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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To take DD back to the GP for her weight

205 replies

christmassedout · 19/02/2023 15:54

DD has just turned 9 and is very overweight. We've been trying to tackle it through diet and exercise since xmas. Her belly has been huge for a while now, if it was smaller she still wouldn't be slim, but it looks enormous in proportion to the rest of her. We were really struggling to buy clothes to fit her because of it.

She's had a growth spurt since Christmas and seems to have slimmed down around her arms and legs. Her weight has dropped slightly. But she's measuring even bigger around the belly.

I've taken her to the GP before and they were very dismissive. I would really like them to do some kind of tests to make sure there isn't anything else going on, DP thinks it's only been two months and they'll say she's just overweight.

OP posts:
christmassedout · 19/02/2023 21:10

I don't want to post photos of her.

She can fit into Primark age 12-13 leggings but they won't go over her belly. For jeans to button or coats to zip up in there, she needs an adult women's size 14. If I wanted her to have room to put layers under a coat and still zip it up, she'd need a size 16. I honestly worry about how she'd cope physically if she puts on much more weight around her middle.

OP posts:
MadamArcati99 · 19/02/2023 21:13

3/4 inch difference might just be down to natural dai;ly variations. I think you need to accept your kid is fat.You need to be accountable and stop trying to blame medical issues.She is only 9 and nobody but the parents are to blame for this.It is good that you are on the right lines now, but you need to be patient, Tou talk a lot about other parts limming down, but that might be just growth,What is happening to her WEIGHT,

crispsandnuts · 19/02/2023 21:19

Id definitely go back and be persistent, despite the bad food choices your ex gives her, if generally she eats ok, swims and dances then that excess weight on her tummy isn't right.
Has she started periods? Is her face puffy,!
Cushing's disease is another consideration related to cortisone levels.
However maybe email or call docs beforehand discuss the concerns and possible thoughts from these posts and then ask then to discreetly check your DD further. They could tell her it's a standard puberty age check, my female GP did similar with my DD and was lovely, I'd explained prior how sensitive it is and not to alarm her or discuss weight specifically

crispsandnuts · 19/02/2023 21:22

MadamArcati99 · 19/02/2023 21:13

3/4 inch difference might just be down to natural dai;ly variations. I think you need to accept your kid is fat.You need to be accountable and stop trying to blame medical issues.She is only 9 and nobody but the parents are to blame for this.It is good that you are on the right lines now, but you need to be patient, Tou talk a lot about other parts limming down, but that might be just growth,What is happening to her WEIGHT,

Really not helpful post.
I'm sure you are the picture of beauty and perfect weight yourself.
The op is taking responsibility and clearly concerned

christmassedout · 19/02/2023 21:24

MadamArcati99 · 19/02/2023 21:13

3/4 inch difference might just be down to natural dai;ly variations. I think you need to accept your kid is fat.You need to be accountable and stop trying to blame medical issues.She is only 9 and nobody but the parents are to blame for this.It is good that you are on the right lines now, but you need to be patient, Tou talk a lot about other parts limming down, but that might be just growth,What is happening to her WEIGHT,

Her height has increased, her weight has decreased. Her arms, legs and face are visibly slimmer, her belly is visibly larger.

OP posts:
Newnamenewname109870 · 19/02/2023 21:30

Really need to get dad on board - however you can.

christmassedout · 19/02/2023 21:31

I think she is getting enough calories. She's having a full school dinner at lunch, so I'm giving her a lighter meal in the evenings. Her arms and legs are more toned than they were before xmas. She doesn't seem constipated.

It's definitely not just natural variations in her waist size. It's fat.

OP posts:
OhwhyOY · 19/02/2023 21:31

@christmassedout I would definitely take her to the GP; it could just be that's where she naturally stores fat but fat around the midsection ie big belly is linked to worse health outcomes so even if it is just fat she should probably see a dietician (and hopefully professional advice might make her dad think a bit mire carefully about what he feeds her). As others have said I'd also be worried about something else going on - does she have any other symptoms? Pain, bowel issues etc?

christmassedout · 19/02/2023 21:41

She says it's sometimes painful, but she seems to be describing how it's uncomfortable to be so big in the belly rather than actual pain if that makes sense.

