Page 11 | WIBU to tell this man to back off shouting at the pharmacist assistant?

SurferRona · 2023-02-18T22:44:35+00:00

I was in a large pharmacists earlier to pick up antibiotics and a man being served by an assistant in front of me suddenly started shouting at her telling her to ‘say please, if you want me to pay’ that ‘you don’t just say that’ll be £21.01, you say please. Now say please and I’ll pay’, ‘I expect you to be courteous and say please to me, say please and I’ll pay’…. Properly angry. The woman was youngish and looked scared, and didn’t seem to know how to respond, or what to do. So I called across to him to back off, there was no need for that, couldn’t he see he was scaring her? He then turns on me telling me to keep out of it, nothing to do with me. I responded again saying it was to do with me as he was bullying a scared young woman, which was also racist (assistant looked to be of south Asian descent), there no need for it, and he was clearly just having a go at a young woman just trying to do her job. The male pharmacy manager then came over and the man quietened down. He then kept saying he wasn’t racist- but I thought it was as he wouldn’t have behaved like that to a white man serving him, and did quieten down once the male pharmacist came across. WIBU for intervening like that? My other half keeps telling me to keep my neb out of things like that, but I just kept thinking what if it were my daughter…. How else should I have dealt with it? If at all? I have no idea if I just made it worse for the young woman assistant☹️

SchoolQuestionnaire · 19/02/2023 18:41

Cherrysoup · 18/02/2023 23:39

How was he racist? Sexist, because he wouldn’t speak to a male assistant in that way.

This is the thing. We’d all agree that this man was likely being sexist as we’ve experienced this. It would be understandable for a man who has never experienced this sort of behaviour to say that there is no sexism here he’s just a twat.

Op felt that he was racist. He didn’t say anything outright that demonstrated that so she couldn’t prove it, but that was the overall feeling she had. This is no different to those of us that feel he was likely sexist. We can’t prove it, he could just be a nasty bastard to all sexes. But we feel it’s likely.

Op was there. She witnessed the tone of the conversation and knows what she saw and heard, so why are we so quick to dismiss even the slightest possibility of racism? While at the same time being very willing to agree that he was likely sexist/misogynistic when we weren’t actually there.

PinkSyCo · 19/02/2023 19:42

Well the shop assistant does need to learn some manners, but the bloke did definitely make himself look like a right twat by shouting at her to make that point. You also made a twat of yourself for calling someone racist, when you have absolutely no idea if this is the case.

Butchyrestingface · 19/02/2023 19:45

Well the shop assistant does need to learn some manners,

I'm confused. Why does SHE need to learn manners?

toomuchlaundry · 19/02/2023 19:48

Why does she need to learn manners. She stated the total amount. It was a statement of fact.

Calphurnia88 · 19/02/2023 20:41

PinkSyCo · 19/02/2023 19:42

Well the shop assistant does need to learn some manners, but the bloke did definitely make himself look like a right twat by shouting at her to make that point. You also made a twat of yourself for calling someone racist, when you have absolutely no idea if this is the case.

The irony of saying someone needs to learn some manners, and then calling OP a twat.

Classic Mumsnet 🤣

girlfriend44 · 19/02/2023 20:53

Manners cos she didn't say please.

Please and thanks in shops common courtesy.

XenoBitch · 19/02/2023 20:56

PinkSyCo · 19/02/2023 19:42

Well the shop assistant does need to learn some manners, but the bloke did definitely make himself look like a right twat by shouting at her to make that point. You also made a twat of yourself for calling someone racist, when you have absolutely no idea if this is the case.

I have never ever heard a cashier say please when they state the total amount you need to pay. Why would they? They are providing you with a service... they are not asking you for a favour, and they are not personally pocketing the cash.
Do you say please when you order a drink in a cafe? Or state your destination in a taxi? I bet you don't. No one does. It is always "Can I get a.....xyz?".

PinkSyCo · 19/02/2023 21:01

XenoBitch · 19/02/2023 20:56

I have never ever heard a cashier say please when they state the total amount you need to pay. Why would they? They are providing you with a service... they are not asking you for a favour, and they are not personally pocketing the cash.
Do you say please when you order a drink in a cafe? Or state your destination in a taxi? I bet you don't. No one does. It is always "Can I get a.....xyz?".

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Really? You must be American are you? 😂 Of course I say please when ordering a coffee. And probably more often than not when giving my destination in a taxi too.

PinkSyCo · 19/02/2023 21:02

Calphurnia88 · 19/02/2023 20:41

The irony of saying someone needs to learn some manners, and then calling OP a twat.

