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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby, DH and stag do

169 replies

Caz191 · 19/02/2023 11:54

Firsr baby due mid May, DH has been invited on an abroad stag do in September. Obviously I’m fine with him going but originally it was Fri-Sun, he’s just confirmed the dates and it’s Thursday-Sunday and the flight times means he’d be gone 6am on the Thursday until 10pm on the Sunday. Plus I don’t think he’ll be very helpful for at least a day on his return.
I know the baby will be 4 months by then but would it be unreasonable for me to ask him only to do 3 nights? I don’t know if I’m being OTT with it being my first baby and it is only one extra night than he thought. Most stag do’s he goes on are only 2-3 nights, 4 seems quite long. I know I’d manage on my own but I don’t really want to, not sure if I’m being a bit selfish.
He also has a work conference in the US in September too so will be away 4-5 nights then which is unavoidable.

OP posts:

ApiratesaysYarrr · 19/02/2023 17:59

DifficultBloodyWoman · 19/02/2023 11:57

I was going to say that you were being unreasonable until I read that he has a wok trip planned as well.

i would be fine if he only had to or wanted to do one of the trips. But the combination of the two takes him away for longer than I would be happy with.

But the 2 trips are several months apart, I would take your point if stag do was in May and work trip in June, but there is a much longer gap between the 2 trips.

MMoon23 · 19/02/2023 18:02

mikado1 · 19/02/2023 13:14

Will you have any other support for these days? If yes and you'll have company and some breaks, no problem, and you can have a break yourself some time, otherwise, I think you're reasonable to ask for the slightly shorter 'weekend'!

100% this.

I don’t have these things and I would have really struggled alone for 4 nights at 4 months

Ponoka7 · 19/02/2023 18:08

I hope all of the pregnant Mums to be, who post worried about booking onto Hen/Birthday etc small trips away, when their babies are a few + months old read this. They usually get slaughtered for even considering it.

Simonjt · 19/02/2023 18:13

Obviously no birth, but my husband went away for three nights when our daughter had been home a similar amount of time, it was fine, especially as I wasn’t back at work, so id she had been unsettled at night it wasn’t the end of the world as I could nap once my son was at school.

toomuchlaundry · 19/02/2023 18:18

@ApiratesaysYarrr the stag do and work trip are in the same month.
The holiday is a few weeks before giving birth

Sapphire387 · 19/02/2023 18:26

I think he's being pretty shit going at all. You've said yourself, you wouldn't go off on a girls' trip for four nights when baby is four months old. So why is it OK for him to go?

maeveiscurious · 19/02/2023 18:34

@CanofCant

If you plan to married for a long time , giving and taking is part of being in the marriage.

I've had long weekends away from family my DH was fine with me taking time out. It goes both ways

Sparkmeonce · 19/02/2023 18:35

Sapphire387 · 19/02/2023 18:26

I think he's being pretty shit going at all. You've said yourself, you wouldn't go off on a girls' trip for four nights when baby is four months old. So why is it OK for him to go?

Just cause she wouldn’t do it, doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t and you keep forgetting, this isn’t a ‘lads weekend away’ it’s a STAG!

CanofCant · 19/02/2023 18:36

maeveiscurious · 19/02/2023 18:34

@CanofCant

If you plan to married for a long time , giving and taking is part of being in the marriage.

I've had long weekends away from family my DH was fine with me taking time out. It goes both ways

I know that thanks. We do the same as you and yours. It sounds different in the OP's case though so our experiences are irrelevant. Cheers for the life lesson though. 👍🏻

ApiratesaysYarrr · 19/02/2023 18:39

toomuchlaundry · 19/02/2023 18:18

@ApiratesaysYarrr the stag do and work trip are in the same month.
The holiday is a few weeks before giving birth

Ah yes, my bad, sorry I had misread.

20viona · 19/02/2023 18:42

I don't see the issue at all by 4 months you will be fine alone. Book yourself a break too!

wouldthatbeworse · 19/02/2023 18:42

Yanbu. Personally I thought 4 months was quite tough. All the adrenaline and excitement is wearing off and the sleep deficit is building. 2 nights max. I’d also be unhappy about the work trip but would suck that up.

BubziOwl · 19/02/2023 18:45

At 4 months old, my son was really unsettled and I was really struggling.

Equally I've known women who have unicorn babies, and they feel life is totally manageable back to normal after two weeks.

There's just no way of knowing until the time. Lots of women might have lasting physical problems, and PPD or PPA is rarely mentioned on this threads but it's hardly unusual!

I also think it's funny how different the responses can be on the threads where a new mum contemplates going away for even just one night.

We're relatively young so not many aside from us are married yet. The only stag dos my husband has been on have just been one-day activity type things like paintballing. I'm grateful my husband has no interest in these multi day benders, as I'd find it quite unattractive tbh...

SunshineAndFizz · 19/02/2023 18:53

If you're not bothered overall, one extra night will be fine.

Bank it, and make sure you have 4 nights away with the girls (or 2 x 2 nights) 👍🏻

Devoutspoken · 19/02/2023 18:55

It's massively indulgent of the groom

zurala · 19/02/2023 19:00

At four months the sleep regression for both of mine had me on my knees, and I still had severe pnd at that point.
I think, given he's no idea how you will be coping then, he's being unreasonable unless he is able to cancel nearer the time should you need him to.

AllOfThemWitches · 19/02/2023 19:13

Devoutspoken · 19/02/2023 18:55

It's massively indulgent of the groom

I agree, he needs to get over himself.

toomuchlaundry · 19/02/2023 19:23

I agree that stags and hens that are more than a couple of days and abroad are very indulgent. We had 5 weddings in one year including ours. No way could we have afforded (in time and money) the time for 4 day hens/stags

Sunriseinwonderland · 20/02/2023 14:16

mummyh2016 · 19/02/2023 16:46

Have I missed the post about them going to a strip club? Unless I've missed something all we know is that it's abroad

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They didn't say that but I'd bet my last penny that's what will be involved.

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