WIBU to tell this man to back off shouting at the pharmacist assistant?

[SurferRona]

I was in a large pharmacists earlier to pick up antibiotics and a man being served by an assistant in front of me suddenly started shouting at her telling her to ‘say please, if you want me to pay’ that ‘you don’t just say that’ll be £21.01, you say please. Now say please and I’ll pay’, ‘I expect you to be courteous and say please to me, say please and I’ll pay’…. Properly angry. The woman was youngish and looked scared, and didn’t seem to know how to respond, or what to do. So I called across to him to back off, there was no need for that, couldn’t he see he was scaring her? He then turns on me telling me to keep out of it, nothing to do with me. I responded again saying it was to do with me as he was bullying a scared young woman, which was also racist (assistant looked to be of south Asian descent), there no need for it, and he was clearly just having a go at a young woman just trying to do her job. The male pharmacy manager then came over and the man quietened down. He then kept saying he wasn’t racist- but I thought it was as he wouldn’t have behaved like that to a white man serving him, and did quieten down once the male pharmacist came across. WIBU for intervening like that? My other half keeps telling me to keep my neb out of things like that, but I just kept thinking what if it were my daughter…. How else should I have dealt with it? If at all? I have no idea if I just made it worse for the young woman assistant☹️

@Xol it does come across rude if you don't say please. It is not perfectly acceptable to say please and Thankyou. Who has told you/taught you this is acceptable?

*not

Well done, I have done this before, there are some real bullies about.
I wouldn't agree on the racist bit, but I agree if it was a bloke, white or black I doubt he would have been so nasty.

And OP, who was there and heard the tone of voice and saw the expressions and body language, thought this man was racist. So it's ludicrous to say you know better than her on that issue.

I don't understand your question. There is plenty of discussion on this thread about the fact that omitting to say please does not automatically make a shop assistant rude, whilst it can also be said in a manner that comes over as actively rude. You might like to review that discussion?

I responded again saying it was to do with me as he was bullying a scared young woman, which was also racist (assistant looked to be of south Asian descent)

Above are OP’s words. There is nothing to suggest that there was anything remotely racist about this man’s verbal attack, and OP automatically assuming there was actually makes me question whether she is in fact the racist.

@Xol it is rude not to say please and Thankyou. There is not much of a discussion to have about it. One of the first thing children are taught it to say please and Thankyou.
It is very important to say it as it shows respect, gratitude, politeness and demonstrates good manners.

It is polite to say please and thank you, but it's also possible to be polite without using those words. Presumably you don't insert please and thank you at the end of every sentence?

Once again, it's not racist to note that different races exist. Or that discrimination against people of different races happens. Because it does.

The you're a racist for thinking it was racist! line that gets dished out on these threads isn't the gotcha you think it is.

(That said, I don't think it was necessary for OP to mention racism. It was enough to give him a dressing down for how he spoke to her).

So look at some of the exchanges suggested upthread. "That'll be £2.50, would you like a carrier bag?"; "That's £22.35, is there anything else you need?"; "So with XYZ that comes to £8.56" - if all of those are said in a polite, pleasant tone of voice, are they all automatically rude? And if the assistant doesn't look at the customer, holds her hand out and says in a bored, grumpy or aggressive tone of voice "£3 please", is that automatically polite and grateful?

It's polite in the Uk to insert "please" at the end of every request.

So, as a matter of interest, would it be ok for someone the other side of the counter to behave the way this man did if a customer didn't say please or thank you? Because many people seem to feel his behaviour was justified by the lack of the word please. Would the situation in reverse be justified as well?

I have a feeling not, and there would likely be a side of outrage too, and the feeling the customer shouldn't have to use 'basic manners' and the other things that have been said here, about the lack of please, because they are a customer and therefore expect deference from the person serving them, which includes the right to not use basic manners themselves, while fully expecting them from others, as well as no concequences for any behaviour they feel like exhibiting today because they had a bad day or they don't feel well or they just like the rush from having a go at other people.

I do think customer service may improve if those doing the serving weren't so often treated like the enemy, and there weren't so many customers actively looking for a reason (or entirely making one up) to have a go at someone else they perceive to be below them in society, for the ego boost it gives.

Yes you can add a please with those examples.

With any line (depending on tone of voice) you can make it sound rude.

What's so hard saying 'that £2.99 please. Would you like help with anything else?

It's not right how he spoke to her. But at the same time it doesn't cost anything g to have manners and say please.
Otherwise it sounds like a demand.

That wasn't the question. Are those examples rude just because the word "please" wasn't included?

I'm glad you at least acknowledge that saying please doesn't automatically make something polite.

@Xol I haven't acknowledged that at all. No I don't think those examples are polite. They would like demands. Which is why I said what is the harm in adding please.

Why are you so against saying please and Thankyou? It's basic manners.

To be fair, the amount he owed would be a demand! And the OP said the assistant was speaking in a polite manner. if she had shouted 'that will be £2.99 please', would that be polite?

@Maverickess I can't see anyone on this thread claiming his behaviour was in anyway justified. What some people are saying is that yes, it's important to say please and thank you in the UK and yes we use those terms more frequently in English than speakers of other languages do. And yes you may be seen as rude if you don't use them.

Well no, because shouting in anger is not polite no matter who is doing it or why ( shouting to be heard in a noisy environment is neutral).

So if it is a cultural thing, are we possibly going back to the racist issue if someone doesn't use the word, but is polite in their manner, should we be pulling them up on it (obviously not by shouting at them)

There's a lot of "People shouldn't be abused/shouted at etc, etc, but....." And then go on to say that the lack of please is rude.

It's not just on this thread, on recent threads where customer facing staff have spoken about how they're treated there's "You shouldn't be abused/shouted at/threatened etc, etc, but...... Customer service is shit and people get frustrated"

There shouldn't be that 'but' when it comes to the poor treatment of other people. That 'but' is to justify the poor behaviour of the customer with something the staff did to provoke the situation (be that real or imagined) - why else say it?

There's a double standard when it comes to how customers should be treated and how staff should be treated, in the form of basic manners and respect for another human being, in any interaction.

For so many now, "The customer is always right" has morphed into "The staff are always wrong" customer service is used as reasons to demand staff break policies, laws and at times the laws of physics and perform the impossible, and failure to do so leads to accusations of 'poor' service and therefore justifies bullying and abusive behaviour because they're 'frustrated'.

Race and culture are two quite separate things. Not everyone born and brought up in the UK is white.

Likewise, whatever your culture, if you don't follow the cultural norms of the country you are in you risk offending and upsetting people. And it's fine for people to pull you up on that, esp if its part of your job to be polite, although (in the UK at least) they are expected to be calm and polite in the way they do so.

But there is absolutely no justification for the way that man spoke to the assistant - it was totally unacceptable, and (ironically) extremely rude.

If you told a non-white sales , who was otherwise perfectly polite, we normally say please in the UK (or any other variation of this) I would be embarrassed for you. Honestly.

*sales assistant

Just say please and Thankyou. it's not difficult. Children learn to say it as soon as they can speak