To think female groups are hard work

[Peckhaminn]

I've found I perform much better one on one than in girl groups. All my life I've got along with men and find their banter much more enlightening and humorous than female banter.

I don't seem to stick well I'm girl groups, often the one push out or the one that's too 'open'. I just find men much easier than women and I was wondering if this is a common issue?

People who find women "bitchy" or "cliquey" or "girly" (what?) Just have been hanging around with the wrong type of women.
Agree with this.
Women are around 50% of humanity. If someone really can't manage to get on with half the planet then it's probably not because half of humanity are bitchy, high-maintenance and girly.

Some people have largely single sex groups of friends, some have a mixed sex group of friends, but women who play the 'women are so girly and bitchy, men are so much funnier and better... I'm not like the other girls' are exactly the type of woman I wouldn't want to be friends with. It's exhausting being around people who think they're super different and unique and so much better than all the other women. I can't be bothered with it.

People are all different. If you already have a group of friends that you like, who happen to be male, then just hang out with them and stop over-thinking it. Some other people might not like you and vice versa, that's fine, you have friends so it doesn't matter.

Discussing body fluids regularly is a bit niche, bound to be someone who enjoys it but it's best not to lead with that when you meet new people. Less niche is sex; to me sex is private between the couple in a committed relationship, whereas back in my dating days discussing sex was fine because it was "just" about me; so it may be best to seek out single friends / serial daters for sex chat.

Mixed friendship groups are the best imo. I do really value my female friends though as I don't get as much opportunity to build female friendships.

I think you just haven't found the right group of women IF that's even what you want.
I have a few just female circles of friends.
And mixed ones. I don't join a male one as the only female but I'll often run with just men and chat invisibly.
A different, and all good in different ways.

I don't think you can generalise. My closest friends are mainly female and I value them so much. We have always been there for each other and they are incredibly empathetic and supportive but we also have fun together. However, some of my closes friends are male and they are also fab listeners, empathetic and supportive. Whether male or female, I think when you find the right friends, it doesn't feel like hard work at all.

I often say that one of the greatest things I wish my children to have in life is great friends. My parents are in their 80s now and still have a great circle of friends (some much younger) and I see how much joy it brings to them. I really hope that will be me when I'm much older!

This is actually a major sign of autism in women. It's massively underdiagnosed because when women have problems it's seen as theirs to deal with unless very very severe and easy to diagnose. Women with autism often prefer male company because males tend to be more straightforward in communication and generally have less nuance/ reading between the lines going on in their dialogue. Having said that it could just be your preference, have being autistic wouldn't change who you are as a person. Everyone is different.

I would also add that I have been similar my whole life but over rime with some.effoer I've made some amazing female friends. For some people.it takes time to find the ones that suit you.

God my phone spellchecker is on one today

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I only like one on one get togethers, or as a group of 3 at the most. I find it easier to have a proper conversation.
It also better enables me to shape the conversation away from kids and relationships (which i find boring), and on to a wider range of topics.
At work, I thrive in male-dominated environments. Not because I'm 'one of the lads' - far from it - but because I'm a very direct and concise communicator and, when it comes to work at least, pretty devoid of emotion.
I strongly suspect I'm autistic, for this and a number of other reasons.

This is the perfect response 🤣

Like others have mentioned, I found I preferred the company of men when I was a hot 20 something, but in hindsight I noticed that they were only so "entertaining" until they realised I wouldn't date/fuck them. Then they lost interest in me. But I have fond memories of my time in a male dominated workplace as watching their banter from the sidelines was often hilarious, whereas the only time I saw women interacting in groups was in the pub (when the dynamic was different...all rather giggly and flirty, probably influenced by booze and the presence of men, which I found irritating)

I also wonder whether I found female friendships more difficult then too because we were in silent competition for the admiration of men. We were at that age of wanting to find Mr Right and settle down, and it seemed my friendships were more a way of being able to safely go on the prowl to pubs and clubs that actually being friends IYSWIM. There didn't seem much substance. Like that was all we had in common.

But the older I've got the more I want good friendships with women. Hopefully we'd be able to focus more on each other and not on trying to impress the men, and being middle-aged their children will have grown up so hopefully they've managed to reclaim their lives and be more relatable to me.