OP posts:
StickyFloor · 19/02/2023 21:42

A few years ago I decided to lose weight and it started coming off evenly all over. After a while I realised that my belly was not going down much and by the time I had lost 5 stone I looked strangely out of proportion.

Went to GP who could tell by feel alone that there was a gynae issue, later confirmed by scans then surgery (30cm fibroid!)

It sounds unusual for her tummy to be getting bigger so for your own peace of mind I would ask for her to be checked over.

BTW i think you are doing a cracking job of helping her sensitively so she doesn't become overwhelmed and upset about her weight. Flowers

jonnyfancypants · 19/02/2023 21:54

If you're saying she needs adult size 14 trousers at age (just) 9 then you should definitely go back to the GP. Firstly to check that there isn't anything underlying such as a cyst, and secondly for a referral to a dietician.

christmassedout · 19/02/2023 22:53

She can't actually wear adult size 14 trousers, they're far too big for her everywhere else. But she needs that size to wear waistbands around her belly. Last time I took her to the GP she needed an adult size 12 in Primark, they weren't interested. Male GP though.

OP posts:
XelaM · 19/02/2023 23:05

Definitely insist on GP checking her

crispsandnuts · 19/02/2023 23:08

Any other signs of puberty ?

steff13 · 19/02/2023 23:09

OoooohMatron · 19/02/2023 18:09

She's 9 FFS

The youngest mother on record was 5. It's obviously not common but not impossible.

EllieM27 · 19/02/2023 23:50

christmassedout · 19/02/2023 22:53

She can't actually wear adult size 14 trousers, they're far too big for her everywhere else. But she needs that size to wear waistbands around her belly. Last time I took her to the GP she needed an adult size 12 in Primark, they weren't interested. Male GP though.

Did you say what her waist measurement actually is? I may have missed it.

If you can get in with another doctor (perhaps female?) I think that would be a good idea. I don’t know that it would be helpful to take her back to the same one if he’s been dismissive.

Ultimately though I think you’re going to need to revisit the custody issue via the courts. If he is causing her harm by stuffing her with junk then his visitation needs to be reduced to limit the damage he can do. What a useless twat. Do you think he is being deliberately spiteful, either to make himself the “fun” one or to simply sabotage your efforts with her health?

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 19/02/2023 23:56

It might be how she stores her body fat- that she has more visceral fat than subcutaneous? Gaining belly fat is hormone driven... I wonder if there's something more going on here, especially if she's fed a high sugar diet with her father. Did her doctor check her HB1AC? Uncontrollable weight gain around the belly is a sign of insulin resistance.

If it were my child I would consider adding as much hidden nutrition to her food as possible to aid her gut health- lots of probiotics, fibre, any fermented food she will eat, and cut out ultra-processed food. So you could add flaxseed to her porridge, chia seed to her yogurt. If you're giving her a handful of nuts add a pinch of mixed seeds to go with it. I'd probably try to limit wheat based carbs and go for sweet potato or rice instead, or at least choose wholegrain.

Can you get her into any fun, active sports? Trampolining is a great one because it's short bursts of energy followed by an equal amount of downtime, and it's good fun too.

Bonus points if you can get her to do an activity before she leaves for her dads- a metabolism boost before all that sugar might really help!

