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Original poster

Baby, DH and stag do

169 replies

Caz191 · 19/02/2023 11:54

Firsr baby due mid May, DH has been invited on an abroad stag do in September. Obviously I’m fine with him going but originally it was Fri-Sun, he’s just confirmed the dates and it’s Thursday-Sunday and the flight times means he’d be gone 6am on the Thursday until 10pm on the Sunday. Plus I don’t think he’ll be very helpful for at least a day on his return.
I know the baby will be 4 months by then but would it be unreasonable for me to ask him only to do 3 nights? I don’t know if I’m being OTT with it being my first baby and it is only one extra night than he thought. Most stag do’s he goes on are only 2-3 nights, 4 seems quite long. I know I’d manage on my own but I don’t really want to, not sure if I’m being a bit selfish.
He also has a work conference in the US in September too so will be away 4-5 nights then which is unavoidable.

OP posts:
Movingsoon21 · 19/02/2023 16:50

@GoodChat ie absolute mugs who are happy to let their husbands opt out of family life?

cptartapp · 19/02/2023 16:53

MajorCarolDanvers · 19/02/2023 11:57

My DH travelled a lot for work when ours were babes. It's a hassle but one extra night really doesn't make that much difference.

If you are anxious can you get your mum or MIL to come and stay with you.

Or your DF or FIL.

Sparkmeonce · 19/02/2023 16:54

Completely hear what you are saying, but it’s a stag do! They will be looking forward to it and for many it’s a once in a lifetime event. If it’s a mate I think it’s pretty harsh to miss it

GoodChat · 19/02/2023 16:58

Movingsoon21 · 19/02/2023 16:50

@GoodChat ie absolute mugs who are happy to let their husbands opt out of family life?

It's possible to find a balance between no social life and no family life.

CanofCant · 19/02/2023 17:01

It is possible. It tends to usually be a bit more difficult to do so in the early days though.

Meandfour · 19/02/2023 17:01

Sunriseinwonderland · 19/02/2023 15:59

My brother in law cancelled ALL of his activities when his baby was born. He wanted to be there to raise his child and do half the nights. Cancelled a work trop to. Because that's what decent fathers do not hang out in lap dancing clubs and get drunk.

Did he quit his job then? It sounds like you’re saying you have to be with a child all the time to “raise” them. If his job involved travel I assume he wouldn’t do that either?

Sparkmeonce · 19/02/2023 17:14

Sunriseinwonderland · 19/02/2023 15:59

My brother in law cancelled ALL of his activities when his baby was born. He wanted to be there to raise his child and do half the nights. Cancelled a work trop to. Because that's what decent fathers do not hang out in lap dancing clubs and get drunk.

Lap dancing clubs and getting drunk are practically what a stag do is about. Bit harsh to say he can go on one but can’t go to a stripe club? Or get drunk. To be fair often it’s the getting drunk that leads to the club.

toomuchlaundry · 19/02/2023 17:17

Maybe it’s time lapdancing clubs should not be what stag nights are about

GoodChat · 19/02/2023 17:18

toomuchlaundry · 19/02/2023 17:17

Maybe it’s time lapdancing clubs should not be what stag nights are about

It's already not what they're about - apart from maybe for the ex husbands of the women who are always so bitter about men having social lives

AllOfThemWitches · 19/02/2023 17:20

I can't believe women are naive enough to have babies without taking into account the possibility that the dads won't be around that much.

JenniferBooth · 19/02/2023 17:22

Harsh to say he cant go to a strip club? Ah poor Diddums

I would not date a man who went to one of these places

Sparkmeonce · 19/02/2023 17:22

toomuchlaundry · 19/02/2023 17:17

Maybe it’s time lapdancing clubs should not be what stag nights are about

I think if I was getting married, for the 3rd time, and my wife got a stripper from her bridesmaids for her hen and I wasn’t even ‘allowed’ to get one lap dance I’d be pretty cheesed off indeed!
it’s supposed to be one last night of freedom with your boys not a sedate weekend at the church fair drinking cups of tea

JenniferBooth · 19/02/2023 17:23

Im not interested in male strippers either.

Sparkmeonce · 19/02/2023 17:25

JenniferBooth · 19/02/2023 17:23

Im not interested in male strippers either.

Yeah but maybe others or your SO might be. It’s generally a better state of play if everyone just lives and let lives rather than control everyone else

JenniferBooth · 19/02/2023 17:28

Well thats one of the reasons why im child free by choice So doing what you like is on an equal footing.

GoodChat · 19/02/2023 17:29

@Sparkmeonce or maybe if you had a bit more respect for the women you're marrying you wouldn't be considering your third last night of freedom...

Mummyof287 · 19/02/2023 17:30

Pippylongstock · 19/02/2023 12:02

I think it’s really sensible to be cautious about this. You have no idea how you will feel, what will happen with the birth, what kind of sleeper your baby is. Honestly 4 nights feels really excessive. He will have many opportunities to go away when your baby is older.

Agree! 4 months can be tricky sleep wise with the common regression then too...why should he get to go away partying for nights on end and you have to be 'parent', he needs to put stuff like this on hold whilst your child is so young....maybe one night away would be acceptable but not multiple ones! Comes across selfish to me.

JenniferBooth · 19/02/2023 17:33

Yeah @GoodChat A real once in a lifetime event isnt it.

a once in a lifetime event that some men go to several times Their own and their mates.

5128gap · 19/02/2023 17:34

Sparkmeonce · 19/02/2023 17:22

I think if I was getting married, for the 3rd time, and my wife got a stripper from her bridesmaids for her hen and I wasn’t even ‘allowed’ to get one lap dance I’d be pretty cheesed off indeed!
it’s supposed to be one last night of freedom with your boys not a sedate weekend at the church fair drinking cups of tea

Show quote history

I'm sure with such a progressive enlightened fiancé at home the 3rd Mrs Spark to be would have no interest in strippers. 😂

toomuchlaundry · 19/02/2023 17:34

Surely we have moved on in civilisation terms than seeing a stag night as the last night of freedom

ladymacbeth · 19/02/2023 17:41

I think the bigger question @Caz191, is what would he think about you going away for four nights when the baby was 4 months old, assuming it wasn't exclusively breast fed?

If he'd be fine with that, then yes this is fine. But if he wouldn't be fine with it....

Motheranddaughter · 19/02/2023 17:47

This would not concern me

CanofCant · 19/02/2023 17:48

Also as lovely as this annual holiday tradition is, would he be willing to forgo it in the future if you as a family are going through a rough patch and it's not feasible or will he have to go because otherwise he'd let all his friends down?

Yes I've been reading too many threads in the relationship topic.

AllOfThemWitches · 19/02/2023 17:50

I think if I was getting married, for the 3rd time, and my wife got a stripper from her bridesmaids for her hen and I wasn’t even ‘allowed’ to get one lap dance I’d be pretty cheesed off indeed!

Ew I feel sorry for whichever stripper gets lumbered with you. 😆

JenniferBooth · 19/02/2023 17:54

@Sparkmeonce Are you equating a private lap dance with a stripper at a hen do? No wonder you are twice divorced.

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