Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DD back to the GP for her weight

205 replies

christmassedout · 19/02/2023 15:54

DD has just turned 9 and is very overweight. We've been trying to tackle it through diet and exercise since xmas. Her belly has been huge for a while now, if it was smaller she still wouldn't be slim, but it looks enormous in proportion to the rest of her. We were really struggling to buy clothes to fit her because of it.

She's had a growth spurt since Christmas and seems to have slimmed down around her arms and legs. Her weight has dropped slightly. But she's measuring even bigger around the belly.

I've taken her to the GP before and they were very dismissive. I would really like them to do some kind of tests to make sure there isn't anything else going on, DP thinks it's only been two months and they'll say she's just overweight.

OP posts:
steff13 · 20/02/2023 02:34

Aria999 · 20/02/2023 02:19

Could be an ovarian cyst?

I looked pregnant with mine.

An ultrasound would tell you.

My mother had one that made her stomach very distended. It was the size of a football. 🏈

TheOriginalEmu · 20/02/2023 02:47

maranella · 19/02/2023 16:21

she still eats a lot of fast food, doughnuts, milkshakes etc at her dad's

Uh okay, but if you can't do anything about this @christmassedout, why do you think the GP will be able to? There isn't some magic switch s/he can flip and your DD will lose the weight she's piling on because your ex overfeeds her with crap. Is he neglectful or abusive in other ways?

If she’s grown and lost weight, but her belly is bigger then it’s quite possible there is an issue that isn’t about diet. THAT is what a GP can look into. Obviously.

letthemalldoone · 20/02/2023 02:52

Merryoldgoat · 19/02/2023 15:59

And whilst this may sound bonkers there’s no chance she’s pregnant is there?

FFS she's 9, wise up!!!

TheOriginalEmu · 20/02/2023 02:56

letthemalldoone · 20/02/2023 02:52

FFS she's 9, wise up!!!

Show quote history

It can happen. Don’t be naive

Pumpkin20222 · 20/02/2023 03:18

I would ask the GP to carry out checks, just to rule anything out. Can you make a phone appointment so your DD doesn’t have to be involved in any initial discussion with the GP as it could be scary for a child to hear about various possible causes and tests?

StClare101 · 20/02/2023 03:26

I’d start getting all your documentation together, including medical reports, to challenge the court order.

In the meantime, Given your daughter is now aware of it herself, could you chat gently with her about picking healthier things at her Dad’s and the impact this will have? Could you also pack healthy snacks for her?

Kennykenkencat · 20/02/2023 03:59

Tbh if her dad is feeding her rubbish then whilst she is eating healthy with you all it is doing is slowing down the weight gain.

Is he one of those slim people who can eat anything and have never been over weight in their lives.

He is treating her like he is the better parent and buying her love with sugary snacks and hoping one day she will opt to live with him because you are the “bad parent” feeding her vegetables and he thinks he will be the “good parent” in her eyes as she gets all the food she wants at his house.
There is something creepy about that sort of behaviour.
If you have to buy your kids love with sugary snacks

Can you teach her the connection between the fast crappy and unhealthy food and her stomach size.
She is getting to that age where children become more aware of their size compared to their peers and it is up to her to say no to her dad.
Not an ideal but if her dad is a prick who won’t give her healthy food then it is up to her to say no.
Very soon she will be able to choose if she goes to her dads or not and if going to her dads = getting a big belly she might say no just on the principal that he doesn’t have her best interests at heart.

Groutyonehereagain · 20/02/2023 04:17

Amaury · 20/02/2023 02:10

It was ovarian cancer. Obviously not the case for ops dd as I don't think kids can get it. I remember posters had mocked the op saying she was fat. It was her stomach that was big, not her arms and legs. She came back and said how horrible people had been to her and that it was cancer.

Show quote history

Children can have ovarian cancer. There’s a cancer called Juvenile Granulosa Cell Tumour.

@christmassedout take your DD to see the school nurse and ask them to refer her to the Community Paediatrician.

MangoPineapple11 · 20/02/2023 04:28

The poor little love.
I would really push for some tests , atleast blood. Then you can know for sure and take best course of action.

BlackFlyChardonnay · 20/02/2023 04:49

Groutyonehereagain · 20/02/2023 04:17

Children can have ovarian cancer. There’s a cancer called Juvenile Granulosa Cell Tumour.

@christmassedout take your DD to see the school nurse and ask them to refer her to the Community Paediatrician.