“I'm a very direct and concise communicator and, when it comes to work at least, pretty devoid of emotion”

ive known loads of women like this in female-dominated workplaces. I’m like this at work.

from this thread, people who buy into stereotypes about men and women and how they think/behave get on better with groups of men than groups of women

My friends have always been 50 / 50, women and genuinely platonic men.

Met a woman a few months ago who openly kept saying (in front of me) that she 'hated' women and found them 'boring.' I assumed she was on the spectrum since she mentioned finding them hard to read in conversation.

She made an exception for me and one other woman. We both worked in male-dominated jobs and were used to people being direct or rude.

However, she said none of her female friendships ever lasted more than a year. After a few months, I realised she was shallow, petty, manipulative and every male 'friend' was someone she'd had sex with.

I don't see it as a good sign generally when women hate half the population.

I find this hard too, but I see it as a personal failing of mine, not an issue with "women" in general. I thought I had cracked it for a bit, but for reasons I don't understand at all, it slipped away again.

I think it is easier chatting to men because their standards are lower, tbh! You don't need to be interesting or funny. They are just happy to have someone talking to them, so there is no pressure. I think male friendships are often shallower though.

Do you find you are intimidated by women?

There's lots of women on this thread who say they get on better with men, they prefer the conversation style, don't like bitching, prefer geeky conversations. It makes me wonder why these women don't become friends with each other?

Woman is not a personality. Women come in all shapes and sizes (as do men) if you find you cacan'find any women like you, I would suggest the problem is you, and your perception of women

Perhaps men are more fun when they are young but they’re def not when they’re older. Ime
but what was your childhood like - very close to your DM? Or surrounded by noisy brothers?

What @LolaSmiles said.

All women are different as are all men.

My friends are all female and are fun and supportive. But those are the women I'm drawn to.

I work in a mainly female environment and there is no bitchiness there. My best managers have been female.

I've found men at work to be more difficult as they were all very competitive (sales/marketing) and wouldn't miss the chance to put each other down. Very bitchy and drove me mad. We were a small group of women among them and were mutually supportive.

To the posters saying that those who disagree with the OP are proving her point surely the OP is also being bitchy by saying that women are less enlightened or humorous than men? I appreciate some of the replies have been more personal and not the most pleasant but overall there seems to be an air of women disagreeing = bitchy which I don’t think gets applied to men?

The only big group of women that I’ve been in did have a bit of a backstabby vibe/fair amount of drama. I very much believe that was the personalities involved though rather than purely the fact we were all women as I’ve managed to maintain individual friendships with everyone involved. I wouldn’t use that as evidence to cut out half the world’s population as potential friends though because the only person who would lose there is me.

I’ve had a horrible time recently and I’ve realised how important all my friends (male/female/older/newer/one on one/groups) have been to get me through it. Even the group with its difficulties have pulled together for me. Male friends have sent me flowers, texted to make sure how I’m doing, sent me stupid internet jokes, gone out for a drink with me when DH has been working nights etc so I’m not by myself. My female friends have done exactly the same thing. I think you need to look at the person not the gender.

There are more male comedians/ comics than women I think.
we are more critical of women in public roles
could it be that woman don’t get the chance to hone their ‘banter’ skills.

I'm the same op. All my life I've had more in common with males. I have male hobbies etc. I do have girl friends now but they are definitely harder work than my male friends.

What are 'male hobbies'? I like investing, data rights etc.

Am I a man now?

Nah OP I think it's your problem. I get on well in all female groups, mixed sex groups and even at work as lone female with a group of men. I don't talk about sex periods or bodily fluid that much as that would be weird.

100% this.

I have found groups that excludes males ( all female but not just accidentally so ) sometimes are extremely "typical gender presenting " and so talk about stuff I find boring or do stuff I don't want to do so don't fit me . So I do tend to avoid. There is a lot of stuff that makes up female gender convention that I really don't like.

Mixed groups and ones not focussed on being the same sex are much less likely to fit a gender extreme

Having said that o once did a series of events in a strictly all female set up ( training for women as I work in a very male dominated field ) and I did enjoy it and learn a lot and feel that the exclusion of males was beneficial . Although of course since all the women had already to a greater or less extent rejected many gender norms just to work there, they were more naturally a fit for me. It was a good way to explore how gender norms still affect us

This is interesting.

How does a girl think?

I'm interested to know how I am like every other girl/woman on the planet, because I thought I was an individual. I would like to know more about this phenomenon.