To hate them staying..

[baristababe]

DH parents live abroad (ex pats who moved over there) we have a 3 bed, only 1 double bed in the house, 5yo dc has a cabin type bed in his room (too small for an adult) and baby has her own room and a cot. Downstairs is small ish living room and kitchen.
When his parents come over they insist on staying at our house for 2 weeks straight. They take our bed (even when dd was newborn) giving us option of sofa of airbed. Can't relax in my own house with them as we see them so little I'm really uncomfortable, and whole house just feels upside down. I feel like I can't go up to our room as that's where all there stuff is and I get "doesn't she want to be with us" comments,
When we were a couple with 2 double beds it wasn't too bad. But now we're a family of 3, it's unpleasant.
AIBU to ask them to get an air B&B/hotel next time!? Dp seems to think that would be an outrageous ask.

OP you are a grown adult, YABU to say they ‘take’ your bed! Learn how to put boundaries in place, both with your in laws and your DH for allowing it. YANBU to tell them to stay elsewhere.

YANBU. Sounds like my idea of fresh hell. If your DP thinks it’s an outrageous ask your values in this regard are fundamentally misaligned so it sounds like anything other than you going along with it is going to cause a lot of drama.

That said if it were me, it would just go without saying that this was Not On. But that because boundaries were set around this stuff early in our relationship.

Do not give up your bed. If they want a proper bed, hotels exist.

DD was 2 months old and still in our room. I said they could stay but we kept our bed. The night they got to us the air bed wouldn't blow up properly. I said ok, myself and DC will go stay at my parents, you have our bed. Then I got "using it as an excuse to clear off" comments. They said they would just have the airbed but then DP made me feel terrible about it and they commented to him how unwelcome I make them feel. I had a newborn, PND and just wanted my own bed. They're not pleasant people really.

There’s no way I’d be giving up my bed. They need to stay in a hotel, just get your DH to tell his parents to stop being so selfish

They might not be, but clearly your DH is.

You can't give up your own bed for 2 weeks anymore, they are taking the absolute piss. Tell them you're getting a bad back and need your bed from now on so they are still very welcome to stay but must use air bed/sofa, they will soon find a hotel then!

Hotel is that way ➡️🏨

I think they are out of order expecting that.
It's good of them to come over to visit you from abroad but not to make a big deal about the sleeping arrangements. I agree, ask them to find a hotel.

Make them go to B&B - yes they ARE unwelcome because you do not have room for them. They are VERY thick skinned and just plain rude. Spell it out to DH - what is he thinking? Let him know that on no account are you willing to experience their previous performance.

You have a DH problem here. Tell him you are not giving up your bed again.
Also, not the point of your thread, but I hate the word expat. If you move to another country, you are an immigrant.

I don't even think it's good of them to visit from abroad, since they were the ones who moved away. Nice people don't damand that a new mum (or indeed anyone) should give up their bed. I would say you need a serious word with your husband.

What the hell is wrong with your DH? Turfing a mother and baby out of their bedroom is ludicrous behaviour. You'll have to put your foot down OP - with DH as well as his parents. They're all treating you really badly.

Next time you explain that they are welcome to visit but as the DC are older there isn’t any room. They will need to book into a hotel.

Either they stay in a hotel, or the OP should - it’s ridiculous

Agree with PP. Your DH needs to step in here. The PILs are only overstepping the mark because he isn’t protecting his wife and family.

No, YANBU.

I am generally on the "You don't ask family to stay in a hotel" side of the argument but that is when they are staying overnight, or for a weekend, and the visiting people are the ones who bunk down on the floor.

Unless the receiving part of the family live in a big enough mansion house that there is plenty of room for visitors to have their own bedroom and bathroom and enough living space you aren't all forced to sit in the same room for 2 weeks running, then the visiting family should offer to get an air b'n'b or stay in a hotel or other accommodation locally. That is even without 2 small dc in the equation.

How can you let them insist? It's your house. Just tell them things have changed and they will need to stay in a hotel from now on

Well they’re clearly horrible people who care nothing about you or your child and are trying to pick an argument, so really there’s zero point trying to please them.

Your problem is your DP who should be protecting you from his parents bullying not insisting you go along with it.

Next time tell DP either the parents go to a hotel or you and the DC do. If you and the DC pick a nice one and have a lovely holiday there and say the oarents can visit you there.

You need to take control of this madness, which as a mum of a young child with a bullying DP and i lnlaws I can see will be hard. It has to be done though.

And protect your personal finances as much as you can because your DP’s attitude worries me a great deal and you may need to be able to leave one day.

So they don’t insist on your bed. In fact they’d said they were fine with the air bed, it was your DH who insisted they took your bed when you were 2 weeks postpartum?

Why do you have to give up your bed for them this time? I can see it might just be too crowded, but couldn’t you move DD in with DS and put the air bed in her room while they were here?

This sounds more like - I hate my in-laws coming to stay and I’m going to see everything from the worst possible perspective to justify being grumpy about it (which they may deserve, but the only thing it in what you’ve written is the bit where they were annoyed they’d come all this way and you were going to take their new grandchild off while they were here and stay elsewhere.)

Your DH and your in laws are being unreasonable- I’d give up my bed for a few nights for in-laws (though mine definitely wouldn’t have asked it of me especially with a v young baby) but two weeks is too much.

You’ve got to get your DH aligned on this - it’ll crumble if he does.

Hotel / b&b, or, any possibility of moving the cot back into your room and putting an air bed or sofabed in there? We had enough room in the baby room for a sofabed and the cot, and when visitors came we moved the cot into our room and opened out the sofabed. No space for it opened out with the cot in there too, but that was ok. Cot blocked my wardrobe in our room but I moved a few things out and it was ok.

That's an awful way to treat a new mum. They should be doing everything possible to make YOU feel comfortable.

Do not give up your bed for anyone.

Ignore the comments. Do what suits you. Time for harsh words with DP. You are a family and DP needs to step up here.

I am so angry that you were treated this way.

You have a DH problem. He needs to manage this. Don’t give up your bed. They’re grown ups, they can fully comprehend the lack-of-space situation. You’re a grown up AND a mother of two, and you are more than entitled to assert your boundaries.

Totally this.
Selfish bastards to turf a new mum out of her bed, outrageous!!!

As an expat (temporarily living in another country) I would never expect anyone to give up their bed and I would also hate everyone being squashed into a house which was too small, it’s way to much to ask of anyone. We generally book a house and the ‘children ‘come to stay with us, if they can’t take holiday then we would book somewhere near them and see them in the evenings.