Show quote history

Genuine question - what schools have school nurses?? Neither of my school age kids, at different schools, do. I don't recall their being one at any of the schools I attended either 🤔 maybe private schools do.

Anyway, to the post: when you say she's eating junk with her dad, how many days per week is she with him? Just trying to gauge what percentage of the time she's eating that way.

I think with all you've said that you should ask to see the gp again and explain the weight loss and increased abdominal gain. Ask for him to palpate stomach. If he can't feel anything wrong, ask for a paediatric dietician referral.

heartbroken40 · 20/02/2023 05:03

OP, look up Cushing's symptoms - does she have a bump? Any stretch marks?

CasparBloomberg · 20/02/2023 05:46

@BlackFlyChardonnay “Genuine question - what schools have school nurses?? Neither of my school age kids, at different schools, do. I don't recall their being one at any of the schools I attended either 🤔 maybe private schools do.”

All state schools in our area have a named school nurse. I don’t know whether it’s a an NHS or LA thing though? The school sent out a letter with their contact details and there’s a poster with contact details at reception. I don’t know how much they were actually in school. As parents we got a phone number to contact and get support that way (I know it works as called them about something and they referred us to another agency).

kateandme · 20/02/2023 05:47

god i hope you NINE year old daughter is ok and not becoming as obsessed as everyone else seems to be about her weight and looks. i hope to god you not cut out all the OBVIOUSLY SINFUL foods and made it about losing wieght which you clearly have.
a 9 year old is growing in height and losing weight! fucking hell it meant to be going the opposite for a growing child.
and thank god for her dad who still allows her to eat the foods she probably by now craving and going to have issues with for the rest of her life.
a 9 year old should never be on a diet.nor be being told she is overweight.

user1492757084 · 20/02/2023 05:48

Are you able to go to GP and (if it is food related) dietition appointment as a whole family? Given easy recipes etc by health carers it might make the solution coherent for Dad.

kateandme · 20/02/2023 05:49

Kennykenkencat · 20/02/2023 03:59

Tbh if her dad is feeding her rubbish then whilst she is eating healthy with you all it is doing is slowing down the weight gain.

Is he one of those slim people who can eat anything and have never been over weight in their lives.

He is treating her like he is the better parent and buying her love with sugary snacks and hoping one day she will opt to live with him because you are the “bad parent” feeding her vegetables and he thinks he will be the “good parent” in her eyes as she gets all the food she wants at his house.
There is something creepy about that sort of behaviour.
If you have to buy your kids love with sugary snacks

Can you teach her the connection between the fast crappy and unhealthy food and her stomach size.
She is getting to that age where children become more aware of their size compared to their peers and it is up to her to say no to her dad.
Not an ideal but if her dad is a prick who won’t give her healthy food then it is up to her to say no.
Very soon she will be able to choose if she goes to her dads or not and if going to her dads = getting a big belly she might say no just on the principal that he doesn’t have her best interests at heart.

wow one of the most dangerous and damaging posts ive ever read on here. what a load of bullshit.

kateandme · 20/02/2023 05:52

christmassedout · 19/02/2023 18:48

I think her posture is ok. She dances, so she must have some core strength from that. She has started trying to suck it in a bit because she's had friends commenting on it recently.

no wonder when everyone in her life is telling her she looks wrong.is wrong. to eat differently.cutting out foods.
your not teaching her how to avoid these shitty comment? how to be herself? noe but that she needs to change her size and do so by cutting whole food groups out and that some foods are good and bad. that a belly at 9 is bad. and when she sucks in her tummy or notices her size she gets it confirmed by home also tyring to make her smaller.via food.

Okunevo · 20/02/2023 06:13

kateandme · 20/02/2023 05:47

god i hope you NINE year old daughter is ok and not becoming as obsessed as everyone else seems to be about her weight and looks. i hope to god you not cut out all the OBVIOUSLY SINFUL foods and made it about losing wieght which you clearly have.
a 9 year old is growing in height and losing weight! fucking hell it meant to be going the opposite for a growing child.
and thank god for her dad who still allows her to eat the foods she probably by now craving and going to have issues with for the rest of her life.
a 9 year old should never be on a diet.nor be being told she is overweight.

Thank god for her dad who is neglecting a child and making her unwell by refusing to provide proper nutrition?

LoekMa · 20/02/2023 06:14

Kennykenkencat · 20/02/2023 03:59

Tbh if her dad is feeding her rubbish then whilst she is eating healthy with you all it is doing is slowing down the weight gain.

