To ask is this inappropriate parenting of a 12 year old?

[Billingshurst]

My mum had worked hard to get a uni degree and strived (or strove!!) at work so by the time I was born had a 'top professional' job iyswim.

As I say she had a professional job, had published academic papers etc. - she was sometimes interviewed regarding her job on local radio and TV. She returned to work shortly after I was born so I never remember her being a stay at home mum at all.
Anyway, when I was 12 - I came home from school one day - for context - it was July so school was about to break up anyway - and my mum was already drunk - and all that evening she spent time listening again and again to a recording of this radio programme she was on. She didn't make eye contact with me at all - but all evening said things like this about herself - "who would have thought that I, a girl in pigtails, from a remote village, would one day be interviewed on the radio" etc etc. She said this while clearly being drunk and talking 'at' me, as if not addressing me properly. I doubt whether she even made me tea that night.
Anyway, that evening - July so light until late - I ended up wandering the streets - my mum wasn't engaging with me, I also had a borderline eating disorder so used to binge on confectionery and other calorific food - I was fat for a 12 year old.
Just for context - I was an only child - so no other children around for a second opinion - and my dad would have been away with work at the time. My dad was of same job level as my mum - uni educated and subsequent high achiever at work - both would have the kind of jobs where they'd go abroad for conferences etc - you get the picture.

Although I spent a lot of the evening 'walking the streets' in a manner of speaking! - it was an affluent, safe area so I wasn't in any danger - just stuffing my face with sweets as a result of low self esteem - but the point is - I think my mums behaviour that evening was very neglectful. 12 year olds need loads of emotional support imo as it's an age of great transition - you're moving away - even if just emotionally/psychologically - a lot of the time from your 'childhood' influences and beginning preparations both physically and emotionally for adulthood. Imo 12yos need their parents very much - but all I had that evening was a drunk mother talking at me - didn't appear to give a shit about me!

So

YANBU - your mother shouldn't have behaved like that - it's selfish/neglectful/abusive

YABU - your mum was just celebrating her 'success' as she was perfectly entitled to do

You already described how you were suffering from self esteem problems. Puberty is highly impactful for women and the absence of strong guidance and support by your mother or other female close to you generates the perfect conditions for abuse.
If it was a mere one off you wouldn't be mentioning it. It's the tip of the iceberg.
Your inner child is wounded and only you can provide her the right care in order to heal. It's a journey.
Asking for reassurance from your family will probably not get you far. It's on you to break that spell/curse.

And what exactly did you contribute to the world by posting this?

I see from your own posts that you were a uniformed police officer. I thought as a public servant you might have a modicum of empathy for someone who clearly grew up with an abusive alcoholic parent. Obviously not.

I’m really sorry, I haven’t read the entire thread… You may well already be aware, (and I’m sure someone will also already have mentioned this) but just in case - you may find it really worthwhile to seek out Al Anon and attend some meetings.
They offer a lot online now, so you don’t have to go in person. This is not the same as AA.
Al Anon is for people who are affected by alcoholism because of their current or past relationships with alcoholics. It’s an amazing resource, you’ll be met with a lot of understanding and support, and it’s very easy to access.
💐

No. When I was 12 we were all allowed into town on our own (literally all as it was the rule at the high school I went to that year 7s weren't allowed into town but year 8 and above were) so all got an hour of wandering around town. Because of that, everyone at that age was given free reign in the evenings, in the summer til around 9 or so. So your one evening was pretty much an average evening for a lot of people.

More concern to me is that she was that drunk and that you were upset and she didn't notice.

I mean quite honestly when I was 13 we used to walk around asking random people if we could do odd jobs like water their plants etc.

I will say though that obviously something was wrong and don't compare yourself to others. I put those examples in to compare about the age thing (age 12 etc). No one on here can really tell you if it was right or not. To me it is more about how she treated you (essentially ignored you that night and didn't care what happened to you from what I can tell).