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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DD back to the GP for her weight

205 replies

christmassedout · 19/02/2023 15:54

DD has just turned 9 and is very overweight. We've been trying to tackle it through diet and exercise since xmas. Her belly has been huge for a while now, if it was smaller she still wouldn't be slim, but it looks enormous in proportion to the rest of her. We were really struggling to buy clothes to fit her because of it.

She's had a growth spurt since Christmas and seems to have slimmed down around her arms and legs. Her weight has dropped slightly. But she's measuring even bigger around the belly.

I've taken her to the GP before and they were very dismissive. I would really like them to do some kind of tests to make sure there isn't anything else going on, DP thinks it's only been two months and they'll say she's just overweight.

OP posts:
crispsandnuts · 19/02/2023 19:09

If the doctors were dismissive, did they just suggest diet changes?

ittakes2 · 19/02/2023 19:10

I have a big belly and my gastro is testing me for a gut flora imbalance. SIBO test I think it is.

Shesinthegym · 19/02/2023 19:11

It is normal for the tummy area to look bigger during weight loss, it’s usually the last place to slim down and because everywhere else is looking slimmer it makes the middle look massive.
you need to make sure she is doing enough exercise because although it won’t necessarily help with the weight it will make her stronger and help her build muscle which will tone the appearance of her stomach. it does sound like your really trying op.
In my area the gp and school nurse can refer young people to a special service who help implement lifestyle changes for those who are overweight. Can you look if this is available in your area. You could get her dad to go to the appointments. Depending on how overweight she is I’d be seeking advice on actually stopping your dd going to his as he is basically killing her through shit parenting. If he was under feeding her would you continue to send her there to be neglected and go hungry.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 19/02/2023 19:13

50change · 19/02/2023 18:54

When I was a kid the girl up the road looked like you describe it turned out she had an ovarian cyst growing for years years. Raid this possibility and ask for it to be documented on her notes that you queried ovarian cyst. Hopefully they will offer a scan however I had an ovarian cyst diagnosed when I lived abroad as it was routine to do an internal US when you had your smear test not sure what they would do for a 9 year old to diagnose?

I agree with this. My mum had a cyst the size of a grapefruit - she just dismissed it as perimenopausal weight gain until she went to the doc and they could feel it.

Gaining weight just round the belly isn't normal for a child her age. I think you need to take her back. Be armed with measurements so they don't dismiss you. Get them to at the very least palpate her belly.

Shesinthegym · 19/02/2023 19:15

Also is she going to the toilet regularly? You’d be surprised how big constipation can make the tummy look.
even when I’m bloated it feels flabby rather than hard

HotPenguin · 19/02/2023 19:20

Could you tell the GP about the issue with her dad and see if you can get a food diary and written advice for your DH. Tell him the GP needs the food diary completed. See if he does it, if not then stop letting her go there.

Original poster
christmassedout · 19/02/2023 19:31

The GP measured her around the belly last time I took her and noticed that her waist measurement is huge, but just told me about healthy eating and exercise.

Her belly is definitely bigger than two months ago, it doesn't just look bigger because she's lost weight elsewhere.

Her contact with her dad is court ordered.

She has a

OP posts:
XanaduKira · 19/02/2023 19:31

I agree with the others - I'd go back to the GP to see if they will do intolerance testing. I'd also ask the GP to write to your ex to explain the importance of nutrition and healthy eating to try to get him on board that way.

Notjustabrunette · 19/02/2023 19:33

I don’t want to sound dramatic, but what your ex is feeding her is child abuse. Would be great if you could get some kind of menu from a nutritionalist that he has to stick to. It sounds like he isn’t taking her weight issue seriously.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 19/02/2023 19:33

christmassedout · 19/02/2023 19:07

She's just turned 9, 143ish cm tall. Next age 11 plus fit leggings fit her if she just pulls the waistband up to under her belly and lets it hang over the top, but she can't fit her belly into them. We've tried going up to age 14, those are too big in the thighs and bum but still don't fit her middle. Anything with a button waistband is hopeless.

This doesn't sound like a recent occurence then. What is the body habitus of other women in your and her dads family? Is it common to gain weight in the middle for you or them? Could it be just a body shape thing?

That does sound like she is quite big for a 9 yr old. A distant cousin I had turned out to have a pituitary tumour causing his huge weight gain, he was very round in shape and found at around 11/13 I think. It is worth GP investigating, I'd probably ask for a full blood count and a hormone profile and go from there.

Landndialamrhf · 19/02/2023 19:42

she hasn’t been overweight for just two months so it’s going to take more than 2 months for her to lose it.
but equally a stomach getting larger, even as she loses weight elsewhere, and that looks like a pregnant belly would alarm me, and I’d be considering if she could have any sort of condition, intolerance etc.

id probably keep going another month or two as you are for now and look at what you can do with ex and court - he’s harming her health which is a form of abuse.
i would rather tackle that and make it his problem than take her to the drs. If you take her to the drs she will internalise the weight issue and I can’t see how that won’t be problematic for her self esteem, so for me it really would be a last resort.

