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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him to pay

166 replies

Robinkitty · 19/02/2023 09:48

If you paid for a weekend away, brought dinner the first night would you expect the other person to pay for food the next night? Important to add the other person is skint and the food intended to be ordered cost less than £20?

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 19/02/2023 12:38

@Robinkitty Never mind what you want to talk about :-) Did you bring the snacks and breakie or did you buy them?

P.S. Yes, you've been a bit of a mug. You should have told him it was his turn to pay. Never mind, lesson learned. I hope the sex was worth it.

Original poster
Robinkitty · 19/02/2023 12:39

BungleandGeorge · 19/02/2023 12:32

Was it a joint decision to go away?

No it was more of “I have £100 saved up and I thought it would be really nice to get away together for the weekend, would you like to come?” “yes that would be nice” “ok I’ll go to the supermarket and get dinner for the first night and some bread and milk”

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 19/02/2023 12:40

If you are a single parent struggling financially it’s pretty dumb to pay for someone else’s weekend away , in future , with anyone , it should be half upfront or no one goes .

2bazookas · 19/02/2023 12:43

Clearly you misunderstand "skint".

Cosyblankets · 19/02/2023 12:44

You need to be much more clear about what you're offering.

BungleandGeorge · 19/02/2023 12:46

Sorry I think if you invited him then it’s probably your responsibility to pay. Or you should have made the financial split clear before you went. Yes you’d hope
that someone would feel they wanted to contribute but he may not have been that keen on going or may genuinely not have the money. I’d start the relationship on a more equal basis, joint decisions and payments unless it’s at your invitation (eg special occasion) otherwise you’re open to a freeloader

Redebs · 19/02/2023 12:48

BreviloquentBastard · 19/02/2023 09:52

Honestly if I'd treated someone to a weekend away I would expect all costs of that treat to be covered by me. I wouldn't say no if they offered to pay or split, but I wouldn't expect it. Especially if I knew they were skint and I was not skint.

Yep

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 19/02/2023 12:49

Robinkitty · 19/02/2023 12:39

No it was more of “I have £100 saved up and I thought it would be really nice to get away together for the weekend, would you like to come?” “yes that would be nice” “ok I’ll go to the supermarket and get dinner for the first night and some bread and milk”

Show quote history

As you invited him, I think it's up to you to pay for it.

ImprobablePuffin · 19/02/2023 13:02

It's mean of him not to offer to get dinner on second night but the weekend away was your idea and you invited him to go wi to you so in that sense he's not using you but his morals are still questionable re not offering to get dinner knowing you paid for everything else.

You were silly though to spend your hard earned savings on some bloke who doesn't sound like he's proved himself worthy at this point.

RichardHeed · 19/02/2023 13:06

AGoodFaceForRadio · 19/02/2023 10:26

This smells like journalist running an article on a unexpected twist in the CoL crisis.

Would explain the misuse of brought too… Journalism standards are terrible these days.

Americano75 · 19/02/2023 13:09

He's a user. Dump him. Trust me on this.

MoreSleepPleasee · 19/02/2023 13:11

If my partner took me for a weekend away I'd part expect them to cover all costs but of course I would not allow that and would pay my share.

JMSA · 19/02/2023 13:11

Ditch the scrounger. I could never respect a man who doesn't pay his way.

MoreSleepPleasee · 19/02/2023 13:14

Just see you're a single mum. My new partner always trys to pay for me as he says I have more responsibilities and bills than him ( I'm a single mum). So that's bad of him to know your financial situation and not pay his share.

burnoutbabe · 19/02/2023 13:18

if normally we shared paying for dates and he'd be paying for a date anyway this weekend, i'd expect that.

(though he may well be the sort of bloke who just comes by your house and you always cook so all costs on you anyway?)

so yes, i'd probably dump as he doesn't think it WORTH spending money on you.

Sandra1984 · 19/02/2023 13:20

plumduck · 19/02/2023 09:56

If the person who took person B on holiday knew B was skint then they are being ridiculous to expect them to buy a meal. It should have been discussed before hand

This. A skint person can't afford a weekend away anyway, so if you invite them you will have to treat them.

BashfulClam · 19/02/2023 13:31

You brought food or bought food. If you brought it with you is it self catering? They could have chipped in some groceries. If you mean you bought meals out did you say ‘I’ll get this, could you get us lunch tomorrow’?

When husband and I go away we split it by buying it from our joint account and putting half each back in.

grumpycow1 · 19/02/2023 13:32

How are they meant to pay if they’re skint??? Maybe they shouldn’t have accepted the weekend away if they couldn’t contribute but if you said you were happy to pay then YABU. If they weren’t skint then yes it would be nice to offer but not essential as you offered to take them away. If this is a partner then it’s a bit of a mismatch…

Nocutenamesleft · 19/02/2023 13:32

No. If they had no money I would 100000% not ask them to pay for dinner

Smoothlines · 19/02/2023 13:44

No. Of course not. If they are skint, they can’t afford £20 on a meal. What do you expect them to pay with? If you offered them a trip away, with no discussion about costs, and you know they are skint, you should pay for all and not put them in an awkward position.

PumpkinQueen1 · 19/02/2023 13:45

He doesn't sound like he's bringing much to the table, to be honest, and is taking advantage of you.
Better to go your separate ways, and look after yourself and your children.

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 19/02/2023 13:47

Sorry but if you are totally skint, you say no to the trip. It is just basic manera to assume that if somebody is paying for accommodation and brought dinner the first night you would have to contribute with something as well, even if it is a cup of coffee and sandwiches at a bench in a park.

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 19/02/2023 13:52

Not being able to afford designer shoes doesn't = skint!

Calphurnia88 · 19/02/2023 13:56

If you're both struggling financially then a weekend away was a really bad idea.

The weekend away was your idea, but you discussed it with him in advance (as in it wasn't a surprise) so IMO it's bad form for him not to have contributed anything whilst you were there. It's just impolite.

Even if he isn't using you, it would make me reevaluate the relationship.

HRTQueen · 19/02/2023 13:59

If someone is skint then they are skint there is no money

if others choose to treat them that is their choice also a choice to take this up

I personally don’t as there have been many times and I have not got any spare money even £20 spare for dinner it’s nothing to some but to many it’s part of their budget that goes towards essentials