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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to tell this man to back off shouting at the pharmacist assistant?

356 replies

SurferRona · 18/02/2023 22:44

I was in a large pharmacists earlier to pick up antibiotics and a man being served by an assistant in front of me suddenly started shouting at her telling her to ‘say please, if you want me to pay’ that ‘you don’t just say that’ll be £21.01, you say please. Now say please and I’ll pay’, ‘I expect you to be courteous and say please to me, say please and I’ll pay’…. Properly angry. The woman was youngish and looked scared, and didn’t seem to know how to respond, or what to do. So I called across to him to back off, there was no need for that, couldn’t he see he was scaring her? He then turns on me telling me to keep out of it, nothing to do with me. I responded again saying it was to do with me as he was bullying a scared young woman, which was also racist (assistant looked to be of south Asian descent), there no need for it, and he was clearly just having a go at a young woman just trying to do her job. The male pharmacy manager then came over and the man quietened down. He then kept saying he wasn’t racist- but I thought it was as he wouldn’t have behaved like that to a white man serving him, and did quieten down once the male pharmacist came across. WIBU for intervening like that? My other half keeps telling me to keep my neb out of things like that, but I just kept thinking what if it were my daughter…. How else should I have dealt with it? If at all? I have no idea if I just made it worse for the young woman assistant☹️

OP posts:
AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 13:15

@Calphurnia88 you need to add the part about the Uk. You can just remind whoever it is that it is polite to say please and Thankyou.

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 13:16

toomuchlaundry · 20/02/2023 11:43

So if it is a cultural thing, are we possibly going back to the racist issue if someone doesn't use the word, but is polite in their manner, should we be pulling them up on it (obviously not by shouting at them)

Of course you should. Please and Thankyou is just basic politeness.

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 13:16

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 13:15

@Calphurnia88 you need to add the part about the Uk. You can just remind whoever it is that it is polite to say please and Thankyou.

*don't need to

PugInTheHouse · 20/02/2023 13:18

Not being unreasonable to stick up for her but definitely unreasonable for calling him racist. Literally nothing in your posts suggesting he was being racist.

PinkSyCo · 20/02/2023 13:20

Calphurnia88 · 20/02/2023 10:54

Once again, it's not racist to note that different races exist. Or that discrimination against people of different races happens. Because it does.

The you're a racist for thinking it was racist! line that gets dished out on these threads isn't the gotcha you think it is.

(That said, I don't think it was necessary for OP to mention racism. It was enough to give him a dressing down for how he spoke to her).

Show quote history

I’m not sure how you took what I said as a ‘gotcha’. Confused
And it wasn’t unnecessary to mention racism, it was downright wrong and probably made the shop assistant feel worse if anything.

BankOfDave · 20/02/2023 14:55

AutumnDaysConkers · 19/02/2023 21:59

@XenoBitch I always say please when I'm in a cafe. Do you not?
People in cafes/taxis etc are not servants. Of course you should say please. If you don't then you need to really start doing it.
Children are taught to say please and Thankyou from a very young age. If they can manage it I'm sure adults can.

Have you actually read @XenoBitch posts? She is talking about the cashier/sales asst NOT the customers.

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 15:11

@BankOfDave I am reading her posts.
Both ways it's important to say please and Thankyou. If you read my posts you will see that I've worked in a bakery, supermarket, cinema and always said please and Thankyou to my customers.

Myfabby · 20/02/2023 15:25

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 13:13

Just say please and Thankyou. it's not difficult. Children learn to say it as soon as they can speak

And when children don't, you launch into a tirade to ensure they do? @AutumnDaysConkers , are you deliberately being obtuse?

toomuchlaundry · 20/02/2023 15:27

If you say it automatically without really thinking about it, does it make it polite?

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 17:18

@Myfabby I wouldn't go into a tirade at anyone. If my children don't say please and Thankyou I gently remind them.
If adults don't say it I will just think that they are rude. If they continuously don't say it I would remind them.

Xol · 20/02/2023 18:16

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 11:18

@Xol I haven't acknowledged that at all. No I don't think those examples are polite. They would like demands. Which is why I said what is the harm in adding please.

Why are you so against saying please and Thankyou? It's basic manners.

I'm not in the least against saying please and thank you. I j just don't think that a shop assistant who says politely something like "That'll be £2.50, can I help you with anything else?" is being rude.

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 20:12

Well it's not polite to say that's £2.50.
You say that's £2.50 please.

It's not really hard to understand. 3 year olds understand the concept of please and Thankyou. I'm not sure why you don't seem to.

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 20:13

toomuchlaundry · 20/02/2023 15:27

If you say it automatically without really thinking about it, does it make it polite?

