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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DD back to the GP for her weight

205 replies

christmassedout · 19/02/2023 15:54

DD has just turned 9 and is very overweight. We've been trying to tackle it through diet and exercise since xmas. Her belly has been huge for a while now, if it was smaller she still wouldn't be slim, but it looks enormous in proportion to the rest of her. We were really struggling to buy clothes to fit her because of it.

She's had a growth spurt since Christmas and seems to have slimmed down around her arms and legs. Her weight has dropped slightly. But she's measuring even bigger around the belly.

I've taken her to the GP before and they were very dismissive. I would really like them to do some kind of tests to make sure there isn't anything else going on, DP thinks it's only been two months and they'll say she's just overweight.

OP posts:
heartbroken40 · 20/02/2023 16:00

@christmassedout these guys in Wimbledon/Fulham charge £150. I know a cheaper place in north London which charges £80-100 but I don't know if they scan children

www.thegpsurgery.co.uk/doctor/private-paediatric-ultrasound-london/?amp

Where are you based? That really helps with prices. I would say outside London and the south east cheaper

PinkFrogss · 20/02/2023 16:00

Are you sure she’s not pregnant? Especially now you’ve said it’s the same shape.

Original poster
christmassedout · 20/02/2023 16:03

The only size jeans that will go up over her belly are women's size 14 in primark. Their website says size 14 is just over 31 inches, size 16 is about 33.5 inches. She doesn't need the 16 to fit, but the 14 is snug. When I took her to the GP, he measured around the same bit I'm looking at for her waist measurement. I think it's the shape of her belly.

OP posts:
LadyChatterlysLover · 20/02/2023 16:04

Insist on an ultrasound. I remember a young girl like this years ago and she had a very large cyst. I'm not saying that's what's happening, but if she is only putting on abdominal girth and not gaining anywhere else, they ought to check

steff13 · 20/02/2023 16:49

LadyChatterlysLover · 20/02/2023 16:04

Insist on an ultrasound. I remember a young girl like this years ago and she had a very large cyst. I'm not saying that's what's happening, but if she is only putting on abdominal girth and not gaining anywhere else, they ought to check

I agree with this, she needs an ultrasound.

CatSpeakForDummies · 20/02/2023 20:33

Even my slim 12yo looked a bit pot bellied at 9, you shouldn't be projecting an adult silhouette onto her as kids (even healthy ones) often have a slightly protruding tummy if their organs are still proportionally big.

She is clearly overweight, but it's hard to know from your description of it's an unusual shape for being overweight at 9, rather than what you think overweight looks like as an adult.

As you go up ages, the clothes will be adjusted to the more hip/waist shape they develop in puberty, so she isn't going to fit if you just go up age wise, I wouldn't take that as a sign.

I hope she isn't too upset about it and well done for tackling it.

twoandcooplease · 20/02/2023 20:34

I'm shocked an ultrasound wasn't offered when you seemed advice. It really doesn't sound like a weight problem and more a health condition

kateandme · 21/02/2023 00:17

Okunevo · 20/02/2023 09:03

Exactly, it's a health issue. Obesity is a disease, we are talking about an unwell child. It's not about her appearance, except where this could negatively affect her mental health.

Show quote history

no actually it isnt a disease

kateandme · 21/02/2023 00:26

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 20/02/2023 06:27

Stop projecting. An over weight adult gets to make the choice of staying overweight and unhealthy.

A child however should be gently guided as the op is doing!

Show quote history

no not projecting.stating facts.
shes not healthy is she is making her lose weight and focusing on her needing to change how she looks and weighs in order to be "healthy".people in genereal dont need to focus on losing weight to be healthy.its often where it all goes wrong. the focus is on the wrong thing and more on what society deems as ok.which isnt true.health is not to lose weight.is health premoting behaviours. the weight might change because of these but not always.and so this is pepetuating the very thing that ISNT health. health is so much more than size and shape.
and cutting out food groups is perpetuating the good and bad foods and sticking shame onto things in this little girls life where there shouldnt berestricting will only lead to one thing and that is binging which will actually make the person gain weight and often more so.
she should be being taught self love and worth. and how to love herself whatever her size and shape. and she will then be able and want to look aftter herself. not fall into the trap of needing to change her look to no get comments or being accepted by her peers.if they are teasing or commenting she needs to be taught that THEY are the wrong ones. nad noones has a right to comment on anyone else size. and sadly today culture has a wrong and toxic view on people bodies.
this is not on her daughter.other people have no business to call her name and so need to be told to shut the fuck up.and stop bullying.
and shee needs to no her as she is is wonderful regardless of what society deems she should look like.
at 9 she has no chance if this much focus is on her weight and size nd measuring her.and restricting her foods. there are other ways.and very different ways of doing things.

