Ghosted and bewildered

[hondagirl500]

I live in a very rural area, miles from nearest town etc. so friends are along distance away. No family within 200 miles.

with my husband we have spent about 5 years renovating our property which has been very hard work. Friends we met back then came and helped occasionally with a bit of painting or whatever which was great.
over the time, we gradually met more people in area and would occasionally meet up for drinks, have a bbq together etc. all good. One particular friend had more gatherings at her place as it was more central to everyone and there was more space.
we had a WhatsApp group to keep in touch, chat etc. but gradually over the last few months I noticed that when I joined a chat, there were no replies, just a 👍. If I tried to start a conversation, no one would comment, just 👍. Proper replies to everyone else!
eventually I called them out on this. Apparently I ‘talk too much’. Um. I barely see them in real life as all to distant so any ‘talking’ is text/WhatsApp - surely they can scroll by?????
the central friend was the instigator- has now blocked me and got others in the group to do the same. I feel bewildered as to why she did this, only thing I can think is jealousy of our house and our business we run that is doing well.
why do so called adults treat people like this?

most of our ‘chats’ are on line, so if I am ‘writing’ something they don’t like, they can always scroll by.*

But isn't that what they WERE doing with the 👍 responses and you "called them out" for it?

You assume it was "Queen Bee" who instigated everyone else blocking you. You may be right but presumably you don't have any actual evidence for this otherwise you would have said. In the OP you said she thought she did this because she was 'jealous' of you and now you say it's because you don't 'fawn' over her enough.

She may or not be Regina George and you may or may not be Gretchen Weiner but what is pretty obvious is that you don't actually like this woman. That may be palpable to her and the friendship group and has influenced them putting the kibosh on an awkward dynamic.

I do think they could have handled this better.

Bloody hell do grown adults behave like this! I'd say you're better of without them.

Ps and for all the grief you got earlier, the blocker sounds hideous. Who does that? She’s done it at least twice. She must get a real sense of power from it, to almost humiliate you so publicly.

I ghosted someone I didn’t want to be friends with, not nice of me, but I didn’t want a row and she was just such a low level rude person (would say really inappropriate things that upset me, often negatively comparing our two toddlers, haha) that I knew anything I said to her wouldn’t change her. I didn’t have the energy. Plus it would have been petty of me. She drained me and I’m glad we are no longer friends since she sucked all the joy out of life.

Difference is, no one else knew. I just declined all her invitations etc until she got the message.

You actually sound quite jealous of this 'central' friend. I don't understand how people who aren't keen on a person ,still hang around them, which you seem to be doing.
If you feel this group are being standoffish towards you, then walk away, make some more friends, maybe stand back a bit next time.

Exactly. I have friends who have given me real cause to fall out with them (not talking too much) and instead of just phasing them out and giving passive aggressive thumbs up (which is hurtful and cruel as the person at the end of it is in the dark) I have a conversation about it and solve the issue. If that means ending the relationship or having an argument then so be it. I've only ever had to do this a couple of times in my life and only over significant issues. Sounds like they don't like you OP and have chosen to phase you out in a rather unethical way. I would move on and start forming new friendships. Take their feedback, even if it was delivered (or not) extremely clumsily, and focus on yourself. You don't need friends like this.

Have these people known each other for a long time? Maybe the "QB" has been at the top for a long time and doesnt want any competition for her role! TBH I would look elsewhere for some new chums.It all sounds very silly and childish ,if the others are just following her lead .You have done well and are successful,you are confident and chatty .In other words a direct challenger!

I wish I was brave enough to tell the two talkers in my life that they talk too much.

One I just give the briefest message replies to, in the hope it doesn’t become an epic hour long message exchange.

One I make excuses not to see because her 2 hour monologues of her job, kids, neighbours bests friends dog bore me to death. A quick ‘so, how are you’ at the end when I’m getting my bag to leave is bloody rude.

People who talk too much seem to lack the self awareness to know they talk too much.

Bit odd to add that she’s done this before as a dripfeed 🤷🏻‍♀️

Pathetic and childish behaviour from these people (bullies). Grown women too cowardly to talk openly to the OP about their perceived problem with her.

