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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him to pay

166 replies

Robinkitty · 19/02/2023 09:48

If you paid for a weekend away, brought dinner the first night would you expect the other person to pay for food the next night? Important to add the other person is skint and the food intended to be ordered cost less than £20?

OP posts:
UmbilicusProfundus · 19/02/2023 09:48

This isn’t going to work

Twiglets1 · 19/02/2023 09:49

Yes I would expect them to pay for a cheap meal on the second night

Binfluencer · 19/02/2023 09:49

Define 'skint'

ZekeZeke · 19/02/2023 09:49

If you knew the other person was skint when you booked YABU.
How did you expect them to pay knowing they had no money? They probably assumed they were being taken away on an all paid weekend

Goingundergroundagain · 19/02/2023 09:49

Too right!

MatildaTheCat · 19/02/2023 09:50

Does he even have £20 and what was the intention of the weekend? If you offered a paid for weekend knowing he was skint then in probably was unreasonable to hope he’d pay.

I wouldn’t be super impressed though.

BreviloquentBastard · 19/02/2023 09:52

Honestly if I'd treated someone to a weekend away I would expect all costs of that treat to be covered by me. I wouldn't say no if they offered to pay or split, but I wouldn't expect it. Especially if I knew they were skint and I was not skint.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 19/02/2023 09:52

If you pay for a weekend away with a skint person how can they pay anyway since you paid for it and they are skint?

DrMarciaFieldstone · 19/02/2023 09:54

Going away with people who are ‘skint’ is never going to work.

Starseeed · 19/02/2023 09:54

I wouldn’t expect anyone to magically know I wanted them to pay for something. Was there any communication between you about who would pay for what?

Merryoldgoat · 19/02/2023 09:55

More context is needed here.

If I were skint I wouldn’t go away. If someone told me they were taking me away knowing I was skint and talked me into it and then expected me to pay then I’d be really upset.

If I took someone away as a treat then I’d expect to pay for all of it if I sold it as a ‘treat’.

If it’s a planned weekend away with a couple, one said I’ll pay x but you buy dinner on the second night then that’s what I’d expect to happen.

If this is a person who perpetually expects to pay nothing and is a sponge then I’d not be taking them away.

plumduck · 19/02/2023 09:56

If the person who took person B on holiday knew B was skint then they are being ridiculous to expect them to buy a meal. It should have been discussed before hand

Changingplace · 19/02/2023 09:57

Depends how ‘skint’ the other person is, had this been discussed up front?

Did they have absolutely 0 money and think as everything else was covered the £20 meal would be?

If it was sprung on them without discussion they may not have £20, how was the trip discussed in advance?

pinkyredrose · 19/02/2023 09:58

If you're taking someone away then you should pay.

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 19/02/2023 09:58

If someone told me they were taking me on a weekend away I'd initially decline because I'm skint. If they insisted I'd probably assume they were paying for it all and I'd be both mortified and upset to realise I was then expected to spend money I don't have.

Fuckstix · 19/02/2023 10:01

Well it would usually be polite to offer to pay for a meal if invited away, but if you were invited by someone who knew you were skint then no, they shouldn't expect that.

Sunriseinwonderland · 19/02/2023 10:04

I don't go out with people who expect me to pay for everything. I don't care whether they are skint or not. It shows a huge lack of respect on his part expecting you to pay for everything. What kind of a man is he?

MaybeSmaller · 19/02/2023 10:06

If you whisk a person who you know is skint away on holiday then you should be paying for all of it unless agreed otherwise beforehand.

If you expected differently, then you should have discussed it before the holiday, but that may well have led to them deciding they couldn't afford the holiday. A "skint" person may not just have £20 in their pocket to drop on one meal out, that might well be their entire food budget for a week!

donquixotedelamancha · 19/02/2023 10:08

In the unlikely event I'm taking someone, who can't afford it, on a weekend away I'd probably pay for everything. They need to be bloody good in bed, though.

MaybeSmaller · 19/02/2023 10:09

Sunriseinwonderland · 19/02/2023 10:04

I don't go out with people who expect me to pay for everything. I don't care whether they are skint or not. It shows a huge lack of respect on his part expecting you to pay for everything. What kind of a man is he?

If skint by definition then they can't afford to pay. That's different to being able to afford it and refusing to pay!

ChrisPPancake · 19/02/2023 10:11

"Hey OH, I'm taking you away for the weekend" = I'm paying.
"Shall we go away together?" = Splitting costs possibly implied.

I don't think it's ever right to assume someone else will pay, but if I was on limited funds and my partner was aware of that I'd expect it to be taken into consideration.

billy1966 · 19/02/2023 10:11

DrMarciaFieldstone · 19/02/2023 09:54

Going away with people who are ‘skint’ is never going to work.

This.

Having a dynamic where one party is treating and the other has no money usually, is nothing but drama down the line.

I wouldn't waste time with someone who cant at least pay their way.

I wouldn't see the point of it.

MichelleScarn · 19/02/2023 10:11

Whose idea was the weekend away?

RealBecca · 19/02/2023 10:12

It just wont work.

Its unfair to expect someone skint to spend beyond their means.

Either both live within the means of the skint person or pay for everything with no expectations.

Escapingmadness · 19/02/2023 10:12

If they are skint, there's no money. No idea how you come to be in this position buy get a cheap meal tonight, you pay, and try to learn for the future from whatever caused you to be in this position.