It just means you have really good manners.

melj1213 · 20/02/2023 20:26

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 20:12

Well it's not polite to say that's £2.50.
You say that's £2.50 please.

It's not really hard to understand. 3 year olds understand the concept of please and Thankyou. I'm not sure why you don't seem to.

And I'm not sure why you can't seem to understand the concept of someone still being polite despite not using a specific word ...

You can be polite without saying please and thank you and you can be rude whilst saying please and thank you.

Manners and please/thank you are not the same thing - using please and thank you is an example of manners but manners spread further than just using those specific words.

toomuchlaundry · 20/02/2023 20:35

So why is saying ‘that will be £2.50, can I help with anything else’ not polite?

If they just say ‘that will be £2.50, please’ is that more polite, even though they are not offering to help with anything else?

Calphurnia88 · 20/02/2023 20:41

I think this one's a lost cause @melj1213 @toomuchlaundry

mommydragonn · 20/02/2023 21:50

Good on you for standing up to him. Society needs more people like you. I also find it ridiculous, the amount of people who use please and thank you but many times just words. Their tone might be sarcastic or rude and things they say with these words might be hurtful. But as long as they say please or thank you. It makes it alright.

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 22:19

toomuchlaundry · 20/02/2023 20:35

So why is saying ‘that will be £2.50, can I help with anything else’ not polite?

If they just say ‘that will be £2.50, please’ is that more polite, even though they are not offering to help with anything else?

Say the whole sentence but just put please after the £2.50.

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 22:21

Calphurnia88 · 20/02/2023 20:41

I think this one's a lost cause @melj1213 @toomuchlaundry

If 'lost cause' means that I am aware how important it is to say please and Thankyou then I'm more than happy with that.

XenoBitch · 20/02/2023 22:27

Fucking hell.. try working in retail where you have to put up with shitty customers giving you grief for not saying please.
Like has been said a million times now, you can not say please and still be polite, like you can say please and sound rude as fuck.
Is someone chewing on gum and comes out with a monotone "£1.50 please" and glares at you like you are shit, more polite than someone who smiles and says "that will be £1.50".
FFS, these people you are moaning about are hardly on a fantastic wage. Customers are the ones who should be being nice and using please/thank you. That cashier is one tiny part of your day. Pricks who complain about no please and thank you are most of the cashiers. Be nice, ffs.

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 22:33

XenoBitch · 20/02/2023 22:27

Fucking hell.. try working in retail where you have to put up with shitty customers giving you grief for not saying please.
Like has been said a million times now, you can not say please and still be polite, like you can say please and sound rude as fuck.
Is someone chewing on gum and comes out with a monotone "£1.50 please" and glares at you like you are shit, more polite than someone who smiles and says "that will be £1.50".
FFS, these people you are moaning about are hardly on a fantastic wage. Customers are the ones who should be being nice and using please/thank you. That cashier is one tiny part of your day. Pricks who complain about no please and thank you are most of the cashiers. Be nice, ffs.

Ffs we all work whether it be in retail, care homes, cinema but guess what? People still manage to say please and Thankyou. It takes a second and is just really really basic good manners!

JudgeJ · 20/02/2023 22:35

silverclock222 · 18/02/2023 22:47

The only thing I disagree with is the racist aspect but apart from that good fir you!

Agree, not a racist incident. Maybe retail workers faced with such abuse should be told to walk away from the abuser, leave them standing there.

bellylaughsalldaylong · 20/02/2023 22:39

SurferRona · 18/02/2023 23:06

Thanks @VladmirsPoutine so do I. Nothing I could point to in the words he used, but that was 100% what I thought at the time and so I just said it. The use of that word to him seemed to be what made him check himself too, up until then he was happy to yell at me as much too 🤷‍♀️

No no no you engage your brain and don’t just say things because they pop into your head.

standing up for her was nice of you but saying he was racist was bang out of order. From what you’ve said there was nothing to indicate the man was racist.

i know it’s been said a million times but shouting someone’s racist when they’re not just devalues actual cases of racism

melj1213 · 20/02/2023 22:45

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 22:33

Ffs we all work whether it be in retail, care homes, cinema but guess what? People still manage to say please and Thankyou. It takes a second and is just really really basic good manners!

Show quote history

But just because they don't say it doesn't make them impolite either.

XenoBitch · 20/02/2023 22:49

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 22:33

Ffs we all work whether it be in retail, care homes, cinema but guess what? People still manage to say please and Thankyou. It takes a second and is just really really basic good manners!

Show quote history

Yes, because a carer expects a thanks after doing intimate care with a service user.
I can imagine the AIBU... "AIBU to expect a thanks from a service user when I wipe their arse"
FFS.