Classic Mumsnet 🤣

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Hahaha but I did call the shouty bloke a twat too to be fair, and y’know if the cap fits.

XenoBitch · 19/02/2023 21:04

PinkSyCo · 19/02/2023 21:01

Really? You must be American are you? 😂 Of course I say please when ordering a coffee. And probably more often than not when giving my destination in a taxi too.

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No, not American.
It is polite to say please and thank you when you are the customer. The person serving you... could be dong that hundreds of times in one day. They are providing you with a service... it is not rude for them not to say please and thank you at all. No wonder no one wants to work in any service/retail industry when there are entitled customers refusing to hand over cash because the cashier did not say please.

Calphurnia88 · 19/02/2023 21:08

PinkSyCo · 19/02/2023 21:02

Hahaha but I did call the shouty bloke a twat too to be fair, and y’know if the cap fits.

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True. He had the cap and the outfit to match.

melj1213 · 19/02/2023 21:26

girlfriend44 · 19/02/2023 20:53

Manners cos she didn't say please.

Please and thanks in shops common courtesy.

Common courtesy is being polite and pleasant to customers, you can do both of those things even if you don't explicitly say the words please and thank you.

Equally you can say please and thank you and be the most condescending, rude and entitled person in the room.

UdoU · 19/02/2023 21:36

I saw similar in Asda, OP. A white man jeering and shouting at at an Asian security guard for having a shit job.

I told him to leave him alone, he told me to mind my own business and fuck off, so I said ‘no, you fuck off’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

AutumnDaysConkers · 19/02/2023 21:53

Of course you need to say please and Thankyou. I hate it when cashiers don't say it as it is comes across rude.
Just as it is rude if I don't say please and Thankyou to them.

In this instance I think you were right to call him out for being rude but to call him racist was uncalled for.

AutumnDaysConkers · 19/02/2023 21:59

@XenoBitch I always say please when I'm in a cafe. Do you not?
People in cafes/taxis etc are not servants. Of course you should say please. If you don't then you need to really start doing it.
Children are taught to say please and Thankyou from a very young age. If they can manage it I'm sure adults can.

melj1213 · 19/02/2023 22:17

Of course you need to say please and Thankyou.

Why do we need to use those specific words? As yet nobody has been able to explain why the words please and thank you have to be used to make something polite, other than "manners" or "common courtesy", neither of which explain why those specific words must be used.

Why is "Is that everything for you today? Yes?There we go then, I've popped everything in the bag for you and altogether your total is £14.89. Are you paying cash or card today, sir?", when said with eye contact, a smile and pleasant tone impolite? Because there is no please or thank you explicitly stated so by some people's standards this means the cashier has been impolite ...

Why is "£14.89 please" said in a monotone voice and no other conversation during the transaction polite? Because they've used the word please so it must be polite ...

The words please and thank you add extra weight but they are not the be all and end all of politeness, especially in retail where there are many different ways to tell a customer their total and ask them how they intend to pay.

If I state a total ie "Is that everything for you today? That is £32.75 altogether then" then I don't need the word please as I'm not asking for anything, I'm merely stating a fact for the customer's information.

If I ask a customer for an amount then it is polite to add please but it is not mandatory to do so. "Is that everything today? That will be £32.75 then, please"

Both ways are polite and courteous, but only one explicitly uses the word please. When you work in retail and have this conversation 200 times a day or more (I work on the cigarette kiosk where, at busy times, I can be completing 2 transactions a minute as people literally walk up, ask for their cigarettes, I collect them, scan them on the till, tell the customer their total and they tap their card and leave) then you will not use the same wording in every transaction and some will naturally lend themselves to including the word please, some will not.

Xol · 19/02/2023 23:14

PinkSyCo · 19/02/2023 19:42

Well the shop assistant does need to learn some manners, but the bloke did definitely make himself look like a right twat by shouting at her to make that point. You also made a twat of yourself for calling someone racist, when you have absolutely no idea if this is the case.

As OP was there and you weren't, I really don't see how you can possibly say that.

Xol · 19/02/2023 23:17

AutumnDaysConkers · 19/02/2023 21:53

Of course you need to say please and Thankyou. I hate it when cashiers don't say it as it is comes across rude.
Just as it is rude if I don't say please and Thankyou to them.

In this instance I think you were right to call him out for being rude but to call him racist was uncalled for.

