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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect him to pay

166 replies

Robinkitty · 19/02/2023 09:48

If you paid for a weekend away, brought dinner the first night would you expect the other person to pay for food the next night? Important to add the other person is skint and the food intended to be ordered cost less than £20?

OP posts:

Benjispruce4 · 19/02/2023 10:52

If he is skint, did you not discuss beforehand? In that situation is the weekend away a treat from you to him? Would you enjoy a meal bought by someone if you knew they were struggling financially?

LoekMa · 19/02/2023 10:52

You cant possibly be this desperate .

Therealjudgejudy · 19/02/2023 10:53

More context needed

Kassiopeia · 19/02/2023 10:54

TBH if I were the 'skint' party, I'd buy ingredients and cook a meal as it's bound to be cheaper and a great gesture to actually cook for someone.

PaigeMatthews · 19/02/2023 10:55

Important to add the other person is skint

they are skint so it doesnt matter if it is £20 or £200 for the meal.

what is important is to know why they are skint? Is it short term pain for long term gain, like training for a much better job? Is it a one off, like needs a new gear box? Is it a lack of money management? Or a longterm situation, low skilled, low paid, little option? I think knowing why is much more important for future holidays and living standards.

billy1966 · 19/02/2023 10:56

hekissedmybottom · 19/02/2023 10:33

You brought the food with you? From home?

Absolutely.

I've gone to 5* hotel cottages/apartments with friends for a weekend.
First night we bring nibbles, bread, cheese etc. and wine and catch up in our pj's, having usually come directly from work, it was all we wanted to do.

The second night we would go out for dinner.

A very normal thing to do.

Calphurnia88 · 19/02/2023 10:57

Another vote for more context needed.

If this was a surprise weekend away then YABU to expect the recipient to pay expenses, especially if you knew they were skint. However if this was a birthday treat (for example) that was prearranged then I can understand why you might expect to share day to say costs once you are there, except perhaps a birthday meal.

If this is a new partner then this probably isn't going to work out. Money isn't everything but in the real world major financial discrepancies (one of you can afford a surprise weekend away, the other can't afford a £20 meal) tend to be a romance killer.

MrsRandom123 · 19/02/2023 10:58

No, if i booked it i would be expecting to pay whether they were skint or not.

Fixed · 19/02/2023 11:01

If you took someone away as your choice and you paid then you can't expect someone skint to magic up money. But if you both decided to go and you offered to pay for the weekend then yes I'd expect this person to have been able to pay for something if it was a joint decision to go and you paying for it was an after conversation.

rothbury · 19/02/2023 11:01

I have taken people away for the weekend and paid for everything because I had the money and they didn’t (skint students)

On occasion they might offer to pay for coffee and croissants or similar, but that’s not expected.

It sounds like there was poor communication or lack of understanding here OP? But if you offered someone a weekend away as a treat, you should be prepared to pay for everything, especially if you know they are skint.

Whiskeypowers · 19/02/2023 11:02

skint is skint
if I were that person I’d feel ambushed since I’d made my situation perfectly clear beforehand

2chocolateoranges · 19/02/2023 11:07

I wouldn’t book a break away with someone I knee who couldn’t afford to pay their way.

QuillBill · 19/02/2023 11:09

I’d be passed off I told someone I was skint and was then expected to pay for their dinner.

Teaandtoast3 · 19/02/2023 11:16

Like most people have said. That was never going to work if they are actually skint.

Doodaadoo · 19/02/2023 11:25

Could this be a sibling? If so, no. A friend, I’d hope they’d offer, but if I knew they were skint then I wouldn’t let them pay. But it depends how wealthy you are really. If you have enough money, don’t ask a skint person to pay. If you’re struggling, don’t go on holiday and invite another person. I say all this in context of having been very poor, but now having a good income…

rexythedinosaur · 19/02/2023 11:31

Completely depends what was agreed before you went away. If they are 'skint' then how are they supposed to pay for anything? Did you lead them to think they were being taken for an all-paid weekend away?

PinkStarAtNight · 19/02/2023 11:32

Need more info from you.

Is this a friend, family member or someone you're in a relationship with?

How did the idea of going away for the weekend come about? Why are you paying for the weekend away?

Exactly what is your definition of skint? For some people this means they have literally no money in their wallet, for some it means they're down to their last few thousand pounds in savings...

Agree with others that if you offered to take this person away for the weekend knowing they were 'skint' in the truest sense of the word, then they're not unreasonable for assuming you will pay for everything and you can't really spring it on them whilst away.

PhillySub · 19/02/2023 11:47

The rules should have been sorted out before you went.

TessoftheDubonnet · 19/02/2023 11:47

@Robinkitty - you've had 67 replies. Are you ever going to come back and tell us what is actually going on?

butterfliedtwo · 19/02/2023 11:48

ZekeZeke · 19/02/2023 09:49

If you knew the other person was skint when you booked YABU.
How did you expect them to pay knowing they had no money? They probably assumed they were being taken away on an all paid weekend

Yeah, agree with this tbh.

Rodneyisaplonker · 19/02/2023 11:51

Not if they are skint no. I’d not book a holiday for someone skint if I wasn’t willing to pay.

daisychain01 · 19/02/2023 11:51

If a grown adult so skint they don't even have £20 to pay their fair share of a date, then I cannot see how it would be a good start to a relationship. It wouldn't exactly fill me with hope for the future. Why would you want to get involved with that financial disparity so early on, OP?

kitsuneghost · 19/02/2023 11:53

Maybe she really really wanted sex and was happy to pay to for it via a weekend away cause it seems less seedy than cash in hand.

daisychain01 · 19/02/2023 11:54

Definitely agree that more context is needed. Skint could be shorthand for "Im a cocklodger type in the making" or even "Im as tight as a duck's backside on £100K a year" for all we know.

Original poster

Robinkitty · 19/02/2023 11:55

Thanks for responses. I’m struggling a bit financially too which he knew about but had just enough to cover accommodation and a cheap break away, this was from savings I have squirrelled away and I thought it would be worth treating us as a new couple. I brought all food and snacks including breakfasts and as I said the takeaway was less than £20 so would have been a cost for his food over 2 days of £20. This is not unaffordable for him in terms of there is money in the bank etc but I’m just trying to work out if I’m being used financially. There have been other incidences too and he does know my financial situation, I’m a single mum and earn very little. He earns more than me. He didn’t get the takeaway I ended up paying and I feel like a mug. I’m very generous with what little I have and I feel used to be honest..

OP posts:

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