321user123 · 20/02/2023 00:00

OP I would:

  • ignore everyone telling you to just wait and reduce food further increase exercise
I am personally concerned that such a drastic shift between food at home vs dad’s home may induce an actual eating disorder somewhere down the line. you said dad had court induced visitation, that is great but he is not putting her well-being first and that needs to be looked into, so maybe GP or there need to step up on this so dad understands healthy eating, portion sizes for children etc.
  • Go back to the GP to the GP Pronto. You have gotten excellent advice Re a femal GP and normalising the check-up by saying some puberty check up or whatnot.
  • I would ask to be checked for the following: hypothyroidism, cushings, pcos, cysts/fybromas etc (so blood work for cortisol, hormones and a scan is what I’d like to achieve out of this).
if she has grown taller, slimmed down everywhere else, that is your answer that the changes you have made at home have had a massive impact on her. The stomach growth for me is really worrying and I think often people tend to justify health issues and downplay them whenever there is even a slim chance that it is self induced (say poor food choices). This often leads to whatever was treatable quickly to take much longer as it is discovered much later down the line. here your gut instinct is telling you something isn’t right, so make sure they get to the bottom of this. also don’t put so much emphasis on diet at dad’s and make the GP come to their own conclusions a sometimes we self sabotaging by doing this.

You MUST be your child’s advocate and ensure the GP listens to your concerns and addresses them. The worst case scenario for the GP is they have examined a child for suspected medical issues and they were luckily not found. There’s no such thing as wasted doctor time, wasted test, pressure in NHS bla bla bla. This is why you pay NI and other taxes, because when you need a doctor and medical care it’s there. So don’t listen to anyone downplaying it.

I read another thread from a lady asking whether she should go to the A&E or not, within the first paragraph I was screaming YESSSSS , STAT!!!

Yet many, many people said no, NHS too busy, go to urgent care, or wait for the GP! She had a medical emergency, a blood clot!!! FFs if she listened to some of the people telling her to wait for the GP she might be dead before seeing them.
I'm not suggesting your daughter has anything like that, but more emphasising about gut feeling.

Good luck OP.m to you and your daughter.

if you can, keep up posted

Amaury · 20/02/2023 00:03

Just because she sometimes eats badly it doesn't rule out that there could be something else going on too. Being overweight doesn't prevent someone from suffering from any other stomach issues.
Anyone remember the post where the woman had an enlarged stomach and people were saying "you're just fat!" etc and she came back later to say it was something much more serious?

Felicity42 · 20/02/2023 00:53

What is she eating at home? Are there snacks available at home?
What are the portion sizes like? If she's eating a full dinner at school then she only needs a sandwich in the evening.
Is there a dinner in the evening too?

321user123 · 20/02/2023 01:40

Amaury · 20/02/2023 00:03

Just because she sometimes eats badly it doesn't rule out that there could be something else going on too. Being overweight doesn't prevent someone from suffering from any other stomach issues.
Anyone remember the post where the woman had an enlarged stomach and people were saying "you're just fat!" etc and she came back later to say it was something much more serious?

I don’t think I’ve read that… but what happened?
mum always scared of instances like that..
often when you go to the doctor everything is because “you’re fat”. They often forget that many times is the condition making you fat to start with!

321user123 · 20/02/2023 01:40

Felicity42 · 20/02/2023 00:53

What is she eating at home? Are there snacks available at home?
What are the portion sizes like? If she's eating a full dinner at school then she only needs a sandwich in the evening.
Is there a dinner in the evening too?

Just. Read. The. OP. Posts.
She answered all of those questions.

Amaury · 20/02/2023 02:10

321user123 · 20/02/2023 01:40

I don’t think I’ve read that… but what happened?
mum always scared of instances like that..
often when you go to the doctor everything is because “you’re fat”. They often forget that many times is the condition making you fat to start with!

It was ovarian cancer. Obviously not the case for ops dd as I don't think kids can get it. I remember posters had mocked the op saying she was fat. It was her stomach that was big, not her arms and legs. She came back and said how horrible people had been to her and that it was cancer.

Aria999 · 20/02/2023 02:19

Could be an ovarian cyst?

I looked pregnant with mine.

An ultrasound would tell you.

Aria999 · 20/02/2023 02:20

(Dr Google says kids can get ovarian cysts)