Is he one of those slim people who can eat anything and have never been over weight in their lives.

He is treating her like he is the better parent and buying her love with sugary snacks and hoping one day she will opt to live with him because you are the “bad parent” feeding her vegetables and he thinks he will be the “good parent” in her eyes as she gets all the food she wants at his house.
There is something creepy about that sort of behaviour.
If you have to buy your kids love with sugary snacks

Can you teach her the connection between the fast crappy and unhealthy food and her stomach size.
She is getting to that age where children become more aware of their size compared to their peers and it is up to her to say no to her dad.
Not an ideal but if her dad is a prick who won’t give her healthy food then it is up to her to say no.
Very soon she will be able to choose if she goes to her dads or not and if going to her dads = getting a big belly she might say no just on the principal that he doesn’t have her best interests at heart.

He is treating her like he is the better parent and buying her love with sugary snacks and hoping one day she will opt to live with him because you are the “bad parent” feeding her vegetables and he thinks he will be the “good parent” in her eyes as she gets all the food she wants at his house.

genuinely doubt this. In the cruel age of social media beauty standards, even a 9 yr old knows the bullying will be relentless if her size keeps going up.

I don't think moving in with the parent that essentially caused her to get that large is something she will even consider.

She's 9 now. She will see it differently once puberty really kicks in.

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 20/02/2023 06:27

kateandme · 20/02/2023 05:47

god i hope you NINE year old daughter is ok and not becoming as obsessed as everyone else seems to be about her weight and looks. i hope to god you not cut out all the OBVIOUSLY SINFUL foods and made it about losing wieght which you clearly have.
a 9 year old is growing in height and losing weight! fucking hell it meant to be going the opposite for a growing child.
and thank god for her dad who still allows her to eat the foods she probably by now craving and going to have issues with for the rest of her life.
a 9 year old should never be on a diet.nor be being told she is overweight.

Stop projecting. An over weight adult gets to make the choice of staying overweight and unhealthy.

A child however should be gently guided as the op is doing!

Rainyday4321 · 20/02/2023 06:30

If she has lost weight but her belly is getting bigger and is as you describe then yes take her back. Could be any number of things.

Also take measurements of your own and weigh her yourself so you have some data.

sixfoot · 20/02/2023 06:50

It’s abuse / neglect from her dad. Get advice on this, he’s not meeting her needs and is setting her up for a lifetime of Heath issues.

shopmyfeelings · 20/02/2023 07:05

I echo the advice of others that I would take her back to the GP just to make sure there's nothing else going on but as you describe her stomach as wobbly and not firm and bloated then it's likely to be where she carries her weight rather than anything else.

You can ask school to refer to the school nurse and the school nurse could in turn refer to a dietitian if the GP doesn't.

Maybe they could write to dad explaining?

It's so hard because you don't want to push it too much on her and her end up with disordered eating etc but this has to be controlled. She's at significant risk of things like diabetes and if her dad really is filling her with huge amounts of processed food, sugar etc then he is causing her harm. Obese children are removed from parents (often with other risk factors too).

If he won't listen can you go back to court and reduce contact for a while? Arguing that his behaviour is damaging her health.

BlackFlyChardonnay · 20/02/2023 07:08

CasparBloomberg · 20/02/2023 05:46

@BlackFlyChardonnay “Genuine question - what schools have school nurses?? Neither of my school age kids, at different schools, do. I don't recall their being one at any of the schools I attended either 🤔 maybe private schools do.”

All state schools in our area have a named school nurse. I don’t know whether it’s a an NHS or LA thing though? The school sent out a letter with their contact details and there’s a poster with contact details at reception. I don’t know how much they were actually in school. As parents we got a phone number to contact and get support that way (I know it works as called them about something and they referred us to another agency).

Ah ok, thanks. I wonder if it's area dependent maybe. My eldest has asthma and hypermobility and I've never had any contact from or about a school nurse. Just the school receptionist asks parents to fill a form in each year with gp details and medications etc.

keeprunning55 · 20/02/2023 07:12

If the gp is not too worried, try to let that be of some comfort.
Persobally, as long as you are making an effort with her food and exercise, there is very little you can do. You really don’t want a child with an eating disorder and I fear that by taking her to the drs and focusing on her weight by weighing her etc, may lead to that.

Authorisatingarchibald · 20/02/2023 07:23

I’d really push the GP for bloods and an ultrasound to rule anything out as s first step.