It really doesn't come across rude. Saying something like "That'll be £1.50" in a pleasant tone of voice is perfectly polite. On the other hand, it's quite possible to say "£1.50, PLEASE" in a really aggressive and rude tone. There is no magic in the word "please" that automatically makes its omission wrong.

Xol · 19/02/2023 23:20

AutumnDaysConkers · 19/02/2023 21:59

@XenoBitch I always say please when I'm in a cafe. Do you not?
People in cafes/taxis etc are not servants. Of course you should say please. If you don't then you need to really start doing it.
Children are taught to say please and Thankyou from a very young age. If they can manage it I'm sure adults can.

The thing is, you probably go to a café not more than once a day. The poor sod in the café is potentially dealing with a steam of customers all day every day. There's a difference between saying "please" maybe three or four times a day and saying it hundreds of times a day, particularly to people who probably aren't being that polite to you anyway.

SoShallINever · 19/02/2023 23:24

This is standard stuff in pharmacies. You should see how the drug addicts react when their methadone prescription is late. My DSis has been spat at, grabbed across the counter and had her hair pulled.
Well done you for calling him out.

PinkSyCo · 19/02/2023 23:31

Xol · 19/02/2023 23:14

As OP was there and you weren't, I really don't see how you can possibly say that.

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I’m going on what OP has told us, just like everyone else is. 🤔

PinkSyCo · 19/02/2023 23:45

XenoBitch · 19/02/2023 21:04

No, not American.
It is polite to say please and thank you when you are the customer. The person serving you... could be dong that hundreds of times in one day. They are providing you with a service... it is not rude for them not to say please and thank you at all. No wonder no one wants to work in any service/retail industry when there are entitled customers refusing to hand over cash because the cashier did not say please.

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If you really care about shop assistants feelings, the least you could do is say please next time you ask them for something. It’s really not that hard. And neither is it hard for them to add that one little extra word to the end of their sentence, even if it does add up to a hundred extra words per day.

MadamArcati99 · 19/02/2023 23:48

XenoBitch · 19/02/2023 20:56

I have never ever heard a cashier say please when they state the total amount you need to pay. Why would they? They are providing you with a service... they are not asking you for a favour, and they are not personally pocketing the cash.
Do you say please when you order a drink in a cafe? Or state your destination in a taxi? I bet you don't. No one does. It is always "Can I get a.....xyz?".

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Of course i say pleaae and thank you when ordering food, and i certain;ly expect cashiers to say please and thank you. You are their customer and keeping them in business!

Maverickess · 20/02/2023 00:43

I've been at work today and been listening and noting the interactions for most of the busy shift, most of the time please and thank you were used, but, the times where they weren't were where customers were talking across the staff "That's £4.50.."
"Can you top that pint up?"
"Where's the toilets?"
"Can't I pay in cash?!" (Because you have the card machine in your hand)
"How much?!" (Cost of living you know!!!)

I had one exaggerated "Thank you!!!" From a guy who hadn't actually heard me say it because he was talking to his friend next to him at the bar at the time. The whole interaction had been polite "Everything ok for you?.....Did you enjoy your visit?..... Yes the meat is very tender isn't it.... Absolutely, I'll book you in now" right up to the point where he stopped listening and then decided I hadn't said thank you. His take would be that I was rude for not saying thank you after his payment, I absolutely did but experience teaches me not to say that because then I get "Are you accusing me of lying?!" Or "Well I didn't hear you!" Because they're embarrassed and somehow I must be responsible for that too.

They didn't get chance to say it.

Peppered with people who you greet and ask if you can help, who then walk straight past and ignore you, or say no, plonk themselves down at a reserved table and wave over all huffy "Do you think we could order/get a menu please?" all passive aggressive, to a member of staff walking past with arms full of plates or glasses having rebuffed the person there to actually seat, give menu's and take orders.
Sure, they've said please, but the whole interaction is anything but polite or using basic manners.

People don't want good service, as I've said before, they want deference. As a customer you're paying for an item or a service, you are not paying for someone to bow and scrape or defer to you. All that's owed is the item or service, not the right to abuse someone, belittle them or anything else .

And I see we're still excusing aggressive and abusive behaviour from some people because "customer service" or "manners". It's not an excuse, and if you're Billy big balls enough to do that to another person, then you can take responsibility for your own crappy behaviour too.

AutumnDaysConkers · 20/02/2023 00:53

I've worked in supermarkets, bakeries, cinema, social housing.
I have always said please and Thankyou to customers.
It is good manners and polite. As I have said before it is something that is taught to children from a young age. By saying please and Thankyou you are showing respect to the other person.
It comes across rude to not say these basic polite words.