Original poster
christmassedout · 19/02/2023 19:46

Her waist measurement is almost as big as her hip measurement. I get it's hard to visualise and I'm not posting photos of her, but her belly is almost comically out of proportion. She's lost weight since we've been eating better and exercising more, but she's gained another 3/4 inch around the belly. It's so big it's getting in her way, other kids are commenting on it. It's not just that she's overweight.

I'm an overweight adult, but i wasn't an overweight child. Her dad's family are all slim.

OP posts:
Iizzyb · 19/02/2023 19:48

Could she be very constipated op? Just a thought because that can cause a bloated stomach

Merryoldgoat · 19/02/2023 19:50

Did the Dr palpate her stomach? Was it a female doctor? In my experience female doctors are better at listening to parents’ concerns about things like this.

NancyJoan · 19/02/2023 19:52

I definitely think you need to try the GP again. If she losing weight and her tummy is getting bigger, something is going on.

notapizzaeater · 19/02/2023 19:53

Is it big all the time or does it grow? My DS looked pregnant his tummy was so big, he was coeliac - I'd def go back to the doctors

Isthisexpected · 19/02/2023 19:57

Her contact with her dad is court ordered.

^ Personally I'd be getting the doctor to write with a plan for you all to follow and then when you have written evidence her Dad hasn't followed it I'd stop contact as this is parental neglect.

PinkFrogss · 19/02/2023 20:05

Merryoldgoat · 19/02/2023 19:50

Did the Dr palpate her stomach? Was it a female doctor? In my experience female doctors are better at listening to parents’ concerns about things like this.

This is a good idea - a female doctor may also be more sensitive about the issue. I’d be concerned that OP you say DD is noticing the size of her stomach and friends are making comments, regular measurement is also going to make her self conscious

NoodleC · 19/02/2023 20:07

olivewreath13 · 19/02/2023 18:40

It's a round pregnant belly shape but loose and wobbly, not firm. It used to be more of a normal pudgy shape but it now seems to be expanding outwards too. It's the same size in the mornings it is in the evenings.

We have started swimming twice a week and I do think that's helped her lose weight. But it hasn't stopped her packing on fat on her belly.

A normal day with me would be unsweetened porridge with a banana, school lunch and something light like soup, pasta salad, a wrap etc for dinner. Fruit for dessert.

I was same body shape at her age. I was put on diet and went to a diet club at 10yrs old, it was an awful experience. Anyway i would suggest swapping the banana to berries. Also take her to mcdonalds or whoever her dad takes her and show her a better meal choice. Eg instead of chips in the meal deal she can chose carrot sticks or pineapple. If you cannot stop it happening show her better choices to chose.

Riri24 · 19/02/2023 20:13

Do you have any idea what she is actually eating at her Dads? What does he say when you mention it? This seems to be the core of the issue and it is really disturbing that he seems to not care about what he is doing to his own daughter!!
I agree with a PP above about praising her for healthy eating and exercise but not mentioning weight- ie getting stronger and faster at swimming/ skin and hair looking lovely etc etc. It's so difficult but you need to try and help her to develop a good relationship with food rather than one based on weight.
For what it's worth you sound like you are doing a really great job and hopefully things keep moving on the right track.

ziggiestardust · 19/02/2023 20:26

First of all, I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. You clearly love your DD and want her to have the best start possible.

I actually think the GP is a good port of call. You want this logged, because whilst her contact with her Dad might be court ordered, it might not be in her best interest to keep it in the setup that it’s in if he stuffs her so full of sweets and treats that it’s having an adverse impact on her health. I would consider that abuse, actually. Maybe he thinks he’s being kind, but he’s not. Perhaps you could get your GP to print off your consultation with details of all the things your DD is being set up for later in life with this kind of weight gain in early childhood. That might wake him up?

Secondly, I would always recommend a female GP for a female child, especially a tween. Get everything thoroughly checked out in that regard. I’m sure lots of women have had experience of being dismissed by a male doctor, so cut the potential off for that now.

Youre doing all the right things OP ❤️

Glitterybee · 19/02/2023 20:42

Op you could post a photo but cover her face. It might help posters give better informed decisions.

Although ultimately I think you’re best going back to the dr.

PumpkinPie2016 · 19/02/2023 20:48

This sounds difficult for you OP and you are clearly doing your best to help your daughter.

The fact that she has lost some weight since eating more healthily and exercising, yet her stomach has become larger would worry me and I think you are right to go back to the GP and push for further investigation.

If she hadn't lost any weight or lost weight and her tummy had stayed the same size, I would maybe agree that what she eats at her father's house was having impact. It may well be and that does need to be considered, but to me, it seems odd to have lost weight, yet have a larger stomach measurement.

1982mommaof4 · 19/02/2023 20:51

Merryoldgoat · 19/02/2023 15:59

And whilst this may sound bonkers there’s no chance she’s pregnant is there?

🫣

PBandBanana · 19/02/2023 20:52

Contact a Registered Nutritionist if want sound, science-based advice. Please don’t try to do this on your own. Support is out there

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