to it.
how many live work grown up in certain circumstances that mean they have less money,choice,lifes that can serve them to look after eacohter.and themselves.

How often does she spend at Dads?

It will be an uphill battle but if he is refusing to feed her nothing but junk I would look at going back to court to restrict access it’s abuse and just plain cruel to your poor DD

You sound like you are doing a great job op in looking after and protecting your daughter

Are you really so dense that you don't know 9 year olds can have periods? That a 9 year old can be raped by a man and that man can come inside her? Wise up yourself.

I've just found out she often has seconds at school lunch, so I'm going to switch her over to packed lunches. But she is definitely losing weight, it's just her belly that's getting bigger.

She's definitely not pregnant.

She's usually at her dad's one night a week and eow, but she's going to be spending the whole of the easter break with him. I'm honestly scared of how much weight she might pile on then.

I'm not interested in letting her be fat and calling it body positivity. Her GP has said she's at risk of diabetes, heart disease etc and she struggles to walk a couple of miles. It doesn't matter if she's happy getting bigger and bigger or not.

She's seriously being neglected here then.

I'm very aware her dad is neglecting her. I just haven't been able to do anything about it.

Is there any scope for referral to school nurse team or dietitian. If they see her before and after Easter and she’s gained weight under his sole care could you use that to ask the court to revisit contact arrangements.

To be honest in your position I would try and reduce how long she goes for at Easter if you can.

EOW and 1 night a week should be manageable if her other meals are healthy.

Does your daughter want to see her dad as if she didn't it could be the angle to reduce the time spent together. He sounds like an arse.

If it’s only one night per week and EOW, I’d be amazed if that’s the cause of the weight gain you describe.

I was saying that this is what he thinks

Its the equivalent of the Disney Dad but with the emphasis of eat all the rubbish food you like, all the stuff your mum restricts.

Children do eventually see through it but the normal Disney Dad type stuff doesn’t impact the child’s health