Of course you're getting a hard time on here - MN is full of threads where posters have said they've ghosted others for the most trivial of reasons.

Some people are just nasty and childish and well, pathetic.

I don’t think using a thumb up emoji and blocking someone is normal behaviour fgs.

If one or all had an issue with you then they could have just had a chat with you.

Be glad the trash have taken themselves out of your life!

I also wondered about the Queen Bee thing

I don’t really get your irritation with her hosting socials all the time. What a bitch, huh?!

You started the post talking about your “very hard” renovations so I’m massively reading between the lines here but getting the vibe that you don’t like thar she has The Show Home instead of you. Otherwise, I just don’t get why you told us about your very hard renovations.

But if she has form for excluding people then it will simply be because she gets a kick from that and you were easy pickings (it doesn’t sound like the kind of group to post what the latest 2 for 1 offers are in Spar 🤷🏻‍♀️). So a bit odd you didn’t state that in the OP, because it being repeated behaviour really gives you all the explanation you need.

Yeah, you're being bullied, OP, instigated by that woman. Horrible people doing a horrible thing. You're truly better off without them in your life.

Have you actually removed yourself from the group? I think being blocked I wouldn't stay on the group. Just leave and see if it prompts any of the others to wonder if they may have behaved like arseholes themselves.

The equivalent of scrolling by is just giving a cursory thumbs up, as you’ve said they do. Have you told them you think they’re jealous of you?! It’s a massive(ly arrogant) leap to make, so perhaps you’re not coming across particularly well?

Sounds like the girl many of knew at school had her little group fawning over how great she was if you didn’t quite do the same you are treated as not worthy

ive seen this at the school gates, at work,
those in senior roles and less senior roles at work

and we see it on here all the time 🐑

you will be replaced soon and they shall be dumped too move on sounds like you have a lovely little set up enjoy and celebrate this you will in time find nice friends

If you pick out some of the words used in your updates you don't seem to like them at all anyway and you've taken their feedback as jealousy. I'd be interested to hear the other side of the story on this.

I'm a strong advocate against doing this. They could have given no clearer message, albeit this was done in the sort of immature, passive-aggressive way that makes me avoid such people like the plague.

OP, if you talk too much, then your 'friends'' behaviour doesn't exactly recommend them either. You are clearly not a good fit for one another. That being so, taking their behaviour upon yourself when it's not all necessarily your baggage will only demean you. You're not going to be told anything you care to hear.

I tend to stay away from these kinds of friendship groups. Where I am a Whatsapp member, ie with colleagues or fellow school parents, I only participate minimally. They can cause a lot more trouble than they're worth.

You live in a remote location and these people happened to be convenient. You had a fleeting connection: perhaps predicated upon a cursory interest in your renovation project, or who their new neighbour was. The connection was fated to be fleeting, and their curiosity's evidently satisfied.

None of these things are necessarily a good basis for friendship. FWIW, none of my close friends are from my village either: not that I don't like any of the locals I know superficially. I do. But my closest friends live elsewhere and we keep in touch and get together by other means. And that's okay.

Walking away quietly and with your pride intact is the only thing to do in this situation. I wouldn't be mourning the loss.

If the "friend" was organising stuff at hers it's not surprising that a lot of the chat revolved around her.

There was no reason for you not to organise stuff if you wanted to.

Perhaps the others "fawned" because they were happy to keep being invited & not reciprocate?

If you don't really like them though it's no loss!

I have a friend who's sons have grown up with mine so we occasionally go to hers for a cuppa so the boys can play games or whatever, but I always come away totally drained because she spends the entire time talking about herself and whenever I talk talks over me. Maybe you don't realise it.

OP, what exactly did you say when you ‘called them out’? And how did you respond to being told you talked too much? It seems like quite a leap from acknowledging your WhatsApp messages with thumbs ups to the entire group blocking you.

Well it is obvious to me that ‘queen bee’, is indeed Amanda from Motherland 😂

She has friends, 🙄i can imagine you don't though.
The spiteful arseholes flocked to this one didn't they? OP, thank your lucky stars and move on.

Didn't they just!