kateandme · 21/02/2023 00:28

Okunevo · 20/02/2023 06:13

Thank god for her dad who is neglecting a child and making her unwell by refusing to provide proper nutrition?

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proper nutrition is allowing all foods. not demonsiing some or labeling some off the table or junk or good or bad. teaching her she can have all as part of a balance. refusing to provide proper nutrition would be restriction the foods her mother is.

CjCreggsFish · 21/02/2023 00:36

She 100% needs an ultrasound. It's rare but pre pubescent girls can get ovarian tumours or cysts. She sounds like shes definitely got something going on and she needs to be investigated. Poor thing

StoppinBy · 21/02/2023 04:57

kateandme · 21/02/2023 00:28

proper nutrition is allowing all foods. not demonsiing some or labeling some off the table or junk or good or bad. teaching her she can have all as part of a balance. refusing to provide proper nutrition would be restriction the foods her mother is.

Show quote history

Perhaps her Mum w/o uu lent have to be restrictive if the Dad used a more balanced dietary approach.... but thank God for the Dad hey!

StoppinBy · 21/02/2023 04:58

Wouldn't* rather than whatever that mish mash of letters is 🤣

kateandme · 21/02/2023 05:24

StoppinBy · 21/02/2023 04:57

Perhaps her Mum w/o uu lent have to be restrictive if the Dad used a more balanced dietary approach.... but thank God for the Dad hey!

Show quote history

she never said her dad wasnt.she said her dad was still allowing the other foods whereas she wasnt anymore. not allowing those others foods is actually more unhealthy

freezingpompoms · 21/02/2023 05:56

How keen is your daughter on going to her dad's?

crispsandnuts · 21/02/2023 06:08

It is a disease kateandme. Like any disease, you reduce the risk by changing your lifestyle and in this case, her intake of fatty/sugary foods. Op hasn't said she's stopped them completely, she's making changes for her child's health, sensitively.

You can't be serious suggesting she doesn't do this. Bring obese at any age shouldn't be glorified and saying 'she should love herself' doesn't help, the DD is very self conscious.

kateandme · 21/02/2023 06:27

crispsandnuts · 21/02/2023 06:08

It is a disease kateandme. Like any disease, you reduce the risk by changing your lifestyle and in this case, her intake of fatty/sugary foods. Op hasn't said she's stopped them completely, she's making changes for her child's health, sensitively.

You can't be serious suggesting she doesn't do this. Bring obese at any age shouldn't be glorified and saying 'she should love herself' doesn't help, the DD is very self conscious.

you no obese or fat people should love themselves right?
her worth or how she views herself shouldnt not be dependant on her look or size.
thats the whole problem of how we view size and weight.and why people are so disordered and often get bigger,restrict binge etc.and why people get teased.for what being a certain size?why? it shouldnt be vilified or seen or held against or up to a persons worth.
and its not glorifying it. its about not demonising it to the point like the others are "noticing" it as if its some sin. and shes being commented on. this doesnt make it about health or wellbeing it makes it about societys fucked up views on looks and weight.
so now she shouldnt be self concious.and no she shouldnt not love herself. with a a big belly or a big toe in the shape of japan!

heartbroken40 · 21/02/2023 06:36

@kateandme being obese is a health risk - no ifs no buts. There's nothing to love when you struggle to move, you get diabetes and all that

Obese children very often go on being obese adults (check out the medical studies).

I personally think the child might have some serious health issues rather than simply being obese. A 32 inches waist at 9 is enormous, my jeans are 26 inches and I'm in my 40s and perimenopausal so I can only imagine

Op has a duty as her mum to get the DD checked asap.

