To think female groups are hard work

[Peckhaminn]

I've found I perform much better one on one than in girl groups. All my life I've got along with men and find their banter much more enlightening and humorous than female banter.

I don't seem to stick well I'm girl groups, often the one push out or the one that's too 'open'. I just find men much easier than women and I was wondering if this is a common issue?

One interaction that always confused me, I worked on a post natal ward and happened to be quite pregnant. When I came back from a weeks holiday, one of the hca ran up to me to excitedly tell me that one of the cleaners had suffered a still birth. She seemed very eager to tell me this?

I think my expression may have freaked her out, I was wondering why the fuck she was excited. I don't think I will ever understand people as long as I live.

I prefer the company of women especially one to one. But I do find men just generally easier because they are very basic, I mean really basic. So it’s not that they are better it’s just that women think on more levels and are more complex.

Thank you for understanding what I was trying to say.

If I was being cynical, I might say that part of the reason a lot of men are more fun than a lot of women is because they have more fun, particularly after parenthood. They seem to have time for themselves, hobbies, to socialise... often at the expense of the women in their lives, who seem to have to work much harder to juggle paid work, house, kids. It's difficult to be witty and funny if you're preoccupied with the logistical challenges of holiday childcare and how to teach resilience to a hysterical 8yo who hasn't been invited to her friend's party. Much easier to be good company if these are someone else's problems.

This thread seems to be trying hard to prove her point ...

It’s not really surprising that a site full of women is likely to have some fairly defensive replies to being told “being friends with people like you is hard work”.

You can’t generalise, no more than you can say all Australians all drink schooners and wear hats with corks on them, or that rugby players are thick.

People are glorious in their variety, and there is a space for everyone, even people who want to over share about their vaginal fluid.

I'm sure you're better than any of the other women in the world OP and that hitching your cart to men will serve you really well in the long run.

i am 100% the same.
im 42 and never had a girl friend ever,even as a child i migrated to boys
all friends have been males or for what ever reason gay males.

ive put it down to be not thinking or acting like a girl does and im quite gobby, take no shit and quite frankly a alpha type

i wouldn't know how to deal with the high drama types or high maintenance ones.

There are two separate issues here, I think.

One is to do with individuals. Several people have mentioned things like “girly behaviour”. That feels very reductive to me. Certainly there will be some social expectations, particularly on girls and young women. But my experience of adult women is that many of them are amazing: mentally robust, well adjusted, and certainly likely to speak up for themselves. I also gravitated towards boys when young, but that was partly about my own internalized misogyny; I believed boys were better and preferred the idea of being “one of the lads” because I scorned almost all things society has designated as “feminine” and falsely associated women with those stereotypes.

The other is about group dynamics. OP, if you are in an all women group, it’s a single sex group. I think the dynamics of a single sex group are often different from mixed sex groups.

Any time you are with a group of men, you will be modifying the group dynamic. It’s quite possible you might not like the group dynamic if you could see how they behaved when there were only men there. You might find you didn’t like them as much and that they were much more openly sexist and that their banter became crude. I’m sure not all groups of men are like that, but I understand it’s common. Equally groups of women will very much vary, depending on the women that make them up. So you’re not judging groups of women versus groups of men. You’re judging groups of women against a mixed sex group.

I’m much more comfortable one on one than in groups, generally. But that is personal preference, rather than anything to do with the sex of the people making up the group.

Proving the ops point 🙄

Male friends are more enlightening
Male banter is much funnier
Female groups are bitchy.
Get on better with men
Female groups are too girly for me
Maybe the women are too high maintenance for me

It all sounds very much like "I'm not like the other girls" to me.

Weird response.

“not thinking… like a girl does”

i was a girl once, how did I think?

I get where you are coming from, I'm similar, but I've gone further and prefer little company in my old age. The few female friends I have I really treasure and I loved having mixed groups of friends when I was younger, but a group of ten girls doing everything together scared me and i never clicked with it. I prefer a groups of two or three girls.

Not Sure where it stems from. I went to a mixed comp and I just found navigating large all girl groups a nightmare as people were constantly falling out so I think somewhere in my head I just chose to avoid them, which is weird because in the workplace I've found the men to be more bitchy and over sensitive!

Oooh the cunts are out in force today. So many posters taking the ops thread personally and then proving her point. The lack of self awareness is astounding.

So OP feels pushed out by woman who find her too open about sex etc , she doesn't talk to men about the same issues and doesn't expect to. How are they comparing like for like. She says men are funnier and more illuminating and others don't think this will be commented on . Women are too girly ,and no one should comment. This is a v odd thread and a bit offensive really.

I'm in a real 'man-hater' mode at the moment, can't stand the sight of them so I definitely don't prefer their company.

I don't enjoy female groups either, give me a one-to-one female friendship any day.

Oh boak, you actually bring up vaginal fluids in conversation? Periods are one thing if you’re making an offhand comment about how you have yours, but an in-depth discussion can be had with your doctor, not your girlfriends. And obviously you’re not getting guys finding you gross if you’re not bringing the same convos up with them.

Nope, I don't find this. I have a small group of female friends that I've known since we were at primary school and it's great.

People who find women "bitchy" or "cliquey" or "girly" (what?) Just have been hanging around with the wrong type of women.

I think it depends on the friends really. I have 2 really close friends and we discuss literally everything but I have other friends that are not comfortable with those types of conversations so we stick to topics that are more appropriate to that group.
If your personality is one of those to share everything, that's perfectly fine, it's just some people aren't comfortable with that level of openness.

If generalising, I find men like talking about things in a nerdy way which suits me and I like their jokes. I also like that if they’re friends with someone, they don’t waste time bitching about them. But I like the women in my life too because I make the friends which suit me. I don’t like groups at all and loud banter really puts me off. So maybe you’ve just found the people you like and they just happen to be men?

“I also like that if they’re friends with someone, they don’t waste time bitching about them.”

this is simply not true about men. They absolutely do, it’s just often not referred to as “bitching”

I'm curious now after reading the above posts... the stereotype is that women (as mentioned above), are more bitchy and cliquey, and appear to get offended easier/more often...

So a question to those in HR roles... is this true? Do you find that overall that women report more social issues to HR than men?

...I.e. is there evidence to suggest you really can be more open and bantery to men in a work environment without getting reported... as opposed to women?

I honestly can't remember as I haven't been in an all female friendship group since school. I tend not to pick my friends on the basis of their gender, but rather on shared interests. It just so happens that my main hobbies are somewhat make dominated, maybe 70%, and my friends reflect that. My work is about 50/50 and that's fine too.

That said, I don't remember having issues in school in my all-female gang.