Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

To expect him to pay

166 replies

Robinkitty · 19/02/2023 09:48

If you paid for a weekend away, brought dinner the first night would you expect the other person to pay for food the next night? Important to add the other person is skint and the food intended to be ordered cost less than £20?

OP posts:

JMSA · 19/02/2023 10:14

Bloody hell, yes!

SamanthaCaine · 19/02/2023 10:14

Well obviously if you knew the other person was skint, you're a dick for expecting them to stump up £20. What's the agenda here? To make him look and feel crap because you've got all the money?

Switch sexes and the man would be twat for creating an impossible scenario.

Ponoka7 · 19/02/2023 10:14

Would them paying mean that they are living on koka noodles and sitting in the dark until the next pay day? Who decided to go away? If you are skint, you are skint. There's a lot of threads on here were the PILs offer to pay for dinner and just don't get that buying drinks is too much for the OP. Skinny means different things to different people.

JMSA · 19/02/2023 10:14

I wouldn't date anyone who is skint though.

JMSA · 19/02/2023 10:15

Sorry, I assumed it was a romantic/relationship thing, but I could well be wrong about that.

MintJulia · 19/02/2023 10:16

It depends.

If you knew he has serious money problems, huge debts, on benefits and no money at all, then you are being unreasonable.

He can obviously afford to eat at home but £20 for someone on £77 a week benefits is unaffordable. It doesn't matter what else you have paid for.

If, on the other hand, he has money and just doesn't like spending it, then no, that's not acceptable.

Either way, you need to spend your weekends away with someone else, or self catering in a tent.

TomatoSandwiches · 19/02/2023 10:17

Not enough context to vote imo.

ReneBumsWombats · 19/02/2023 10:18

If they're skint, they may have understood from you that the whole weekend was on you. Do you know how much "under £20" is if you're skint? Why take someone away and expect them to pay if they're skint?

I think it depends on the conversation you had when arranging it and what you both understood it to be.

At any rate, if he's on much less than you, then you have a choice to live down to his income or up to yours...with the resulting consequences either way. To be honest, awkwardness and resentfulness around money is a relationship death knell.

EyesOnThePies · 19/02/2023 10:21

If I invited the skint person for a weekend away, my idea, I wanted to do it and knew they were skint, I would pay all weekend.

If it was a jointly planned thing and skint person was all ‘oh let’s do a weekend’ I would expect them to make some contribution or would accept a cheap meal as a fair contribution.

Starseeking · 19/02/2023 10:26

I've actually just come back from a similar weekend away with a friend, so I hope she doesn't read this and think it's me!

In any case, I offered to treat her to a £££ weekend away which we both desperately needed. I didn't expect her to spend a penny, as she's not got much money and I have loads.

I paid for the luxury room, and made sure to include breakfast, dinner in the evenings and our spa treatments. If you offer to treat someone, it has to be a genuine kindness, I don't think your situation sounds like that, as someone somewhere was expecting payback.

For context we've been friends for over 30 years, so have absolutely no "expectations" of each other, if that makes a difference.

AGoodFaceForRadio · 19/02/2023 10:26

This smells like journalist running an article on a unexpected twist in the CoL crisis.

MaryJean87 · 19/02/2023 10:29

If you knew he was skint and you took him away, then it's on you. It would be nice for him to offer to pay if he could afford it. But as he's skint, maybe he literally didn't have any money or needed that money for something else. Why didn't you discuss who was going to pay for what? If you're in a relationship with someone then you should be able to talk about this kind of stuff.

AGoodFaceForRadio · 19/02/2023 10:30

AGoodFaceForRadio · 19/02/2023 10:26

This smells like journalist running an article on a unexpected twist in the CoL crisis.

Objection withdrawn.

ILoveASpreadsheet · 19/02/2023 10:32

BreviloquentBastard · 19/02/2023 09:52

Honestly if I'd treated someone to a weekend away I would expect all costs of that treat to be covered by me. I wouldn't say no if they offered to pay or split, but I wouldn't expect it. Especially if I knew they were skint and I was not skint.

I agree with this.

hekissedmybottom · 19/02/2023 10:33

You brought the food with you? From home?

Crumpetdisappointment · 19/02/2023 10:36

skint
equals not able to afford £20 @Robinkitty

DelphiniumBlue · 19/02/2023 10:36

I think it depends on how skit they are - not having a lot of spare cash is not the same as living on benefits. I think some kind of token offer would be nice - coffee maybe? A thank you meal cooked by them once you are back home?
Anyway, whats the circumstances?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/02/2023 10:41

Impossible to say without further context, but like the PP I'd ceertainly expect some sort of gesture, even if it was just an offer to cook when you got back

AioliandChips · 19/02/2023 10:45

You brought the food with you? From home?

We often buy a few nice things from M&S on the way, if we can't be arsed sitting waiting around in a restaurant.

Chowtime · 19/02/2023 10:47

It's really not much fun dating someone who is skint is it? And it's always you that has to pay if the other party has no money. I'd rather put that money in my pension fund lol.

Honeyroar · 19/02/2023 10:48

No. It’s wrong to expect someone skint to come away with you and pay half once you get there just because you’ve whisked them away. If you’d discussed it up front they’d probably have declined to come.

Butchyrestingface · 19/02/2023 10:48

How can they pay for dinner if they are "skint"?

What do you want them to do - sell a kidney on eBay to raise funds?

pinkyredrose · 19/02/2023 10:48

donquixotedelamancha · 19/02/2023 10:08

In the unlikely event I'm taking someone, who can't afford it, on a weekend away I'd probably pay for everything. They need to be bloody good in bed, though.

😂

KatherineJaneway · 19/02/2023 10:50

DrMarciaFieldstone · 19/02/2023 09:54

Going away with people who are ‘skint’ is never going to work.

This ^

If they don't have money, how can they pay for dinner? Also, why would the person taking them away expect payment for a meal knowing they are skint?

Emptyandsad · 19/02/2023 10:51

donquixotedelamancha · 19/02/2023 10:08

In the unlikely event I'm taking someone, who can't afford it, on a weekend away I'd probably pay for everything. They need to be bloody good in bed, though.

If they're bloody good in bed perhaps you wouldn't be going out to eat much anyway - keep a couple of mars bars one the bedside table...

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7