As for obese adults, sorry but they can make changes. It's not everyone else's fault, take responsibility for what you eat and how much you move

crispsandnuts · 21/02/2023 06:43

If I was obese I wouldn't love myself, because it's unhealthy and it could kill me. Any medical and health professional would back this theory.

Bullying others and name calling, I agree is awful but unfortunately this can't be stopped, people are cruel. However you can limit this by looking after your and your families health, and in turn helping self esteem.

What would you suggest the op does? Ignore a possible health condition and let her eat donuts everyday because 'big is beautiful'? I fear for the next generation if that's your opinion.

Zanatdy · 21/02/2023 06:47

Unlikely the GP can do anything when she’s not following a diet 100% if dads still feeding her crap. Assume he’s not on board and doesn’t think it’s an issue his daughter is so overweight? Is he aware that secondary school is a cruel place?

crispsandnuts · 21/02/2023 08:28

crispsandnuts · 21/02/2023 06:43

If I was obese I wouldn't love myself, because it's unhealthy and it could kill me. Any medical and health professional would back this theory.

Bullying others and name calling, I agree is awful but unfortunately this can't be stopped, people are cruel. However you can limit this by looking after your and your families health, and in turn helping self esteem.

What would you suggest the op does? Ignore a possible health condition and let her eat donuts everyday because 'big is beautiful'? I fear for the next generation if that's your opinion.

This was aimed for @kateandme not the op

endofthelinefinally · 21/02/2023 08:56

321user123 · 20/02/2023 00:00

OP I would:

  • ignore everyone telling you to just wait and reduce food further increase exercise
I am personally concerned that such a drastic shift between food at home vs dad’s home may induce an actual eating disorder somewhere down the line. you said dad had court induced visitation, that is great but he is not putting her well-being first and that needs to be looked into, so maybe GP or there need to step up on this so dad understands healthy eating, portion sizes for children etc.
  • Go back to the GP to the GP Pronto. You have gotten excellent advice Re a femal GP and normalising the check-up by saying some puberty check up or whatnot.
  • I would ask to be checked for the following: hypothyroidism, cushings, pcos, cysts/fybromas etc (so blood work for cortisol, hormones and a scan is what I’d like to achieve out of this).
if she has grown taller, slimmed down everywhere else, that is your answer that the changes you have made at home have had a massive impact on her. The stomach growth for me is really worrying and I think often people tend to justify health issues and downplay them whenever there is even a slim chance that it is self induced (say poor food choices). This often leads to whatever was treatable quickly to take much longer as it is discovered much later down the line. here your gut instinct is telling you something isn’t right, so make sure they get to the bottom of this. also don’t put so much emphasis on diet at dad’s and make the GP come to their own conclusions a sometimes we self sabotaging by doing this.

You MUST be your child’s advocate and ensure the GP listens to your concerns and addresses them. The worst case scenario for the GP is they have examined a child for suspected medical issues and they were luckily not found. There’s no such thing as wasted doctor time, wasted test, pressure in NHS bla bla bla. This is why you pay NI and other taxes, because when you need a doctor and medical care it’s there. So don’t listen to anyone downplaying it.

I read another thread from a lady asking whether she should go to the A&E or not, within the first paragraph I was screaming YESSSSS , STAT!!!

Yet many, many people said no, NHS too busy, go to urgent care, or wait for the GP! She had a medical emergency, a blood clot!!! FFs if she listened to some of the people telling her to wait for the GP she might be dead before seeing them.
I'm not suggesting your daughter has anything like that, but more emphasising about gut feeling.

Good luck OP.m to you and your daughter.

if you can, keep up posted

I agree with this completely.

ManchesterGirl2 · 21/02/2023 09:09

I would absolutely be pushing hard for more investigations. Losing weight elsewhere and gaining in the belly could be a flag for many medical issues raised by posters above.

Cakeyface123 · 21/02/2023 09:14

could it be Cushings syndrome or thyroid related? I’d maybe ask for some blood tests just to rule out anything medical

To take DD back to the GP for her weight
PatchworkElmer · 21/02/2023 09:15

I’d 100% take her back to the GP. This doesn’t sound right.