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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ghosted and bewildered

153 replies

hondagirl500 · 18/02/2023 06:52

I live in a very rural area, miles from nearest town etc. so friends are along distance away. No family within 200 miles.

with my husband we have spent about 5 years renovating our property which has been very hard work. Friends we met back then came and helped occasionally with a bit of painting or whatever which was great.
over the time, we gradually met more people in area and would occasionally meet up for drinks, have a bbq together etc. all good. One particular friend had more gatherings at her place as it was more central to everyone and there was more space.
we had a WhatsApp group to keep in touch, chat etc. but gradually over the last few months I noticed that when I joined a chat, there were no replies, just a 👍. If I tried to start a conversation, no one would comment, just 👍. Proper replies to everyone else!
eventually I called them out on this. Apparently I ‘talk too much’. Um. I barely see them in real life as all to distant so any ‘talking’ is text/WhatsApp - surely they can scroll by?????
the central friend was the instigator- has now blocked me and got others in the group to do the same. I feel bewildered as to why she did this, only thing I can think is jealousy of our house and our business we run that is doing well.
why do so called adults treat people like this?

OP posts:
ChickenDhansak82 · 20/02/2023 09:37

MrsPetty · 19/02/2023 18:12

OP I think that whole bunch sound horrible! Like a group of mean girl, school yard bullies. You talk too much??? Who actually says that? I have loads for friends who ‘talk too much’ but that just means they have more to get off their chest. I don’t resent them or exclude them. It sounds like ‘they just don’t like you’ and they’ve picked on one thing to make you question and feel shit about yourself. And yeah I’m with you - that kind of behaviour is always rooted in jealousy!

Completely agree with this!

They sound awful.

I talk too much, probably an ADHD thing. Someone once made a really rude comment about me talking too much in front of lots of people and it was really humiliating.

Time to just ignore these people and meet some nicer people.

For what it's worth, I bet they don't all agree with the queen bee, but just have to side with her.

JudgeRudy · 20/02/2023 09:47

RedHelenB · 18/02/2023 07:06

Why assume jealousy rather than you get on their nerves by talking too much as they ve said? No one's forced to host people after all.

I agree. Why do people often assume jealousy when someone just doesn't like you that much? Maybe you do talk 'too much'. That's too much for them, not necessarily for you, just an incompatible mix.
BTW, it's really hard to just 'scroll by'. I'd say a thumbs up was an effort not to politely end thar 'thread'.

IwasToldThereWouldBeCake · 20/02/2023 10:07

xJoy · 18/02/2023 08:01

I think the central friend has picked up on the fact that although you like being in the group you didn't admire her excessively and that made her feel indignant, she had brought you in to her group! (she will see it as HER group if I have got the picture of her here) and yet you aren't so grateful that you're fawning over her! You aren't acting like your biggest fear is losing her friendship!?!

I notice the others in the group did in a very minimal way respond to you with a thumbs up. I think it has been decided Shock by the central friend that you are annoying them all. And anything you do will feed in to that narrative.

Many years ago I was the sheep in one of these situations and although the woman was a little bit annoying in some regards, so we all I'm sure of it.

Don't they say that a group without any cohesive sense of identity creates a sense of 'self' (group self) by excluding somebody.

I think this is what's happened to you.

I'd block them all. Don't let them off the hook. If you see them out say hello, are you ok, it's just so unpleasant and childish to exclude me for being.............chatty, are you all ok????????

SPOT On!!

  1. You don't Fawn to the queen bee.
  2. You don't exclusively talk about the Queenbee, or exclusively follow her lead.
  3. Your different energy, doesn't fully align with the pre-existing group vibe. They couldn't be bothered accommodating the new energy.
  4. You might be a little intense - this may be annoying and it also may grate with the queen bee. Who presumably is also intense (intense position is already taken).
  5. Lots of people are generating new rules about group chats, dont want photos or links bombarding their phones and taking up memory space. People can be precious about stuff without communicating it. I ve just starting noticing this with parents, who seem to want to declutter their phones, they already have too many group chats with kids activity groups etc.
  6. People are mad, generate gossip by excluding people and being precious.

Take the moral high ground. Just say sorry, I didn't realise I was bothering anyone, I won't share any links etc any more.

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